Pink Ribbon, Life is Funny

Interesting Week

2010-07-14T20:47:00.002+08:00

Today is only Wednesday, and the day is just about to end...but why do I feel like as if I've been run over by a bullet train?

Monday was a blur. I woke up at 5:30 for some unknown reason, and it was just one thing piling on top of another.

Tuesday, I HAVE to wake up at 5:30 because I need to be in Alabang by 9:00. The meeting went well. It was pretty quiet in the afternoon until I got a call from Mom, telling me that one of her dear friends finally succumbed to the big C. Then, in the evening, halfway through browsing the net, the power got cut.

Wednesday, I woke up to the sound of the genset...still no power. Checked the news and found out that the black out is Luzon-wide; and that the MRT is not in operation. How to get to work? Finally decided to drive to work by 8:30. By the time I left for the office, traffic along EDSA was at a creeping pace.

As today draws to a close, most of Metro Manila is still in the dark, I just hope that I'll wake up tomorrow to a Metro with a running MRT and with the power restored. I wonder what is in store for me for the rest of the week?

2 Years Hence

2010-05-24T21:04:00.002+08:00

Today marked the second death anniversary of our beloved Dad. I took leave from work and flew to CDO for the "babang luksa" (official end of the mourning period).

Since yesterday, it has been a very hot kitchen at home. Mama's cooking and cooking and cooking and cooking and cooking. Today, the kitchen activities continued as early as 730am. Of course, I have to help, even if I hate to be enslaved to a hot stove. Having a terrible hot weather doesn't help a bit.

We finished with the kitchen duty by 330pm. Ma and I proceeded to her room and turned the AC full blast. Much as we wanted to stay some more, we have to be get ready soon after. We have told everyone to meet up at the cemetery at 4pm.

One by one, the relatives arrived. A lot weren't able to make it, but it's okay. Food, talk, and love overflowed - just the way Pa would have it at any family get together.

We all miss you, Pa; but I'm sure you're peering down from heaven at us, smiling and sending us your love.

Five (Reposting from FB)

2010-05-22T22:55:00.002+08:00

Posted this in my FB account last January...reposting here...

Tuesday, January 5, 2010 at 9:53am

At this time (10:30 AM) five years ago today, I was alternating between bawling my eyes out and slipping into blissful (?) blackouts (thanks to the sleep-inducing drugs given to me). You see, I was waiting to be wheeled into surgery, the first ever in my life, for cancer cell/s removal.

By the time 1:00 PM rolled around, my eyes were all puffy and almost shut closed; I was still crying. I remembered mentally kicking myself for so much drama but I still cannot stop the tears.

Next thing I remembered, I was throwing up in the recovery room, feeling the room spin around me as I sank into oblivion once again.

And then I began my journey to recovery.

Looking back today, it is still quite hard for me to imagine that all these times have passed and I have surpassed all the trials thrown my way.

As I begin my fifth year of being cancer free today, I would like to thank all the people (family and friends, you know who you are) who have given me the courage and the strength to fight back and face all those treatments. Without all of you behind me, rallying me on, I do not think I would have enough to go on as I did. You all gave me cheer and made me realized how loved I am!

As I celebrate today, I shall also remember those who have passed on ahead of me, their courage and valiant struggle against the big C. I also believe that they are looking down at me, happy for me that I have reached this milestone, and cheering me on.

I also want to thank those friendships that I had forged because of cancer - these are the most beautiful people in the world. Battling the big C while living their lives to the fullest, showing the world that cancer is not a sentence, but just a word.

THANK YOU ALL!!!

Revisiting

2010-05-22T08:37:00.003+08:00

Last night, I decided to revisit this long neglected blog and read over few entries I made.

There are some entries that about interaction with total strangers that I have absolutely no recollection of - and it feels nice to be reminded of those experiences. To be reminded of one's thoughts and feelings at that particular time made me want to write again.

I'm not saying that the entries will come regularly, but I'll try. I have to make myself sit down once again, take a breather from whatever it is I'm doing (and most especially if it's stressing me out), and appreciate the life that I have.

Yes, I think I'll do that.

The Weekend That Was

2009-08-10T15:39:00.003+08:00

I have to say, I surprise (and scare?) myself sometimes.

Last weekend saw me attending five parties in a span of 25 hours! I don't think I've done this much partying in my entire life. In college, friends and I would just party for 25 hours, not go to five parties in 25 hours.

Starting the series of party was the birthday dinner of Pingping, my "adoptive" father (I'm counting on the thought that Pingping knows he has adopted me...LOL), after an pleasant eat and run dinner, next stop was monster Friday, the annual birthday celebration of all the August celebrants of UP-PGH "Orthodocs." After a couple of hours, some friends and I went to a bar nearby to lend some support to our musician friends who had a gig there; we went back to monster Friday after watching them play a set.

Saturday was bright and sunshiny. Lunch was with the I Can Serve sisters, the event aptly named ICE - I Can Eat. It was nice to see and catch up with old friends. Even though the "oldtimers" were not really happy to see a lot of new faces, it was nice to forge new friendships. Lunch finally ended around 3!

Saturday night, it was dinner at a friend's house, continuing the birthday celebration of one of the "Orthodoc," highlight of the night was the new rage of Beer Below Zero, where the beer is served ice cold. You can just gulp it down! I lost count of the number of beers I consumed - I think I had six (and I was still holding back - makes me wonder how much I can really drink).

Sunday morning, I slept in, waking up lunchtime with no hangover - yipee! Met up with Olive and Jerome after lunch and just hanged out. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm glad the weekend was over.

Ouch...Waaaiiittt...Ouch

2009-07-23T16:16:00.003+08:00

Since I started working in Makati (and since I "lost" my parking space at home), I have been taking the Metro Rail Transit (MRT) to and from work. For the past year, since fuel prices have been skyrocketing, taking the MRT during rush hour has become a nightmare.

You have to fall into line to get in the station, and once you're in, you literally have to fight your way into the train. Getting on board is the hardest thing in the whole commuting stuff, but once you're in, you can get to your destination in 30 to 40 minutes.

I still choose to commute even if I can bring my car since the drive from Quezon City to Makati (or the other way around) is somewhere between from an hour and a half on a good day, to three, even five hours on bad days! So, being squashed for an hour is better than being on the road and stressed for twice that time.

It can't be helped that people tend to get physical when they're already late or have been waiting for a ride for more than half an hour already. If they see half a space, three people would jostle in and fill it. This morning was no exception...

Overheard from a "demure" girl during the jostling: Ouch! Wait! Please lang, waaaiiiitttt! Awwwuucch! Putang ina!

So much for being demure. That girl made my morning.

Hello, Audrey Lauren!

2009-05-31T22:42:00.003+08:00

Hello, world! Meet the newest member of my family, my niece, Audrey Lauren "Kung Pao" Khu Garcia.

I accompanied Olive to her doctor yesterday around lunch time. When I picked her up, I commented that her tummy is really low and looks like she's about to give birth already! Little did I know that my observation was right on target.

When the doctor examined Olive, she told my sister to call her husband and tell him that they need to check into the hospital already.

There were no contractions yet at that time but she's almost ready to give birth. So, I brought Olive back to their place and met up with Jerome there. Together, they calmly gathered what they needed for the hospital stay and proceeded to Asian Hospital in Alabang.

I followed to the hospital with Paul. When we got there, I sat with Olive while the boys went to the Admitting Section to get a room. I was just sitting there, chatting with Olive, while the contractions come at a more regular interval.

After a while, Jerome came back to the labor room and sat with Olive; Paul and I went to the nearby mall to look for lunch (this was already around 5 P.M.) After our lunch-dinner, I sat with Olive once again so that Jerome eat (I don't think he has anything to eat the entire day). By, 6:45 P.M., the doctor popped Olive's water; by 7:15, they were ready to move her to the birthing room. I called Jerome and told him to come right away so that he can go into the birthing room with Olive. Then I went up to the room to wait.

The wait wasn't too long, by 8 P.M., Jerome called me to tell me that both mother and baby are doing well and that we can already go see Audrey at the nursery.

When we got to the nursery, I saw a baby lying face down with her butt in the air. Right then and there, I knew that baby is Audrey! It's just so like mommy when we were kids. And yes, she can really scream - very loud! We were not able to look at Audrey up close as they were still cleaning her and doing whatever is needed with newborns.

After a couple of hours, Olive was transferred from the recovery room to her room. The nurses told Olive that they will be bring Audrey up to the room for feeding at midnight. So, we waited until the baby came, fussed over her before finally calling it a day and went home.

This afternoon, we went back to see how the new mother and daughter are doing. Both are well and recovering beautifully. This time, when I visited the nursery, I was able to get a couple of pictures. The first one had Audrey peeking out at me; then I asked her to smile for me - I'd like to think that she heard and understood me when I took the second picture (the one posted here) - so let me have my silly thoughts. Isn't she just lovely?

Lost Mojo

2009-05-22T11:52:00.003+08:00

Wanted: Inspiration.

Since my Dad got sick, and when his health deteriorated, I find myself having a more and more difficult time writing. When he passed away, I just lost all the words. Writing became an uphill battle. I tried to go back to blogging but words elude me. Whenever I sit in front of the computer, trying to put my thoughts into words, the letters just seemed to be running for the hills, leaving me with a blank page and me staring into it. My fingers could not even type.

Perhaps it's the grief.

This Sunday will mark the first death anniversary of my Dad. It's been a year and I still miss him so much.

The Night(mares) Before Christmas

2008-12-22T12:20:00.005+08:00

2008 is fast coming to a close, and I have never been this glad to see the end of a year.

Holloween was over but mine was just starting. Last November 14, I had a bone scan. During the procedure, I was quite uneasy for reasons unknown to me and humankind. When I got home from the procedure, I got a call from the hospital asking me to bring in my old bone scan plates (which they said they didn't need when I tried to leave the plates earlier in the day) again for comparison. Uh-oh.

I got my results on the 18th, and the dreaded "...metastases cannot be totally ruled out; suggest further radiological study." (or something like that) was in the bone scan reading. I emailed my scan results (it's print-out now, not plates) to my radio-oncologist friend, and she was likewise concerned about some "abnormal activities in the L3 and L4 areas." On the 20th, there was an Orthopedic convention, which my brother and sister-in-law attended. I went to see them, bringing my plates with me and showed the same to them. They showed it to our friend who happens to be one of the best ortho-oncologist in the country, and Dr. Edward Wang said it's most likely arthritis; but if we really want to be sure, we can do an MRI and/or a bone biopsy.

I understood then the saying about having the proverbial axe hanging over one's head.

Like a lamb being led to the slaughterhouse, I obediently did the MRI. Being claustrophobic, this was no small feat for me. Lying very still for 30 minutes in a cylinder with banging sounds literally bouncing off the walls, it was a wonder I didn't hyperventilate. Then, I was told by the technician that they have to inject a contrast dye. That cannot be good, I thought, for if it is just arthritis, then contrast won't be needed. So, I have to lay still for another 20 minutes or so. Bugger.

When I got my MRI reading two days after, my breath caught at the words "metastatic neoplasm." The reading cannot commit whether the lesions seen were indeed mets or not. Okay, the axe over my head just start swinging.

I took my MRI plates to one of the best spine surgeon in the country, Dr. Adrian Catbagan, who is also a good friend, he wanted bone biopsy to rule out mets for sure. I concurred with his opinion. When Dr. Wang saw my MRI plates, he asked me to seek for a second opinion with a medical oncologist he'll refer.

All right, so I went to see the doctor (this is already first week of December). She reviewed my medical history, which have gotten quite thick (i think it's half inch now). Her opinion is that at best, it is most likely arthritis; but since cancer is known for its tyranny, she said the best option is to do a PET scan, which in non-invasive, or do a bone biopsy (as a last resort). My jaw dropped at the mention of PET scan; for only one hospital in the whole country has that, and four years ago, they were charging somewhere between 50,000.00 to 75,000.00. I wanted to clutch my chest, fall on the floor with my mouth foaming, and to start shaking like crazy. Taking a deep breath, I asked if I can just go straight to biopsy; for there's that chance that the PET scan still cannot totally rule out mets. I'm going to save me some 75,000.00 to 100,000.00. Suddenly, arthritis has never been more attractive!

I wanted to schedule the biopsy ASAP; but my brother wanted to be around during the procedure; so we finally set it on December 15th.

I woke up bright and early (thanks to the alarm clock) on the morning of the 15th feeling surprisingly calm. When we got to the hospital (PGH), we processed me to get a blue card so as to have a case number that was needed for the OR. Once we got that, we went up to the operating rooms of the Orthopedic Department, waiting for my turn. We were scheduled for the 2nd case of the day, which should be around 10:00. We found out around 9:30 that the first case is a bilateral knee replacement procedure, and not one knee as we originally thought; meaning, I'll be on by 1:00 PM.

So, we waited at the Orthopedic Department. Everyone there seems to know that I'm up for biopsy. Friends reassure me, saying that all will be well. I smiled and could not help but be touched by the outpour of support and love - that almost sent me crying.

I finally changed into a hospital gown by 1:00, trying hard not to moon people as I walked to my assigned operating room. This is fun, I thought, how many patients get to walk to their operating room? Pigs, cows, sheep, lambs, perhaps; but people? I was feeling like a star, saying hi and waving to the doctors I meet along the way. When I saw my medical team that will do the biopsy, I am happy for all the major players are friends. I'm in good hands.

When they checked my blood pressure, even I was impressed: 120/80. I knew then that my fear of breaking down and flooding the OR will not materialize. Whew! Listening to the doctors prepping me up for the procedure finally lulled me to sleep.

When I woke up, all was groggy and hazy, voices were in the background, and there was this pounding sound, like a sculptor chiselling away at the marble. Then, my mind cleared a bit. Hmmm, the pounding seemed to be on my back. (pound, pound, pound) I think that's my bone. (pound, pound, pound) I think that's my spine. (pound, pound, pound) I think that hurts. (pound, pound, pound) I think that hurts more. (pound, pound, pound) I finally raised my hand and uttered a feeble "aray (ouch)." (pound, pound, pound) "Arayyy," louder this time around. Tita Fides, the anesthesiologist, finally heard me. "Aray daw!" and then I passed out again, but not before thinking that this is good material for a horror show.

Next time I came to, I heard the good doctors arguing whether to use micropore or tegaderm to dress the wounds. I struggled to say that I'm allergic to tegaderm, and when they finally heard me, the tegaderm was used. Oh, well. And I fell asleep again.

Next thing I knew, I was aware of being wheeled through a labyrinth-like pathway, when the movement finally stopped, I peeked through my eyelids and saw that I was in the recovery room. Tita Fides came over and told me to sleep for at least 30 minutes more and let the anesthesia wear off.

I tried, but before going back to sleep, I took a look-see at my surroundings; instead of falling asleep, I was jarred awake by the number of patients around me. My thought was: I have to get out of here! Pronto! Instead of falling asleep, I grew more and more awake. 20 minutes later, I was in the washroom changing into my clothes.

I was not supposed to eat until 6PM, but coming from the washroom, I felt as if I could eat not just a horse but a whole elephant! So hungry was I that I'm not sure if I was weak and groggy from hunger or from the anesthesia. I insisted upon leaving the hospital, wanting to get away as soon as I can. So, they wheeled me to the car, and off we went to eat.

I was already ordering food by 5 or 5:15. My brother made a token order, said he wasn't really hungry. When we started to eat, brother got a text from the good doctors, saying that the initial findings didn't find any tumor cells; only bone cells were seen. =) Brother suddenly got back his appetite and ordered some more food.

After eating, we dropped by the regular drinking place of the ortho people; the doctors were so happy with the news of the initial findings that they gave me a celebratory beer to drink!

We got the final news on Wednesday, December 18: No tumor found! It is just arthritis! Friends started texting me, congratulating me on my biopsy results. My oncologist/s wants me to monitor the area, meaning another MRI in 3 or 6 months, depending if the area will be hurting or not.

Whatever. It's a merry christmas indeed for all of us! So...

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

PLDT Sucks Big Time!

2008-11-27T23:03:00.003+08:00

First, please congratulate me on my second posting this month - it's a miracle!

Okay, from the title, and I am warning you now, this post is going to be a rant and rave post. If you're not in the right mood, do skip this entry.

I woke up on November 10, Monday, and found out that my phone wasn't working. So, I asked my friends to report it to PLDT. They did. On November 13, Thursday, I went to the Admin of the building and asked for their help to get my line fixed. The Administrator said I was good with my timing since a PLDT guy will be passing by later that afternoon. I also left word with the Administrator and the guard on duty that I'll be in the following afternoon, from 2pm onwards, in case they need to check my phone unit. Friday came and went, but no PLDT people/person showed up. Okay, fine, whatever!

Sunday, coming back from Olive's place, the guard told me that a PLDT guy showed up on Saturday, but I wasn't around, so I should just call again and give them a time and date as to when they can come back. I also found out that when told of the phone problem on Thursday, the service crew said that he can't check and repair my line because he was in a hurry. DUH?

I immediately sent an email to PLDT's customer service and gave them quite an earful (if only emails can shout and give the right tone to its content! Ah, where's Harry Potter when you need him?) I also gave the dates and times that I'll be in. Monday, I got a reply:

Dear Ms. Khu:

We are truly sorry to learn of your unfortunate experience. Please be advised that we have already forwarded your concern to the Division in-charge for their immediate attention and appropriate action. We shall advise you accordingly as soon as we receive their reply.

Our sincerest apologies for the inconvenience. Thank you for bearing with us.

Yada, yada. Another week passed and still nothing. So, I called up 171 again and gave the call center agent quite a tongue lashing. I wrote more emails, one getting more rude than the one before and their last reply was really AMAZING:

Dear Ms. Khu:

Good day. Mam, may we kindly know your available schedule of visit or contact numbers
since when place was being visited, house was closed.

Thank you and we look forward on your response.

Ayoh! They looking for trouble, eh? I immediately replied to the email and in less than a minute I got an answer:

Delivery has failed to these recipients or distribution lists:

customercare@pldt.comThe recipient's mailbox is full and can't accept messages now. Microsoft Exchange will not try to redeliver this message for you. Please try resending this message later, or contact the recipient directly.

Their service is so lousy that their inbox got full? Wow! This is something new.

I do not understand...do I laugh or do I cry???

Dinner

2008-11-04T20:50:00.002+08:00

I had dinner tonight with Maan and Father Barcelon, just two of Papa's numerous friends that he picked up after his retirement.

I was both excited and apprehensive about the dinner. Excited for somehow I feel that I knew Father Barcelon and in some ways he reminded me about Papa. Apprehensive because I'm afraid that I might burst into tears when I see him. I don' know why, but when Maan sent me an SMS last week to arrange for dinner, the thought of seeing Father Barcelon got me teary eyed.

Well, I kept my composure and didn't cry when I saw them tonight. Dinner was short and sweet since Father Barcelon was tired from going from one place to another the whole day. Seeing them magnified the feeling of missing my Dad all the more.

I'm Here

2008-10-04T19:05:00.002+08:00

It's been a little over three months since I last blogged. Even Olive has been nagging me about this. I know, I know, but somehow hiding under the rocks is easier to do. Time and again, I've something worth blogging about, but I just seem to have lost my "mojo."

I'll try to reconstruct some of the highlights of the past three months...but I advise against holding your breath for the next entry. =)

And you know what? It REALLY has been quite some time since I logged in. There's a whole new look and a whole bunch of applications for Blogger! And I have to experiment and see what these are all about...bugger!

Seasonal Affective Disorder

2008-06-24T19:24:00.002+08:00

I remembered reading somewhere that a person can get depressed during changes in seasons. Looking it up in the internet, I found that it is called Seasonal Affective Disorder or SAD. It is said to affect people at certain time of each year, most especially during winter when the days are short and the nights are long. A cure for this is light therapy.

I have been feeling down for a couple of weeks now and I thought that I have SAD. Well, I feel quite ridiculous when I read that this usually affect people during WINTER time. Funny, there's no winter here in the Philippines, so I could NOT possibly have SAD.

Looking back, I realized that I am indeed SAD; and the reason for this is that I miss my father terribly.

Shopping for An Oncologist

2008-06-05T17:21:00.004+08:00

I have to go shopping for another oncologist! This is the terrible news that I found out today. It felt like the aftermaths of the quake in China and the typhoon in Myanmar combined together - disastrous and devastating twice over.

I have always believed that your doctor should be the one whom you get along with; one whose instructions you'll follow; one whom you won't dread visiting when check-up/follow up time comes. I have always had this kind of relationship with my oncologist. I was supposed to go back mid-May for another check up but due to my father's illness, I was in Cagayan de Oro and wasn't able to see her.

I called up today to get an appointment for Saturday and that's when I found out that my oncologist have migrated to Nebraska just a couple of weeks ago! And someone has taken over her practice. Man, oh man. This is a disaster! What shall I do? Go to this oncologist who took over the practice or shop for another one based on the referral of my support group?

I emailed the support group right away but no one has been under this "new" oncologist's care. I don't know if that is a good sign...

Maybe I should just go to Nebraska for my check-up. I want to cry...

My Father's Legacy

2008-06-04T10:27:00.007+08:00

In his retirement years, my father worked to broaden and strengthen the ties between the Filipino and the Chinese communities: not only here in the Philippines, but in China as well. He was able to have the cities of Harbin (China) and Cagayan de Oro (Philippines) become sister cities.

He joined and led many a socio-civic groups. It was his way of repaying and giving thanks to the communities that embraced him when he migrated from China some sixty or so years ago. He was a leader who was well loved and respected. He had vast knowledge of the city’s (Cagayan de Oro) history and politics and knew almost everyone. If you want to know a person’s family history and background, chances are he can tell you; for he grew with the city and loved it so.

I never realized the extent of Papa’s “network” until his wake. The four days and nights that we have kept vigil were not enough to have his friends pay their final respects. Day and night, as early as eight in the morning and as late as twelve midnight, people (we know and do not know) would come in to give their final respects to my father. People from other parts of the country – Manila, Cebu, Davao (there may be other places that I missed) – flew in to attend his funeral. To say that we were dumbfounded by the outpouring of love and respect shown in these few days would be an understatement.

As I got to know and spoke with some of the key people from different socio-civic groups, I got a glimpse of the legacy my father was leaving behind. Already, people are missing him. Some even asked me which one of us three siblings would like to continue the most important work he started – fostering the ties between the Filipino and Chinese communities. We, the children, may attempt to do this in our own way but we will surely fall short by the stick which we will be measured against; for my father’s shoes are too big to fill.

His funeral was quite something else. We did not expect so many people to attend since it was a weekday. Someone commented that his funeral was comparable and even outshone that of a rich man’s. Well, my father may not be rich with worldly possessions, but he was far richer because he was a helpful, fair, just, honest, insightful, and wise man. Being such a man earned him the love and respect of everyone. To all he came in contact with, he touched their lives. To those who became his friends, he enriched them. And to us his family, we are truly blessed beyond words.

A great man has moved on and we, the family, along with a lot of people, will all miss him terribly.

ENG C. KHU
Born: October 17, 1936 (3^rd day of the 9^th month in the lunar calendar)
Died: May 24, 2008 (20^th day of the 4^th month in the lunar calendar)

Can't Wait

2008-04-22T15:05:00.002+08:00

I asked a friend to check what is an auspicious day to move; what do you know? It's on April 29th, between 7 to 9 AM.

So, I've spoken with the workers and they promise to deliver by Monday. If, for some quirky twist of fate and the construction still will not be completed by then, at the very least, I will have a habitable place to stay. By then, it will just be the installation of the cabinet doors. But, I'm hoping that all will be done.

Another week to go, and I'll be sleeping in my own place...can't wait!

Couch Potato

2008-04-20T09:30:00.003+08:00

That's what I am - a couch potato - and at my sister's place at that! Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, I'm more than thankful.

As of this writing, I am still living with my sister, the renovation at my place still not done yet, although it's getting there. When I looked back and thought that I once believed that all the renovations will be done in ten days, I laughed at my ridiculousness! Thank goodness I am blessed to have such a sweet brother-in-law who willingly puts up with me living in their living room.

My place still needs to have the cabinets constructed and painted, the walls too. Just a little bit more and I'll be able to move in already.

Spring Cleaning

2008-03-20T09:35:00.002+08:00

It's moving time again, so I'm forced to spring clean my stuff once more. Packers! I need professional packers, then after I moved, I would need professional un-packers! Oh, boy, I hate moving; but this is probably the only time that I'm excited about it.

I only have a week more to sort, pack, and "throw away" stuff; next weekend, I'll be moving out of my current living space, but not yet into the new one. I'll be in transient with Olive until mid-April. THEN, I moved in. =)

The contractors will be ecstatic to hear that their deadline is moved and postponed for another 2 weeks. 6 days to renovate? What was I thinking?

Ladidah! Signing off now and going back to packing.

Packers....I need packers.

Sold!

2008-03-15T19:29:00.006+08:00

I did it! I did the unthinkable and I'm still in shock. Everything seems so surreal. One minute I was looking for a place to rent, the next thing I knew, I was signing on the dotted line, taking out a loan to buy my own place!

I never imagined myself to be a homeowner, even less a condominium unit owner. I would have preferred to get a townhouse or a house and lot; but with what I can afford (to loan, that is), those properties will be located outside the Metro. Choices, choices, choices!

I started to entertain the idea of buying instead of renting after seeing those real estate banners touting low monthly payments and slogans like "Why rent when you can own?" To know my options, I went condo-shopping - townhouses within the Metro will cost me an arm and a leg, so that's not an option. I went to view condos that were pre-selling, now-selling, and post-selling. My requirements were simple, good security, accessible to the MRT, decent floor space, and most of all, should be cheap.

At the onset, something tells me my requirements somehow mismatched, but I braved on. Loft types condos are the trend now, but I didn't like anything I saw; plus paying for "floor space" that is more of "air space" simply does not sit well with me - it's like paying twice the price for the actual, solid floor space. Though, to be fair to other properties, there are some developers who did beautiful lofts. Of course, the prices for these were also beautifully out of reach.

After looking at six properties, reality bit and I was ready to call it quits and just go back to renting. This is not yet the time for me to buy. I scoured the ads again for condo units for rent. I answered an ad and went to see the unit. One look at the place and I'm ready to run out the front door. It's sooo RED! Somehow, I persisted. I asked the agent if there are any other units that are available. The agent said if it is for lease, then no units were available; but if I will be interested in buying, then she can show me some units.

My first question was how much? I nearly fell off my chair when she told me the price! She was offering me a condo unit inside an exisiting building at half the price of other pre-selling properties with the same floor space! Oh, boy. Could this be it? I tried not to get my hopes up too high but went on to check out this unit. What do you know? It is an end unit, meaning two sides of windows instead of one (I got a total of 3 windows instead of the usual one). I still have to improve the unit a little but I think it will work. I also took measurements to make sure all my existing stuff will fit into all of its 40 square meters (430 square feet).

I 'm getting totally excited here...until I went shopping for my housing loan. Mortgage here in the Philippines is, oh, I don't even know how to start describing it; especially when you take a loan from the bank. I was resigned to go back to renting again when I bumped into a good friend and to cut the long story short, I took out my housing loan from my friend, and I am now an owner of a condominium unit.

Most of my friends are more excited than I am. There's this friend who keeps telling other people we know that I'm buying my own place even when I still haven't signed on. Then, others who wants to know when the house-warming will be. Then, there are others who are already planning to have my place be the party place. I just laughed and am really touched by their enthusiasm and happiness for me.

Next comes the renovation. I have to decide on the flooring (tiles? wood? vinyl?), ceiling design (cove? plain?), lighting fixtures (round? square? let's not start on the colors), storage spaces (where to put them) - all these are making my head spin and ache; but in a nice way. And have I mentioned that all these will have to be done by the end of the month?

I am still trying to come to terms that I have indeed bought me a condo unit. At least I know my living space will not go any smaller in the future...and I'm finally letting myself get excited! Woohoo!

Ooooppsss

2008-03-15T19:23:00.002+08:00

Uh-oh. I messed around with my old template and now I don't know how to put back the links, etc.

Tired editing the thingy but obviously it's not my thing - hee hee hee. I'll try to figure out this thing again.

Oh, well.

Nearest Kin

2008-02-07T23:17:00.000+08:00

Olive's in the hospital. She went in to have some procedure done, nothing serious, I promise.

She checked in last Tuesday afternoon as her surgery is on Wednesday. Tuesday night, we decided to pop in the hospital to give her some moral support. When we got there, she was bored out of her mind, almost climbing up the walls in her room.

Since she do not have an IV line yet, she can pretty much move around. When we decided to have dinner, Olive came along. She told the nurses on duty that she will accompany us to dinner. Uh, I think it should be more of US accompanying HER rather than the other way around.

We finally all trooped back to her hospital room after almost 2 hours of dinner! The nurse came in to tell Olive what she needs to do that night. Then, Olive was asked to sign the consent form. A little more interview and history taking took place. When asked who is her nearest kin, Olive readily pointed to me and gave my name. I protested and said that I'm not the nearest kin, but Jerome is! Being her husband and all.

Olive laughed and defended herself, well, at that moment, I was indeed her nearest kin - physically, for I was just sitting behind her and Jerome was at the foot of the bed!

Hunting Season

2008-01-12T13:21:00.000+08:00

Hunting season is here once again. Hunting for a house/condo/apartment, anyway.

I would love to stay right where I am now but the expense is just getting to be too ridiculous. Yesterday, I got the bill for the association dues, and it just seems to me that I am being given every sign to move - they raised the dues by 10%!

I seen a couple of ads that looked promising, but alas, someone has beaten me to it. So, I'm a searching once again.

Ads in the internet sometimes can be funny, most especially the pictures of the furnished units. Seeing the furnishings just makes me shudder to even think about living there, much less paying for it! Oh my gosh, I'm a snob! Well, let's just say I got a headache just from the pictures - all those vivid unmatching colors!

One conclusion I have arrived at: it seems that I am doomed to have my living space be inversely proportional to my age!

I Likey!

2007-12-21T01:32:00.000+08:00

In the past couple of months, I somehow managed to go through two cellular phones. Both gave up and died on me.

It was nice to be out of reach for a couple of days, but then people would chew on me about being incommunicado. All right, all right, time to shop for a new phone.

I have always been a Nokia user, so I shopped around for a new phone. Hhmmm, the 6300 model looks good - nice, clean lines and it looks sturdy - and then I noticed that most of the employees' phone in the office is that exact model. Okay, scrap that.

Then, I stumbled upon the 6500. I likey! The classic and not the slide; the bronze and not the black. Problem is, it's not in stock. What to do? So after verifying that no dealer has any stock of it, and since I vowed not to compromise anymore, I decided to wait for the stocks to arrive; but then again, I REALLY need that phone.

A brilliant idea hit me then. I walked into a cellphone store in Greenhills and asked for the cheapest phone they have. I got a basic phone at PhP1,600.00. Brand new, no frills. I likey!

My Little Christmas Tree

2007-12-21T00:55:00.000+08:00

Since my parents got a Christmas tree, I am the default person to set it up during Christmas. Year after year, I would set up the tree. Even when I started college, when I go home for the Christmas break, I would find the tree waiting for me to set it up.

The tree grew dilapidated as the years pass, soon, we stopped putting up the tree or any Christmas decorations all together. My mom asked me to stop putting up the tree since I would come back to Manila and leave the tree still set up. Mama is left with the task of keeping the ornaments and the tree. I guess keeping the tree is not as fun as setting it up.

With each passing year, I find Christmas becoming more and more tedious, with all the traffic, the shopping, the expense, and inconveniences. I have become a scrooge. Although from time to time, I would toy with the idea of getting a tree and put it up together with some Christmas decors; but the thought of having to put away what I set up is no great incentive to follow through on my thoughts.

This year, my bosses' mom gave me a Christmas gift. What do you know? I think it was perfect. A tree the comes complete with ornaments, and best of all, I can keep it in a snap of a finger. My little Christmas tree is now set up - over the door to the bedroom.

What do you know? I have my Christmas tree! =)

3 Strikes and We're Out!

2007-11-13T23:53:00.000+08:00

Tact (n) 1. skill in dealing with others, especially in delicate situations. 2. intuitive perception of the right thing to do or say. That was the definition of the word tact by the Pocket Oxford Dictionary.

Last Sunday, after attending the engagement party luncheon of our cousin, Olive and I went to visit a friend of my Mom's who just came out from the hospital. There was a brief feeling of weirdness as we visited "auntie" by ourselves. The usual scenario is that Mom would be there.

The following are some of the conversations we have during the visit:

Strike 1:
Auntie turned to me and asked "Well, are you?" (this is the polite way of the Chinese to ask whether you're pregnant or not)
Me: Me? I'm not the one who got married!
Auntie: Yes, yes, I know. So, are you?
Me: No, of course not!
Auntie: Why not?
Me, in thought balloon: Why is she being so mean?
Then it dawned upon me that she is asking if I am to follow Olive's footsteps and get married! Geez!

Chat some more.

Strike 2:
Auntie: Wait, let me just call my daughter in Davao.
Auntie calls and when her daughter came on line, she passed the phone to me!
Me, in thought balloon: Huh?

So, I talked to her daughter for a while, then when she asked about Olive, I passed the phone to Olive. Hehehe, I'm just as bad.

More small talk with Auntie while Olive's on the phone with the daughter.

Strike 3:
Auntie to me: You have such nice teeth (finally! something nice!), are those for real?

We ended our visit shortly after that.

Advise from Dad on Being Single

2007-10-30T22:49:00.001+08:00

When I was talking to my Dad a couple of weeks back, he was telling me about what he wanted me to do with my life. He gave me plenty of advise, but I was quite amused when he said:

"My dear daughter, I sincerely do not think that you should get married at all."

Huh? Is that Dad talking? Then came the reason:

"Because if you get married at this point in your life, you will just be a caregiver!"

Funny, isn't he?

Getting Rid of Stress

2007-10-30T22:41:00.000+08:00

Stress is not good for me, or anyone for that matter, because it may be a huge factor in triggering a recurrence. So, I am reducing the stress factors in my life.

First, I got rid of the biggest stress of my life – my job at MPFC! Hooray! Good riddance. I also got rid of having to work with the most evil person I know in my life.

On the new job, the stress level is okay. Hell, compared to the previous job, this job is calming! People here have respect for and are decent to each other. No underhanded tactics just to get ahead or just to look good for the moment with the higher ups. Breathing is a lot easier and there’s no more elephant sitting on my chest when I wake up each morning.

I now work in Makati. I commute to and from work, a tricycle ride from home to the MRT station; then the MRT; and finally, another jeep ride to the office. To unwind, I would walk from the office to the MRT station on my way home (it’s too hot to walk from the station to the office in the morning), then, the MRT ride, and another tricycle ride (by this time, I am too tired to walk home from the MRT station – I have so many excuses, no?).

After dinner and washing up, I would relax, by listening to my neighbors sing – Haha! Kidding! I would either watch compiled TV series on DVD or bake (when there are orders), or both.

Weekends would be spent on cleaning house, doing laundry, grocery shopping, and an occasional meet up with friends. Quite domesticated, am I not?

Mental note to me: I should incorporate in watching movie – it’s been one of my tricks in de-stressing.

On the Flip Side

2007-10-30T22:36:00.000+08:00

October 25, 2007

Three years ago today was when I did a self-breast exam and palpated the tumor on my left breast. Since then I went through the rigors of a cancer patient. Today, I am a survivor, lucky enough to be living each day as they come and appreciating life even when it sucks. I have bounced back from the sickness. I’d like to declare that I have licked it, but to do so would be foolish and presumptuous. It is enough that I can declare at this moment that I am healthy, with no signs of recurrence. I am happy with that.

In 2006, my Dad was diagnosed to have cancer too. He underwent surgery but did not have chemotherapy or radiation. He underwent hormone treatment, but did not respond to it, so we tried another drug. Thankfully, he responded; but the side effects of the drug put quite a toll on him. He can hardly eat and he has a hard time moving about, a far cry from the vibrant man living a full life.

I was the patient and now, I am on the other side – I am the relative of a cancer patient. I hate to imagine what the rest of the family went through and is going through (especially Mom), first with me, and now with my Dad. The emotional impact and the stress must be overwhelming. At the risk of sounding selfish and stupid, I think it was easier when I was the patient; the stress was much easier to cope with then.

Cancer of any kind is one sickness that I would not wish upon even the worst of my enemies.

Habla Español?

2007-09-29T19:55:00.000+08:00

I had Spanish classes in high school and in college, but somehow language has never been my forte, so I quickly forget.

I am into watching mini series or tv series nowadays. Of late, I was into Boston Legal. For the first season, I had the first twelve episodes, and then nothing. It seemed like it's not complete, so I searched the net and found that there are indeed 17 episodes in the first season. Oh, boy.

I was finally able to get a copy on the remaining episodes, and when I played it, all the characters are speaking in Spanish! Shoot! I hate that! I wish I could understand Spanish but sad to say: no hablo Español. Did I get that right?

The Joys of Baking

2007-07-29T14:21:00.001+08:00

When I was a kid, I used to spend some weekends baking with Mom. Being the older girl, I was the one Mom dragged into helping her with baking while little sister Olive's out playing with friends and neighbors. Sometimes, I think it was unfair; but most of the times, I liked it.

Heck, I liked baking more than cooking. Given a choice, I'll slave over a hot oven than a hot wok.

It used to be on weekends Olive and I would unwind by going to the malls and drool over all those stuff that we covet (both little and so much). Nowadays, I usually find myself just spending the weekend at home, doing housework, surfing the net, watching DVDs, etc.

A couple of weeks back, I decided to break out the electric oven (read: big oven toaster or a micro oven) I won during one of the Christmas parties a few years ago. I looked for recipes in the internet and armed with a list of ingredients, I went to the grocery to get them. My first project: brownies or cookies - something uncomplicated.

When I was at the aisle that displayed the baking needs, I was so overwhelmed with the choices. After almost ten painful minutes of walking back and forth that aisle trying to decide what brand, how big, and how many to buy, I finally simplified everything and got one of those pre-mixed packs! *LOL*

I followed the instructions at the back of the box, and voila! I have brownies. I gave some to Olive and Jerome, and they loved it. Jerome called them non-stop brownies, for when he started popping one (I cut them into bite size pieces) into his mouth, he can't stop; sort of like Pringles, but just brownies.

Next projects: Chocolate Chip Cookies and brownies, with real ingredients that I have to put together this time. ;-)

Fat Migration

2007-07-11T16:54:00.000+08:00

Olive and I used to kid each other that when one of us is getting thin, the other would be getting fat; as if the fat cells in us are just going from one body to another. True enough, if she gains weight, I would lose some and vice versa.

When Olive got married and move out, in a matter of 2 weeks, I gained weight! Hhmm...could it be because the fat has nowhere to go? I told Olive this and she confessed that she might have gained some weight, too.

I guess the commute from Quezon City to Pasig City is just a tad too much for the fat cells; and so they stay put.

Mr. QT's Assistant

2007-06-09T10:59:00.000+08:00

Last Monday, I had a hard time waking up - for I know it is going to be the start of another five days of work.

After a couple of snoozes, I stood up, showered, and picked up my friend who will be hitching a ride with me to Manila. As usual, I passed through Tomas Morato. It was there when I noticed this heavily tinted black Expedition crawling along, as if looking for a good place to have breakfast. I overtook the Expedition.

The light changed to red when I reached the Morato-Roces intersection, so I stopped. The black Expedition came up alongside and stopped too. Nothing weird - until the windows of the Expedition rolled down, and I saw a high powered rifle with a silencer stick out of the window! How I knew it to be high powered, I don't know, I just know it is.

Next thing I knew, the rifle was directed towards our car and then TSUB! TSUB! two shots were fired. In slow motion, I saw the rifle being aimed at me, and then I felt both shots piercing my chest and lodging in my heart. I heard my friend screaming. I saw the windshield shatter, I saw the spray of my blood, I saw the Expedition speeding away. I felt immense pain in my chest and then my eyes rolled and I felt no more.

I opened my eyes, checked for holes in my chest, and upon finding none, I stood up, showered, and went to work. Goodness.

What a vivid dream! It's like a scene from Quentin Tarantino's movie. I could be his assistant!

Oh, by the way, I haven't met any black Expeditions along the way since. ;-)

Pseudo Submarine

2007-05-30T17:43:00.000+08:00

Last weekend should herald the start of rainy season here in the Philippines. It has been raining everyday since last Saturday. Five more days of rain, and it would be "official."

Last night, I detoured to Greenhills to pick up Olive. I was there around 6:55 PM, coming from field work, I was able to get to Greenhills early. By 7:10, Olive and I were on our way home. Rain started to drop around 6:45; by 7:20, I cannot see past 2 feet in front of me, the rain was pouring as if a bucket (a VERY big one at that) opened the heavens and was tipped over the city.

Boyd is a '92 Civic Hatchback, with 13" rim tires, lower than most cars since it is "sporty." Well, Boyd proved his ability at swimming last night, wading through flood waters, threatening at one point to quit, but with a little sweet talk (and lots of prayers), we were able to make it home all right. Whew!

Timog (street? avenue?) was the dividing line, we were three blocks from home and yet cannot cross flood waters that would be half the height of Boyd. Boyd is a swimmer, almost but not quite a submarine yet.

There was a point that I parked in a mall in Quezon Avenue, deciding to have dinner while going to wait for the flood waters to go down a bit. What do you know? The only eating place in the compound is Chowking! Of all the luck. I tried (really I did!), but I can't bring myself to order. Olive took pity on me, and after going to the little girls' room, we decided to try our luck again. We retraced our route, and were lucky enough to get to another restaurant a block away, where we finally had our dinner...anywhere but Chowking! Hehehe.

I started out at 6PM and finally got home at 10 PM in my psudo-submarine. Go, Boyd!

How Sweet

2007-05-13T22:26:00.000+08:00

I have seen enough of broken marriages and relationships turning sour that it kind of puts me off the idea of being committed. I live in Asia, more specifically, in the Philippines - here, it is weird if you are my age and is still single. People constantly ask and speculate as to why you are still single at this point in life. You'd get questions and opinions of all kinds - ranging from "maybe you're too picky" to "Are you gay?" Seriously! I am such a cynic, or perhaps that is just my excuse for still being single.

Personally, I can't picture myself being married, more so now after I got sick.

Last Friday, I witnessed the other side of marriage, the joyful side, that is. I saw how a couple can miss one another so, I saw that one of the strongest foundation of a couple's relationship is friendship. I never thought I will ever witness that kind of sweetness from a couple who is married for almost 25 years. 25 years and they act like they're still dating. Wow.

So, to those who are getting married and who are married, I think that if you don't forget your friendship, and top that with unconditional love, you pretty much have it made.

The Office Bitch

2007-05-07T20:59:00.000+08:00

People are bugging me about writing an entry. Well, it indeed has been a month since I last posted. How time flies, even if you are miserable.

Well, I finally finished the transcription that was given to me six months ago...heeheehee...hurrah!

I have been enjoying my badminton games. I can play longer now without tiring easily. Another hurrah!

On the downside, work just sucks. I nearly got fired because of office politics, but that's all water under the bridge. I was accused of being slack in my job. ME???? NOT WORKING???? All those who know me can say that I could be accused of being a workaholic but never a slacker. All those who have worked with me can vouch that I can and do work that is assigned me and then some, sometimes more than some; but NOT working??? Are we talking of the same person?

Anyway, the real deal is coming to light. I have proven my detractor wrong (the bitch!); and that all the things that I am claiming are indeed true. Thing is, the bitch still has the upper hand, being part of the ExCom and the saddest part of all, having the President's ear. Hmmmm....

Last Friday, I finally blew my top and had a shouting match with the bitch. Actually, I just had to raise my voice over hers so that I could be heard. Sometimes, I really wonder what am I doing in that company, talking to dysfunctional people.

This morning, the bitch got into the office after I did, and she was greeting me oh so sweetly, making small talk. I answered oh so sweetly but inwardly, I was cringing and gagging. My boss, the COO, told me to improve my people skills. She told me to act like a salesman, especially with my "best friend," the office bitch.

Yeah, right. In the meantime, I will "improve" my people skills and continue working, until I can find another job, or until my Plan B takes off.

Yep, I survived cancer, I can survive the office bitch. She's just a walk in the park.

Tradition

2007-04-07T19:26:00.000+08:00

It used to be that I look forward to the long break during holy week each year for some out of town trips, be it domestic or international.

Then, for the past ten years or so, I used to spend my holy week in Cavite with Gigi. I would drive to Cavite City on Maundy Thursday, spend the night having a couple of drinks with Francis, Gigi's cousin; and then on Good Friday, Gigi and I would drive to Tagaytay, hang out at Josephine's, and then drive back to Cavite. I would be on my way back to Manila on Black Saturday.

This "tradition" stopped when Gigi moved to the US around three or four years ago; but I would still go to Tagaytay on Good Friday, this time with Olive, hanging out at Bag of Beans.

Two years ago, I stayed home due to my treatment. Last year, for the life of me, I can't recall what I did. This year, I went to Tagaytay again, with some friends from badminton. We stuffed ourselves silly at breakfast at Bag of Beans (where else?); then we headed for Caleruega, a retreat house where our friend, who is a priest, conducts the retreat programs.

Caleruega has become a destination place in Batangas, and I am not surprised. The place is simply beautiful. You can spend the night there and have your share of peace and quite while breathing on clean mountain air. If you want to commune with nature without having to go far, or if you want some spiritual nourishment, this is the place to go.

Today's trip was fun and easy-going. It was not too taxing, just enough to get you primed for a good night's sleep.

Happy easter folks!

My MRI Experience

2007-03-25T12:59:00.000+08:00

So I went in for my bilateral breast MRI on Friday, March 16, 2007. I got to the hospital around 5:40 (I was told to be there by 5:45 for my 6pm appointment). As per instructions, I brought a copy of my medical history with me, plus two sets of previous mammogram films. I filled up the forms handed me, and then sat down to wait for my name to be called.

Like a boxer being prepped for a big fight, I was weighed in. They calculated the contrast dye that will be used (based on my weight); and then I was to wait again. It is always the waiting time that makes one antsy, makes one anxious, makes one panic.

So, I distracted myself by reading the papers. After half an hour, I was starting to be bored. It was when I realised how calm I was. There is no queasiness in my stomach, no dizziness, no shortness of breath. And then I thought about the payment, and suddenly I got all three. Heeheehee.

I was finally called at 7:00 ( I was scheduled for 6:00). I got into the hospital gown and paused for a little bit, waiting for the panic attack to set in. I waited, and waited, and waited. No panic attack. I think I might just be a tad disappointed there.

Then, the nurse came in to give me an IV line. When she found out that I was post treatment (chemotherapy), she took one look at my veins and told me to wait while she fetch her colleague, someone more experienced than she in lining for IV. I said okay, grateful that my arm won't be feeling like a lace after.

The "expert" nurse came in and started to look for a vein in my arm. The tourniquet worked quite fine and the nurse was slapping my arm like crazy, trying to coax a vein to show itself. Finally, one reluctant vein appeared (my arm was getting sore at this point). The nurse made a go and voila! no blood backflow. Thus started the embroidery-like action of looking for the elusive vein. After some time, the nurse finally took out the needle and decided that that spot is not going to be it.

Next, we moved the tourniquet to my forearm near the wrist and the slapping of my hand started. A few minutes passed and finally a vein. In went the needle and voila! still no backflow! Shit! In and out, in and out, in and out went the needle, my hand was starting to numb at this point. I was so ready for them to line my IV on my operated side when aha! finally! the needle found its target! I feel so proud that my right arm is feeling like a Spanish lace newly tatted! Ouch, ouch, ouch.

So, I went into the MRI room, still feeling very calm. I was instructed then to lie on my stomach and was told not to move during the test. I asked how long this was going to last and was told that it would take 30 to 45 minutes. That long?

Before I climbed onto the table, I noticed that maximum weight that can be on top of the machine is 300 pounds. Well, that's a bit reassuring, at least the machine won't bog down with my weight (maybe that's another reason why they weigh me in?) Then I noticed that there were two cup-like depressions where I am supposed to lie on. Oh. I have to put my "girls" into those? Cool! At least they won't get squashed!

After a barrage of instructions, they finally hooked up the dye and let it flow. Wow, oooh, oooh, that was cold! I can feel it creeping up my arm. After they made sure that I was okay, the nurses/technicians finally began to slide me into the machine. And so it began.

Even with the earplugs (which really hurt when the nurses inserted them into my ears) the sounds inside the tunnel during the procedure was quite loud; and comes in different levels. It went bong, bong, bong, and then ding, ding, ding, and then a whole lot of other sounds. To entertain myself and to keep me calm, I closed my eyes when the table was pushed into the tunnel; when the different sounds came on, I pictured myself in a video game, going levels higher and higher and higher. I was the Mario sister. Toink, toink, toink, toink, toink.

Next thing I knew, there was this muffled sound informing me that "hmmmmpppupu pupupenmmpo...will be done soon." Okay, at least I got that last part. So, I closed my eyes again and it was then I realized that I must have dozed off. Heeheehee.

I was finally done, and when I checked the clock, I was shocked to see that it was already past 8 pm! Wow. How time flies! Did I have fun? Weird.

I finally got the results last Friday, March 23. Olive went with me to the hospital for moral support. I was a bit nervous on my way to the hospital, but when I got there, an odd calm overcame my jitters. I gave my receipt and sat down with Olive in the waiting area and waited for my name to be called.

I got my films and results a couple of minutes later. I signed for it, acknowledging that I have received the films and the results. I sat down, took a deep breath and began to read. Yada yada yada yada yada yada. Conclusion: No malignancy or recurrence seen.

Okay, that's good. Let's go home, Olive. And I skipped and hopped (in my mind) with a grin that nearly split my face all the way to the car. Spanish lace was worth it, after all.

P.S. When Olive found out the cost to have breast MRI mammogram, she said she would rather get her girls squashed! I agree.

Trigger Finger

2007-03-20T11:35:00.000+08:00

Trigger finger? Chop it off before it does any damage!

To keep myself entertained and being bored, I am doing some transcription for I Can Serve. These transcriptions were given to me last October. It’s been five months and I still haven’t finished them. Somehow, things always get in the way – work, social life, play time, movie time, me time, all the time, etc. Yeah, right.

I promised to get this out of the way by the end of this month (that was what I also promised myself last January, and then again in February, *ROTL*), or at the latest, by Holy Week. So, here I am, trying to speed things up, when my trigger finger got in the way.

Darn! (plus all other invectives in English, Pilipino, Chinese, and all!) and another darn! (again, plus all other invectives in English, Pilipino, Chinese, and all!)

With the electricity fluctuation happening everyday, it became my habit (got it from transcription) to save the opened document every now and then. Well, let’s just say I (stupidly) overwrote a finished document with a fresh one. Ouch! Darn! (plus all other invectives in English, Pilipino, Chinese, and all!)

With all the swearing (in thought balloons) I’m directing at me, there are still two things to appreciate on the upside. One, it woke me up (I was nearly at the point of nodding off to sleep), and two, the transcribed file I overwrote is the shortest one in the lot.

Okay, enough of the foul language to me and let me go back to my transcription; but before I do that, one last hurrah: Darn! (plus all other invectives in English, Pilipino, Chinese, and all!)

Claustrophobia

2007-03-16T11:31:00.000+08:00

I'm feeling quite lost and have been pretty lethargic for a few weeks now. I don't know what to do, what to focus on. Am I having a *GASP!* mid-life crisis?! Even my colleague noticed this. He said that it seems I am just going through the motions and seemed listless, as if I lost the passion for life. Of course I denied this, saying that I'm just feeling a bit tired lately.

I find it hard to get out of bed in the mornings, and yet I cannot sleep early at night. I find myself craving for sweets - a sure sign that something's bothering me. I find myself sitting in my work station in the office, staring into my computer and yet I do not know what work to do. My brain's lethargic. I don't even want to decide on things as simple as picking a place for dinner.

The usual pick-me-ups doesn't seem to do the trick. I'm restless; very, very restless. Then it hit me today - this started to build up when my oncologist told me to get a bilateral breast MRI. I maybe just a teensy weensy bit antsy about my scheduled MRI. Yeah, I think I'm just worried, as I tend to be claustrophobic. These are sure signs when I am worried about something - I can't sleep, I feel tired, I get cranky, and I eat (a lot!).

I'll update you on my MRI experience next. It is scheduled for tonight at 6. This should be quite an experience.

"Presidential Stalker"

2007-02-21T23:36:00.000+08:00

Have you ever been "stalked" in your life? Perceived or otherwise? For those who have experienced this, it is NOT funny at all.

I have been noticing that in the last 8 years or so, I have been constantly crossing paths with a certain personality. Lately, it has been escalating. Sometimes, our paths would cross up to three times in a week! Really, it is getting to be a drag.

When Manila Midtown Hotel was still standing, we have crossed paths a couple of times. I was even thinking how vulnerable this personality was and how lax the security people were around her. Then, as the years passed, our paths would begin to cross more and more. I really have no interest in her, and yet, I constantly find myself within a few feet away. Am I being stalked here? For even on the roads of Metro Manila, she would somehow manage to be on the exact same road where I am at the moment. I would find my car being stopped.

Perhaps one of these days, I should confront her and ask her what she really wants from me. Why is she following me around? Does it make her so happy to see me that she would go to the lengths of blocking my car on the road?

Seriously! (as they would say in Grey's Anatomy)

Just the past three months alone, our paths have crossed 5, maybe even more, times; and stopping my car all these times. Last Saturday, on my way to meet a friend in Mall of Asia, I was yet again stopped in the streets - all because she has to go.

Madam President (Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo), please go "stalk" someone else. I have been inconvenienced time and time again.

Power Struggle?

2007-02-12T12:31:00.000+08:00

I have been at my new job for almost 4 months now. Things have been hectic. The project I’m involved in is top priority…or so the management says. Humor me, indulge me, while I gripe. I have promised myself that I will not post negative things in my blog, but I have to let this out, otherwise, I might explode.

For the past 2 weeks, I’m really pissed. I have been griping to my sister, to my friends, and even to my sister’s boyfriend. (Wow!) Not exempted are some colleagues. The scenario has started playing around 5 months ago, maybe even earlier. Things have escalated and here we are, 4 months since I joined, and still nowhere to go, same place as where everything was 5 months ago.

This is the first time since I started working that I cannot get a firm footing on my work. This is one company that I cannot understand if it wants to take off or not. I am starting to look bad and lazy, not being able to accomplish anything. I have voiced this out to the COO of the food group in our meeting last Friday; I said that I am getting tired of all this hullabahoo. If only we can have the cooperation of all departments involved, without the constant bickerings and these departments trying to look good by making others look bad, things could have been accomplished way before the set deadlines. People acknowledge the urgency of the project and yet they do not have the SENSE of urgency. Come to think of it, I wonderif they have any sense at all.

As it is, because of the “power struggle” of certain links in the chain, I unwillingly became their pawn in their game. I have to don a lot of hats just to keep things afloat. I became their messenger, their ambassador of goodwill, their purchaser, their accountant, and a lot more. I am the “catch basin” of the odd jobs that needs to be done, so anything not accomplished reflects on me. I am getting tired of all these. I am beginning to question the wisdom of my choice in joining this company.

A lot of issues have to be resolved, not at management level, but at the executive level. Issues that were left alone, and continued to be unaddressed because feelings are being “spared.” Now, two of us in the team are suffering because of the apathy of some executives; and we are caught in the midst of all of it.

I am trying to be level-headed in all these going-ons, but I am really, really, really, really pissed and tired! I dread coming to work, not because I do not like my work (I do!), but because I know that another day will pass and I will still not accomplish anything significant. I have been reporting to work with a heavy heart, and I don’t like this at all. I am beginning to wonder how much bull I can take, and until when.

I promised I’ll give this thing a year, and so I shall. Let’s see if things will look better by April.

I Do

2007-01-24T22:06:00.000+08:00

Actually, I don't. It's my sister, Olive, who's doing the "I Do." My baby sister is getting married! Well, not a baby anymore, actually.

I could not be any happier for her. With Jerome, I know they will have a beautiful life together.

Right now, Olive's kind of apprehensive of talking me to death about her wedding preparations; but I assured her that I am more than happy to listen. If it gets to the point of becoming all yada-yada, then I'll just shut out her voice and go to sleep. Hehehe - that, I have a special talent for.

I have yet to lift a finger in helping out with the wedding preparations; for I'd rather Olive do it herself. Plus what bride-to-be needs the added stress of unsolicited advice, the suggestions not asked for, all coming from the kind souls (I call them very opinionated people) surrounding the couple, etc.? Although Olive knows that all she has to do is just ask for my help and I will gladly help.

I'm sure the circus is going to go into full gear as the wedding day approaches. It will be hell and it will be fun.

Congratulations to Olive and Jerome!

For her wedding preparation chronicles, log on to http://ulebbride.blogspot.com

...and January 5 Makes Two

2007-01-11T23:23:00.000+08:00

I turned two last January 5. It's been two years since I had my operation. What better way to celebrate than to get a "passing" mark on the last of my check-up series.

In December, my labs came back fine. Even my liver function is slowly returning to normal. Last January 3, I got my mammies grammed in Cagayan de Oro. The following day, I went to see my onco-surgeon and he was quite happy with my mammogram results. Best part of the check-up yet was I found the long lost films of my original mammogram! I was looking for them for a year and it turned out that my doctor had them in his car all this time. Funny.

Dad went with me to the hospital for the mammogram. Since it took quite some time before I came back out from the room (the technician had to make sure she got good shots), Papa was quite worried. He did not say so, but you can sense it. When I went back for the results that afternoon, Papa was quite elated and heaved a huge sigh of relief when I told him that the results came back fine.

How time flies!

Keeping the Faith

2006-12-07T22:03:00.000+08:00

How does one do that? Keep the faith going, that is.

On my way home tonight, I received an SMS from a sister in I Can Serve informing me that one of the dear sisters got her bone scan back and it showed metastases in her bones. This after two or three years of remission. I was asked to pray for her. I said I will.

In times like this, one can't help but wonder why.

In times like this, one can't help but question the Big Guy's plans.

In times like this, I wonder if all the fighting is worth it.

One cannot help but get affected by news like this. With my own checkup approaching fast, I can't help being afraid. What if I will be next? What will I do if I get a recurrence? Will I still have enough strength left to fight again?

We in the support group always rally around each other, giving encouragement and support, be it through text, through email, through visits, or through prayers. I just hope we will not run out of steam at the same time. We constantly storm the gates of Heaven through prayers, petitions, and mass offerings.

As we are just human, we can't help but feel irritated at being so helpless when we hear news like this. And at the end of the day, we always prop each other up, wounded and all glorious, telling each other to be strong and keep the faith.

It's Christmas Time Again

2006-12-01T17:31:00.000+08:00

What??? It is December 1? Already? Oh, my, how time flies! I guess being busy and just having enough time to catch up with sleep and rest makes time goes doubly fast.

Last Saturday, the I Can Serve sisters had their christmas party (my first one for this year). We deliberately had the party early so that everyone would not need to squeeze another christmas party into their busy schedules come December. Smart move, I think.

The party was fun. It was nice to see the bald headed sisters last December now sporting newly grown hair; and to see those with then newly grown hair now wearing their hair longer. Well, I guess hair really IS a big issue with the ladies. It's funny and so heartwarming to hear "Hey, I almost did not recognize you with your hair!" As usual, there was an overabundance of food, which was brought potluck. Diet was taboo that lunchtime.

Pretty Ladies of I Can Serve

It just saddens me that our attendance have doubled since last year. This is one group that does not want new members. Much as the group is able to help the newly diagnosed and those undergoing treatments, it is always a burden to welcome new members into our fold. Although it was also good to see those who had recurrences there, looking good, enjoying themselves.

This year, I have been delinquent with I Can Serve, as the schedule of their activities has always been in conflict with mine. Next year, I promised to be more active, to pay forward all the blessings that I had with this group.

In less than a month, I will be marking the 2nd year of the start of this journey. Life has changed since that fateful day in December (28th) of 2004. A normal year now includes regular visits to the doctors, making sure that I get those regular check-ups, procedures (mammogram and CT scan), and labs. These are the "rude" reminders that life will never be the same. A life, which I am more thankful for.

Another christmas, another year ending, another year just round the corner, another new beginning. Let's all appreciate and take advantage of that. Merry Christmas, everyone!

Hello, World!

2006-11-15T21:46:00.000+08:00

Tonight, I decided to sit back and relax a teensy, weensy bit. Just as I was checking my emails, I remembered that I do have a blog and that I have not checked on it for quite some time. Hehehe...I need an assistant...or better yet, I need to clone me.

A lot has happened in the past two weeks. Work is still a merry go round, but I do enjoy the ride. I can now see the dot of light at the end in one of the tunnels. The biggest challenge for me still is trying to get enough sleep so that I do not nod off at my table while waiting for the 5-year-old laptop to open files without it informing me that it does not have enough memory; and to think that I was actually conceited enough to think that I am the only one who has memory troubles. Working hours are a bit unpredictable. At least twice a week, I find myself leaving the office around 8 in the evening, sometimes messing up my badminton nights! Hmp! *grin*

As if the daily grind is not enough, I have to rush some transcription work for my support group. Now I have Saturdays free, which at least gives me time to do the transcription work, that is, if I am not out shopping for my office attire and corresponding accessories! In between, there's the household chores and keeping in touch with family and friends. Now, am I a busy girl or not? Sometimes, I am so tempted to mimic my niece and tell people: Don't talk to me, I am very busy! Then I realised that on top of all these going ons in my life, I now feel a lot happier. I do not resent the fact that I have to wake up early so that I can get to work on time. I do not mind the long drive, which I now take advantage of for some "Me Time."

Friends have been telling me that I look better, happier, even when I am so harassed and dog tired. Well, they ARE my friends! *LOL* In times like tonight, it is nice to reconnect myself to the world, to remind me that there are a lot more stuff to do, and to remind me that I should stop, take time to smell the flowers, and enjoy life!

New Challenges

2006-10-31T19:56:00.000+08:00

For those who have known me for quite some time, they know how unhappy I was in my previous job. I have been with that company for 16 years, the last half of which had me looking for a better job somewhere else, for I had outlived my usefulness in that company.

Life indeed has its own sense of timing. Just when I was resigned to the idea and decided to go home to Cagayan de Oro for good, this new job all but landed on my lap, twisting things around yet again, making my head ache with trying to balance the pros and cons with my familial duties.

New job, new challenges. So great are the expectations from me that I had tummy ache the whole day on my first day; but so far, modesty aside, I have risen to every occasion, every challenge thrown my way. I’m still the headless chicken running around the office, trying to grasp the essential stuff that I need for me to do my job. Meetings go on the whole day; opinions must be given on the spot; what I say they take seriously (a tad too seriously, I think); sometimes all these overwhelm me. For the longest time, my opinions never take much weight or were just cast aside, my words were never valued, and my brain cells were all but dying. Suddenly, I find myself being thrust into the limelight. I am the new kid on the block, the wonder kid. I am expected to troubleshoot and fine tune all the stuff that comes my way. Oh, my. What a responsibility!

The other day, we had to make a presentation to a group of potential investors, I have been with the company for less than a week, and yet they trust me to be able to be one of the people to convince this big entity to come and invest in us! Whoa! So much is expected of me that I sometimes fear that I might just trip, stumble, and fall flat on my face. After being on the “freezer” for so long, I can’t help but doubt myself sometimes.

Things get clearer each day, but there are still gaps (like today) when I do not know what to do, when I do not have a clue of what is expected of me. Well, all will work out in due time, that much I am sure.

Happy Birthday!

2006-10-22T12:35:00.000+08:00

Here we are, celebrating our parents' birthdays. Both Mama and Papa celebrate their birthdays following the lunar calendar, so it changes every year. This year, their birthdays fell on October 15th and 24th.

Last weekend, Olive and I flew home to celebrate their birthdays. After 40 years of our parents always celebrating our birthdays for us, we felt it is time for us to celebrate their birthdays for them.

Weeks (actually, only 2 weeks) of preparation finally paid off. A lot of details were neglected but thankfully, we were able to hurdle them at the last minute. It was 2 weeks of late nights for us, staying up until 2 or 3 in the morning.

On the day of the party, it was all worth it. Papa and Mama were very happy, you can see it in their faces. The guests were impressed with the food. We had an very short program, which my cousin said was ok because it did not bore the guests out of their wits.

Seeing my parents happy on their birthday really made the day for us. It made me realize how lucky we are. Although we have our share of bickerings and misunderstandings, our love for each other more than made up for these. We are truly blessed.

Stormed!

2006-09-30T00:42:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, more than half of Luzon was battered by the typhoon Milenyo. It came with wind speed up to 160 kph. The typhoon did not weaken even after it hit land three times.

I did not know that signal #3 had been raised over Metro Manila early yesterday morning. I just knew that classes were suspended at all levels and that the number coding was suspended. So, I went on my merry way and reported to work. Power was fluctuating around 9am, and then it finally went out about 11am. By 11:30, all of us in the office were watching open-mouthed as the typhoon wreak its havoc. We saw Mother Nature's fury.

Tree branches broke and hanged precariously tangled with the telephone and electric wires. Sheets of roofing would occasionally be seen flying in the distance. The rain was not coming down in straight line, rather, raindrops were going in all directions. If you attempted crossing the street, you'd find yourself "whipped" by the rain and the wind; your umbrella would be totally useless after opening.

We waited out the worst part of the storm. When the wind had slowed, and the rain let upped, I decided to brave the tail end of the storm and go home before the roads are totally obstructed with fallen trees, electric posts, flood, and billboards.

The trip home was like going through an obstacle course; there were several fallen trees, some blocking half of the road, some totally blocking the road. There were flooded areas. Signages of establishments were bent and broken, posing like Pilita Corrales. The most horrifying scene I saw was seeing a car with the roof caved in, the guilty billboard still lying on top of it. I know, I know, I really should get that camera! Our neighbors were not spared, one had its roof blown away at the height of the typhoon, leaving their furnitures and other stuff drenched in rain.

Anyway, most if not whole of Luzon was plunged into darkness. Per news report, 18 power line towers were toppled over, and perhaps half of them will be useless. Today, we were lucky to have power restored at the condo. I heard that only 30% of Metro Manila have power again as of tonight.

Crossroads

2006-09-09T12:53:00.000+08:00

Like the roads everywhere, life's travelling also brings you to the intersections. Sometimes, it's just a plain fork in the road, sometimes, you have a cross, and then there's also the 5-way intersection, maybe more.

So how does one choose? Do you take the road less travelled? Do you take the well worn path? Or do you strike out and make a path of your own? Such are the choices that we must make, knowing that whatever it is that we chose, it will alter the course of our lives. So, we are ever hopeful that the choice we make is the right one; but the bigger questions are: What is the right choice? Is there a right choice? Since we have to live with the choices we make, we tend to "over agonize" with what is presented to us and ask a lot of questions before finally making a decision with the hope that what we did was right.

Like the rest of the human race, my life was and is defined by the choices I made, make, and will make. Everytime I come across such intersection, I try to decide using a two-pronged approach. First, I do it emotionally. This is the instinct, the gut feel, the feeling of what is "right." Then, I would let a few hours or days go by, and then use my head. Logic kicks in and pros and cons are weighed. Then I decide and promise myself that I will not ask "what-if?"

I am in such a fix right now. After hunting for the right job for the last eight years or so, I felt that I finally stumbled into it. Actually, it's more of the job falling into my lap. How could I say no? I did not go looking for this one. It came to me. So what's making me think again?

Yesterday, my dad had his bone scan, and the "picture" that was shown was not pretty at all. He has bone mets all over. When I learned about it, I cried (yet again). My first instinct is to not accept this job and go home and look for one there. After the tears dried up, the logical side of me kicked in: If I indeed go home and work there, I would make my dad very happy, for he has been wanting me to go home for the past eight years or so. Maybe he understood how unhappy I was career-wise.

What's stopping me? Here's the thing: Papa have already accepted his lot, I have not. It is hard for me to think of Papa having cancer, having bone mets without me shedding at least a few drops of tears (sometimes, I think I really am being overdramatic), and I do not know what my reaction will be when I will see Papa everyday. I do not know if I will be strong enough for him. I do not know if I can control my emotions (which is like a runaway train these days). How will Papa feel when he sees my crying every now and then? I will eventually run out of excuses! Oh, believe me, I have already made up a list ranging from "I got dust in my eye" to "I'm practising for the bit role I landed in this drama movie."

Yesterday, when I got the news from my brother, I can't bring myself to call them right away. I have to let the day pass before I can call them, and this I did only because I had a missed call from my mom! I have to harness in the tremendous sadness that I feel so that it will not show in my voice when I talk to them, lest they would worry about me.

I feel like I am running away from my duties, but I honestly do not know if my presence will be helpful or will be detrimental to my dad's health. Who would want to see his/her family breaking down every so often? Would that not make one think that they are already being grieved upon while they are still alive? How will that help them health-wise? We will just be feeding on each other's fears and depression.

My parents are both excited for me to start in this new job. They, too, felt that this is so right for me. Mom has been calling me quite often, asking me if I had already signed the contract, tendered my resignation, etc. Even Dad has set aside his "campaign" to get me home and gave me his blessings. So, I made a compromise with myself. I will accept this new job and try it for a year. If things do not work out for whatever reason, then I will go home. In that year, I will have to make myself accept Papa's lot; perhaps then, I would not be as emotional.

Yes, these things have a funny way of working out on their own, and I will count on that.

The Sun Shines Again

2006-08-29T18:52:00.000+08:00

After almost two months of rough sailing in the deep waters of life, the sun is finally shining again.

I got a message from sister-in-law late this afternoon, informing me that brother's operation went well. I was surprised since I was told by my brother that his operation is scheduled for tomorrow. Well, at least, it is over now. He has appendectomy, and the best news is that no other mass was found.

Dad is doing fine and is going about his usual activities again. Mom's arthritis is improving, and so are her allergies.

Things are going to get better, I have always said, and yes, they are! =D

All's Well

2006-08-22T17:24:00.000+08:00

All's well now in the homefront. Papa is doing okay post surgery. Brother's symptoms have resolved and he is now A-okay.

I never realised how stressed we all were until all's well. We were on the verge of fighting instead of supporting each other. I became a nag, which did not help at all. The rest of the family was either irritable or scared when I talked to them. It's a wonder that we were able to hold up under the storm.

I took the weekend off and let myself went a little insane, as per the advice of a friend, playing badminton day and night to let go of the stress. It worked! I think I am less cranky now, less prone to bursting into tears, less spaced out, and less sad.

I can now think with a clearer head. I can even hold the hand of a friend in need. Indeed, all's well that ends well.

Unbelievable

2006-08-09T17:51:00.000+08:00

Unbelievable! That’s what it is. I just finished talking to Mama and my brother. Papa just had his surgery today and I called Mama up to ask about Papa. They are on their way home as we spoke. Papa is doing okay. Then I found out that my brother will be admitted to the hospital tonight. He has been having high fever for a week now and they found an abscess (?) in his stomach!

Is there no end???

Listen to Your Elders

2006-08-09T17:08:00.000+08:00

Listen to your elders when they tell you stuff. Oftentimes, you will find the wisdom of these when you are faced with different situations in life.

When we were kids, we were not allowed to do anything else during mealtimes. Meals were taken at the dining table and not anywhere else. Not in front of the television, not while doing other things. We have to finish eating (at the dining table) first before we can be excused to go back to whatever it is we were doing before the meal. Up until now, if we are in Cagayan de Oro, when Ma says dinner is served, we would stop what we were doing (often watching tv) and sit down at the dining table to eat.

Here in Manila, living on our own, we are more flexible about this. Often, if I am alone, I would be eating in front of the tv. Last Saturday night was no exception. Sister was out and I was home by myself. I was working on something in front of the computer when I got hungry. I went to the kitchen and got a couple of breadsticks and some cheese spread. I proceeded to eat the breadsticks, putting on the spread as I ate along, eating in front of the computer, not wanting to be interrupted in my work. Undecided of I wanted a third stick or not, I looked at the remaining breadsticks. It was then that I took notice of my food up close and personal. Well, what do you know, out of the five sticks left, two have started to sprout something. It looks like daffodils! On a breadstick? That cannot be good, or nice. How can be molds be nice? or good?

It was then that I realised I might have eaten breadsticks that have "extra flavoring" on it. The cheese spread might have masked whatever taste it has. I cannot know for sure if the breadsticks I had eaten have molds on them or not. Oh, well. At least, the decision was made for me. I did not have a third stick as I threw out the rest of it.

So, eat your meal at the dining table and not in front of the television. That way, you can be sure that you do not have molds on your food.

I also learned that yes, molds can be good - they are good at killing appetites in a snap. Good for people who are dieting!?? *LOL*

Life Goes On

2006-08-09T16:19:00.000+08:00

It has been a while since I last blogged. The past weeks has been very taxing, but not without a couple of comic moments. Time and again, I have tried to make an entry. I just end up sitting and staring at the computer screen, trying to put into words the jumble of thoughts going through my head; and as the dates indicate, I have not succeeded in doing so, until today.

Sickness has been very busy visiting family members. An aunt had to be operated on for kidney stones. Another aunt, the one taking care of the operated aunt, was found to have problems with her heart, requiring her to be fitted with a pacemaker. The aunt who had her kidney stones removed was also found to be a candidate for pacemaker fitting. Topping the “icing” on sickness cake so generously doled out to us was the news of Papa being diagnosed with cancer himself.

I wanted to complain, loud and make it crystal clear, to some higher being, to some bigwig, the boss, whoever is out there, why are YOU picking on US? What is so special about us? Why make us your favorites? Then when all the rage and emotions were spent (for the moment), I wonder what is in the big picture. Why not us? There must be something special about us that we are being clobbered left, right, front, back, and middle.

The strength, courage, and faith of the family are being sorely tested. There are times that I would just break down and cry, days when I have to force myself out of bed although I really wanted to just sleep and sleep and sleep, days that I find it hard to sleep, times that I find it difficult to breathe, and a lot of times when I would find myself short tempered and having zero tolerance for ineptitude.

As the days passed, I learned that the best way to cope with all these is to just accept, not accept blindly, but accept these trials and try to make the most of everything, understanding that anger and denial are exercises in futility. I have accepted, although with the cold hand of fear holding my heart so tightly. Maybe I worry too much, but then again, shouldn’t I?

Sometimes, I feel like the end of the tunnel is already in sight, with all the accompanying sunshine and silver linings, waiting for me to get there. Then something like this happens and I wonder if I am on the wrong track, going round and round in the dark.

Frankie

2006-07-22T15:19:00.000+08:00

I am not in a habit of mentioning names and posting pictures of people I know in this blog for the simplest of reason: Preserving their privacy. However, I am going to break this now and introduce you to Dr. Frances Blanco-Dizon, fondly known as Frankie or Dr. Frankie to her family and friends.

I came to know Frankie only after I got sick. If ever there are any regrets in my relationship with her, it is only that I did not come to know her sooner.

Frankie was afflicted with breast cancer herself. She was diagnosed while she was still doing her surgical residency at PGH. Having cancer did not hold her back. Frankie went on to become an onco-surgeon. Since then, there was no going back for her. As she bravely soldiered on with her own battle with the disease, Frankie touched countless of lives, not only as a doctor, but as a cancer survivor as well.

I was one of those people who Frankie picked up along the (cancerous) way. I clearly remembered being in total awe of a total stranger, one who is not only beautiful, but also brave and kind. After being diagnosed with breast cancer, while my head was whizzing with all those information dumped on me, while I was at a loss on where to go from there, Frankie entered my life, and just like that, she shone a light on the dark path that I was on. She was the one who showed me that there is life with cancer and that it is worth fighting tooth and nail for every inch of the way. With her unassuming and uncondescending manner, she provided me what I needed at that time of darkness, a friend who understands what I was going through, who assures me that everything will be all right.

Frankie founded a breast cancer support group in Cagayan de Oro. I am sure that the group sorely missed her. The group have reached out and provided support for lots of women that needed it. She was also active and was our resident doctor of the I Can Serve egroup. She would explain in simplest of terms the most complicated sounding medical terms associated with breast cancer, and she had always succeeded in putting the worst fears of the members to rest.

When I found out that Frankie had a recurrence early this year, I cannot help but cry with her as we chatted on the net. It was my turn to "hold" her hand and I am glad to be able to do so, even if it was only for a brief ten minutes or so. From common friends, I heard that Frankie finally agreed to do another round of chemotherapy, which she was reluctant to have at first. I salute her for her courage, knowing how hard it is for one's body (not to mention psychologically)to go through chemotherapy yet again.

Last Sunday morning, July 16, 2006, at 8:30 in the morning, Frankie finally succumbed to cancer. When I found out about it on Monday morning, I simply could not stop my tears from flowing.

Frankie, you were one amazing tough lady. You were a beacon whose light was extinguished prematurely. We all will miss you terribly.

Joujou

2006-07-19T19:39:00.000+08:00

Bad joujou, that's what I have been having lately. Those who watch Grey's Anatomy would be familiar with this term; for those who do not watch the series, it's roughly translated into one word: Luck.

Last Monday was one of the worse days of my life. Even I could not believe the amount of bad joujou coming my way the whole day that day.

I woke up with a headache (not a good sign as I usually get sick afterwards). When I got to the office, I opened my yahoo account and I found out that a dear friend have passed. Then, nothing at work seemed to go right. My computer broke down and had to be carted off to the shop. People I have to deal with were being difficult. Silly and outrageous demands were being made left and right. The working day finally ended. I thankfully left the office, hoping to leave behind the bad joujou.

On the way home, I was quite antsy about the rain coming down. It had rained earlier in the afternoon, so before I left the office, I turned on the wipers to clean the windshield. Imagine how dumbfounded I was when the wipers proceeded to cross each other and made an "X", after which I have to manually disentangle them! I really, really, REALLY wanted to cry and bawl and kick myself silly then; but it's all inside.

I had planned on playing badminton that night, to expend/expel all the negative energy. Then I remembered that I left my badminton gear at home. Now, I have to go home and change. No worries it's just a 15-minute drive home. Well, the 15-minute drive became an hour. Traffic was really bad.

It was then that I decided I had enough. I would not venture out anymore, lest I tempt fate further and hurt myself at the courts. I would just stay put. Read a book perhaps, for I dare not go online, the computer might get a whole bunch of virus, worms, spyware, adware, and whatever else is there that you can get online. Worse still would be if it got so bad that the computer would crash, heaven forbid!

So, I took a bath, hoping to wash away all the bad joujou of the day, and stayed home.

Things are getting better (with that luck, things have no where to go but up, right?), but it seems that I still have some residual bad joujou left. Today, I got myself a runny nose. I woke up with a scratchy throat, and Boyd has to stay in the shop longer than originally planned.

So how does one chase it all (the bad joujou) away? Help?

Not Meant To Be

2006-07-05T17:08:00.000+08:00

After waiting for a month, I finally heard from the retail chain where I submitted my curriculum vitae. I have all but given up on it, knowing deep down that I did not get the job because of my medical history.

I have told the person who referred me that if the company will have a problem with my being a cancer survivor, then I will definitely be having problems working for them. I simply cannot work for somebody who thinks that I will drop dead for sure at some point in time during work.

I got a call from the referring person this afternoon, telling me that the company have no problems whatsoever with my credentials. However, I was told that I might not pass the medical requirements. Yep, I was right.

Well, I think that I am simply not meant to be working for this company. This is the second time that I have applied for a job with this company, and both times I got really lame excuses for their non acceptance. I feel sad.

2nd Quarterly Check Up

2006-07-04T17:32:00.000+08:00

There's no putting it off anymore, so I went to see my Oncologist last Thursday. I was getting anxious again when I stepped on hospital grounds. I DO think it is psychological. Unpleasant stuff associated with hospitals.

I brought along my lab results, of which I was quite satisfied. Everything was within normal range except for my liver functions SGPT and SGOT, which were elevated to almost twice the normal levels.

My good doctor was also happy with my lab results, my weight, and even with my blood pressure (which I am so proud of: 120/75! Imagine that!) With regards to my liver function, we both think it is a side effect of taking tamoxifen (I did some research before going to the hospital). I will be taking a repeat lab next week (2 weeks from last lab) of my liver function before we decide how to tackle this hurdle.

Overall, I had the stamp of "in good condition". Next check-up will be in three months. With the usual lab exam, plus a CT scan. Oh, lordy!

All Messed Up

2006-06-28T10:31:00.001+08:00

I am up for a visit to my oncologist. I tried to see her last week but her schedule was full and she does not hold clinic on Saturdays anymore. I was able to get an appointment for tomorrow.

I have been trying to “prepare” myself for this checkup, as my good doctor wants to see my sugar profile, lipid profile, thyroid hormones on top of the standard tests that I usually do. Well, I have not been exactly a good girl, so I am bracing myself for high everything (Bad, bad Vanj!)

What I did not expect was an anxiety attack. How does one deal and cope with that? I woke up calm and relaxed this morning. Then, as I was preparing to go to the laboratory to have my blood extraction, I can feel the onset of an anxiety attack slowly creeping in. I tried to calm myself down, taking deep breaths, praying, even trying to chant myself into oblivion (You can do it! You can do it! You can do it! AHHHH! Paksyet! You can do it! You can do it!); but I still felt anxious; I can even feel my blood pressure slowly going up.

While driving myself to the lab, I tried deep breathing, but somewhere along the way, the long deep breaths became short, shallow breaths! This is not good. So I tried praying, but I can never seem to complete a single sentence/thought. So I just prayed: “Oh, You know what I mean! Amen.” Then chanting: You can do it! You can do it! You can do it! Oopps, was that a red light? You can do it! You can do it! You can do it! Yikes, I think I was supposed to turn right there. You can do it! You can do it! Oh, stop it! You HAVE to do it! Deal with it!

So, I got to the laboratory all wired up. However, in the midst of all this self rallying, self cheering, I managed to remember to bring the betadine solution – just in case the medical technicians have a hard time extracting blood from my right arm, they can do it on my left. How I did it, I really do not know; for I would usually remember to do something one second and then forget about it the next.

I was lucky, we got blood at one go! It was only after the extraction that I find myself relaxing. I felt the energy draining away, or was it the anxiety? Good thing I was kind of leaning on the table when I was presented with the bill, otherwise, I might just find myself picking me up from the floor.

Now, if only this would not happen again when I go to my oncologist tomorrow! However, I do not think I would be able to relax until the appointment is over. I can feel the anxiety coming for me again as early as now, merciless in its death-like grip. Heaven help me when my blood pressure shall be taken tomorrow!

I honestly do not know why I have all these anxieties. I do not know if it is because I was anticipating for a hard time at the lab, or that the results would not be good, or maybe it is just my paranoia – that niggling feeling that something might be wrong with me again. Don’t you just hate it when you’re all messed up UP there? I hate being a wimp.

Girlfriends 2

2006-06-26T16:50:00.000+08:00

Last Monday, I went to Makati to meet up with Gigi, who had been in town for three weeks already. It was her last night in Manila before she flies back home. We were supposed to meet earlier in her stay here but things kept cropping up and messing our schedules.

It was good to see Gigi again. Over dinner, we talked about everything and nothing; friends, foes, family, everything. We also gossiped like the two girls that we are.

Last night, I went out with a couple of other girlfriends. We gossiped, yes. We had girl talk. We had fun.

Looking back, I realized that these friends are so good to me. They kept me sane. They have the knack of being there when you need them most - for a good laugh, for a good time, for a much needed pick-me-up, for drinks, for juicy true-to-life stories, for EVERYTHING!

Life is much more fun and colorful when you have girlfriends, and I am so lucky to be blessed with a bunch of them.

High School Reunion

2006-06-21T17:54:00.000+08:00

Last Sunday, I went with Mom to her high school reunion. It has been 50 years since they graduated. We were at the venue by 945 although the event was scheduled to start at noon. A little bit early, aren’t we? Well, Mom was recruited to sell tickets at the gate that’s why she had to be there early. Being the chaperone and chauffer, I had nothing to do, so I went out and got me Sunday papers, which kept me good company until 12 (when lunch began).

By 1030, the place was already teeming with people. Some of Mom’s classmates came home (from all over the world: US, Hong Kong, China, etc.) just to attend this event. By 11, people were overflowing to the reception area.

It was fun to see their batch come together. I was amazed at their energy and enthusiasm. It is as if 50 years did not happen and they were still in high school. When the class picture was taken, the stage nearly cannot accommodate the celebrants! Easily, they could be around a hundred, maybe more.

Seeing a bunch of 70-year-olds come together laughing and giggling, enjoying each other’s company, was a rare treat. Boredom just faded into the distance. I sat back and enjoyed watching these people enjoy themselves and each other’s company. It was a good day. It was a good reunion (and I won in the raffle).

Road Trip

2006-06-16T18:07:00.000+08:00

A couple of friends and I decided to go to Vigan for the weekend (June 10 and 11). This is my first road trip in quite a while.

We left Manila at dawn (530 AM) and had breakfast in the car when we reached our first “pit stop” at Hacienda Luisita. Breakfast consists of Spam pandesal sandwiches, and juice that we brought along. After a 10 or 15 minute stop, we hit the road again, aiming to be in Vigan by 2 or 3 PM.

As soon as we passed through the arch welcoming motorists to La Union, we saw a line of people on the roadside, sticking out their fists and waving them in the air, each fist clenching prawns and/or shrimps of different sizes. No, this is not a peculiar local way of welcoming people to La Union, but rather these people are advertising the size of the prawns/shrimps they are selling. We picked one lady and proceeded to negotiate with her and her cronies. We choose to buy the 4- to 6-inch shrimps rather than the bigger 8- to 9-inch prawns.

After haggling (which we got not a single cent off, such hagglers we are!), we decided to purchase a kilo. When the ladies took out their weighing scale, I was eyeing it skeptically. Also, I noticed that they had a plastic bag ready, which has a couple of inches of water in it. A kilo worth of shrimps was weighed and I had my doubts; it looks like half a kilo only to me. When I asked one of my friends to check the weight (since he goes to the market every week), the ladies slipped the shrimps into the plastic (with two inches of water). My friend took the shrimps and pronounced the weigh to be quite fair. So, off we went again, pushing on.

Shortly after, we decided to pull over and have an impromptu picnic. Roadside cooking (also called tailgating, I was told) was fun, complete with the smiles from people inside passing vehicles. We discovered then that the shrimps we bought were indeed less than a kilo. Our market expert did not know that there was water in the plastic bag before the shrimp was placed in it. Well, we did get a kilo of shrimps, including the water. No matter. We were indeed “tourists” and got “duped” by the locals. However, if we had an honest to goodness kilo of shrimps, we might not have finished it. At least, we had no leftovers (yeah, yeah, and yeah; right). Lunch was done in 30 minutes, from setting up to cleaning up our “mess.” And then we forged on.

We finally got to Vigan around 300 PM. Not bad, we hit our target time. We immediately headed to the town plaza and had the local specialties, the empanada and the okoy. After filling our stomach yet again, we did the tourist thing - walked around the plaza, the main road, looked for a cheap (but clean) hotel, visited the zoo, bought local handicrafts (I got some hand towels and blankets, woven from a loom). We stayed overnight, and headed back to Manila after brunch the following day.

The drive back home was longer; we were more relaxed and had more stops for lunch, for roadside corn, for coffee. We had dinner when we got to Manila.

People who found out that we were in Vigan for a night asked why we stayed for so short a time. After traveling all 400 + kilometers from Manila to Vigan, why not stay longer? Truth is I don’t know. For us, overnight was enough for us to see, feel, and appreciate the charm of the place. Another night might leave us with nothing to do. This way, at least we did not have time to be bored.

Till the next road trip!

Chemo- or Hare-brained?

2006-06-07T11:57:00.000+08:00

I am now playing badminton again, every Monday night, and time and playmates allowing, Thursday nights, too.

I get my natural highs playing the game, sometimes it's not too good, as I end up still wide awake at 230 in the morning, still feeling the adrenalin rush.

Last Monday, early morning, as I was preparing my clothes for the games that night, I opened my badminton bag and found out that I was losing my badminton shoes! I lost my shoes! I lost my shoes! Panic almost set in, I remembered to take a deep breath and tried to think where I might have lost my shoes. I did not even bother to look at the array of shoes in the room. I knew in my bones I left my shoes at the court where I played the previous week.

My goodness! I have been oblivious to the fact that I do not my badminton shoes, and it's been a week! Now, is that chemo brain at work? or me just being plain hare-brained?

I rang up the court and was told that no one turned over any shoes. Darn! Now, I have to get new shoes! I texted Olive and told her that I lost my shoes. She immediately called me back. Olive was kind of in a panic mode; she was telling me that she threw away a pair of shoes over the weekend and that those might be my shoes. I calmed her down, telling her that it would be impossible for her to throw out my shoes as I don't think I brought them home last week.

I went to the court without buying any shoes. My options: 1) get shoes from the court. 2) not play. 3) play barefoot. Of course, these options are not acceptable to me, but what can I do? When I got to the court, I immediately went to the counter to sign the attendance sheet. What did I see then? My shoes! Someone found them and gave them to the counter for safekeeping! Hallelujah! I could not be happier at that moment.

Geesh. One week of not knowing that my shoes were lost? Seriously!

Giant Nebulizer

2006-05-26T10:07:00.000+08:00

I had been (and still is) having trouble with my cough. I have the dry, heaving kind; the one the leaves you clutching your sides because your ribcage hurts after a coughing spell; the one that leaves your throat raw; the one that wakes you up at night; the one that leaves you weak.

Last Wednesday, I decided to go work already (from the fear of developing bedsores, besides, my bed could need a break from me). I spend the day "floating" around the office, trying to do as much work as I can manage, nodding off from time to time.

Wednesday night, I fetched one of my girlfriends and we went to City Lifestyles to pamper ourselves with a massage. Included in the massage is the free use of the wet floors. Hacking and coughing, I feared for a minute that they won't let me in because I was sick. But then again, this is the Philippines, so I got in.

We decided to use the steam room over the sauna or jacuzzi, we even asked the attendant to pour some eucalyptus scented water into whatever contraption that was in there to make the room smell minty. Well, well, well. We were in there for 15 minutes and what do you know, I just coughed twice, and just single barks at that! I realized that what I had at my disposal (at that time) was a giant nebulizer! With the eucalyptus scent, my nasal passageways as well as my bronchial tubes cleared up. What a treat!

My friend, who is a doctor, also noticed this. She asked what meds I have and told me to take antihistamine as well, for I may have developed symptoms similar to allergies with my cough, that's why it's dry and non productive, no matter how much expectorant I had.

I still cough like a mad dog from time to time, but the episodes are now further apart. Maybe I should have another go at that wonderful "nebulizer."

Slow Recovery

2006-05-23T10:34:00.000+08:00

Since Thursday last week, I have been out of commission due to the flu.

Flu? I had my flu shots last year, and I believe I'm still a few days shy to a year, and I GOT flu? I'm going to sue that drug company that made that flu vaccine!

Then, a friend pointed out to me that maybe I got the flu because it is of a DIFFERENT strain. Oh. Yeah. Right. There goes my dream of being rich!

Kidding aside, I stayed home since Thursday, trying to get well as soon as possible. By Saturday I was fine. No fever, no bone-aching tiredness, nothing! I elected to stay home still so that I can fully recover. Sunday, I woke up feeling lethargic. Uh-oh. Then I started to cough. Uuuh-Oooh... then the ball started to roll. Sunday night, I was running a slight fever again, sleep was a bit hard to come by with my intermittent hacking and coughing.

Yesterday morning, I woke up feeling good. So, I dressed up and left for the office. When I got to the office, I was feeling tired already! By lunch time, I was already out of it, getting sleepy and lethargic once again. After eating lunch, I went home and slept till 6!

This morning, I woke up (late!) still feeling lethargic and with a headache, so I decided to just stay home...and probably watch Grey's Anatomy.

When Oportunities Knock

2006-05-14T13:25:00.000+08:00

How is it that when I was actively searching for a job, there seems to be none?

Now that I am content (or so I try to convince myself) with my lot, it seems that jobs are being offered left and right, enough to make my head spin and stay up half the night trying to figure things out.

Two weeks ago, I was asked if I'd be interested in Canada. Last week, I was directed by Gigi to check out the job openings at a certain international organization, destination could be anywhere in the world. Last night, I was asked if I'd be interested in working for one of the biggest retail chain in the country.

The first job would offer better compensation and the chance to live overseas. Depending on the post I'll get, the second one could mean a chance to travel the world (or to parts of it anyway). The last one would also mean better compensation. Well, they all mean better compensation.

So, what's holding me back?

Well, the first offer would have me migrating to Canada, a country that would not be my first choice of destination (no offense to the people living in Canada) as I have this thing against COLD. And then there is also the fact that after asking me, the information stopped there. I was not able to get any more information about the "recruitment," so it could just be a fly by night company out to dupe people.

The second offer could open the world to me, it will mean leaving everybody and everything I know behind. Something I am not totally sure if I want to or can do.

The lastest offer is just better remuneration. Commuting time will be tripled, if not quadrupled. Working hours will be the same if not longer. Stress level will definitely be way up there. Extra curriculars (badmintons, dinners, movies) will be back to zero levels. For a time, things will be interesting, and then when all becomes routine, will it all be worth it?

Of the three, the third is the most practical for me; but then there's this reservation: have I still got what it takes to get there?

If I stay right where I am now, I would have the chance to develop my skills as a Medical Transcriber, something I want to do. I would have more freedom to do what I want, when I want.

Since I got cancer, my perspective have changed, so did my priorities. Living a full life is now more important to me than anything else. So the choices I make must be in harmony with that. What to do? What to do?

Stories from CDO

2006-05-09T16:00:00.000+08:00

The weekend was fun.

I discovered that Max can easily terrorize her neighbor playmate, Shane. Shane was screaming and running for his dear life, hiding behind his nanny's back, while Max was gleefully laughing chasing Shane into a corner of the restaurant, thoroughly enjoying herself. Max's objective: to give Shane a bear hug, one that leaves him gasping for breath and hurting. When Max realized the futility of the exercise, she went around telling the guests that Shanie is hiding from her. When asked why, she quipped: He does not like me. Although, when I asked her again yesterday why Shane was hiding from her, her answer turned into "I don't know."

Last Sunday, Mom told me that she saw Max in a sort of pillow fight with the other kids and it looked like Max is having the time of her life. She can give as much as she received. Mom can't quite describe the whole scenario she witnessed but she did say that even though Max was the youngest in the bunch, she did give the older kids something to think about twice when it comes to bullying her.

Well, at least, even at this early age, Max can fend for herself. We just have to make sure that she doesn't turn into the schoolyard bully.

Home

2006-04-30T19:48:00.000+08:00

The three of us siblings left home in our teens to study in Manila.

During the first year away, I would look forward to the school breaks so that I can go home to Cagayan de Oro.

Then I was able to make some friends in the university that made my life quite colorful, I started to dread the school breaks then, for it means going home to Cagayan de Oro, and that I would miss out all the "action" and fun of the gang.

After graduation, I was debating for a brief period (all three days of it) whether to look for a job in Manila or accept the job offer in Cagayan de Oro. Obviously, I chose to stay in Manila.

From then on, my life is in Manila; it became more of a "home" for me than Cagayan de Oro; I jumped right into the fast paced life and loved it. I only think Cagayan de Oro as "home" then for my parents are still there. I would go back once a year to spend the holidays there, which admittedly, I sometimes dread, for the place has become alien to me. The only people I know there (who are not family) are the friends I have from high school, who in turn are also just visiting.

The longest stay I had in Cagayan de Oro in years was when I had my surgery last year. There, I realized that I am indeed just a visitor of Cagayan de Oro. I even had a hard time understanding the dialect, especially when it's spoken fast and big words were used. It takes an extra effort and concentration on my part to listen to and understand the dialect.

A few years back, my brother moved back to Cagayan de Oro to start his medical practice. He is now raising his own family there. Olive and I, on the other hand, continues to stay here in Manila.

The difference now is that I DO look forward to going back. I look forward to the limited time I can spend with my parents, with my brother, with my sister in law, and with my nieces. Okay, maybe with a few visits with my high school friends thrown in.

This Saturday, May 6th, Alexia will be baptized and I have the honor of being one of her godmother. I am going home for the baptismal and I am excited! I can't wait to go home once again.

One Month? Already?

2006-04-30T19:32:00.000+08:00

My, goodness! It's the last day of April already??? It seems like we were just up to our neck trying to pack everything for the move and already a month's passed.

After moving in, Olive and I were unpacking every spare minute we have - meaning when we're home from work, and not asleep; and yet tomorrow is already the first of May and we still have a handful of boxes lying around!

We tried to analyze what happened to our unpacking momentum when we realized what's stopping us from finishing up: we ran out of storage space. While packing, we have thrown out quite a bit of stuff; while unpacking, we threw out some more stuff; and yet we still ran out of storage space??? This is embarassing!

So, Olive and I went window shopping for the solution/s.

Yesterday, Olive went on the shopping errand of purchasing a bookcase and a console table with a bunch of drawers. These should be enough for us to store the remaining stuff.

Canada

2006-04-27T15:25:00.000+08:00

A colleague asked me today if I will be interested in working in Canada. They are in need of MTs (medical transcriptionist).

Migration? Maybe.

Canada? Definitely not (yet).

Dare I?

Two Strong Women

2006-04-20T17:12:00.000+08:00

Two of the strongest, bravest, and warmest women I know have departed this world last Holy Week. One of them was my "classmate" in three or four of my chemotherapy sessions, the other I met through I Can Serve. These two women have inspired me and touched my life in ways that they never knew. It's a little wonder that I cried my eyes out for them when I was at the wake of one and at the funeral of the other. One is 79 years old when she passed, the other 56, both had put up a very good fight against cancer.

Towards the end of my chemo sessions (the last two), I find it harder and harder to go to the hospital to have my treatments; mainly because I was already feeling the cummulative effects of the drugs. I would try to make up excuses in advanced so that I can present them to the doctor when chemo day comes. Then, I would remember Tita R, who at 79, was cheerfully going to each of her chemo sessions. Tita R would bring sandwiches, softdrinks, and other stuff enough to feed the whole Ambulatory Unit staff, her doctors, and if we had our chemo on the same day, she would include Olive and me. Tita R, who treats each of her chemo session as if she were going on a picnic, and there I was, trying to think of a way to worm my way out of mine. Shame on me! Because of her, I would set aside my excuses and have my chemo dutifully. Tita R taught me to see the positive side of things, to look into the positivity of the future and not dwell on the present negativity.

"Live each day as if it were your last." This is what Tita V always tell us whenever we see each other. "Life is too short, enjoy it to the fullest." Tita V was one woman who really lived her life to the fullest; she always insisted on quality, not quantity. Even on the last days of her life, she still did what she preached. She would still try to dance with her husband while they shared an embrace; she would doll up for him; and she always, always had a ready smile - a smile that is genuine, free of pain, and a smile that lights up not only her face and her eyes, but her whole being.

These are two women who are selfless, who loved unconditionally, who always put others before themselves, who never had a harsh word for anybody, and who had touched countless of lives just by being in the same room.

I hope that someday I might be as selfless as they were; that I might learn to curb my temper and not speak ill of anyone; that I will learn to live each day as if it were my last; that I will be able to live my life to the fullest.

I will sorely miss these two women.

Celebrating Life and Death

2006-04-10T13:10:00.000+08:00

I "celebrated" my birthday yesterday quitely, just the way I liked. No parties, no fuss, just another ordinary day. Of course, my cell phone's been beeping and ringing constantly, with family members and friends greeting me. I am still even receiving some greetings today.

Late in the afternoon, while having coffee with Olive in one of the numerous coffee shops along Tomas Morato, I received a message informing me that someone passed away. I felt immense sadness but I did not cry. I felt sad that I would not be seeing my friend again, but in a way, thankful that she is not in pain anymore. She has given a good fight, and it is time for her to rest and be at peace.

I realized that we all indeed have much to celebrate, not just special days but everyday is a cause for celebration. Let's celebrate friendship. Let's celebrate birthdays. Let's celebrate weddings. Let's celebrate the births of babies and baptismals.

Let's even celebrate the life of those who have passed on. Let us celebrate the life they have lived and the lives they have touched, the memories that they have left for us. We are all transients in this world, let us live it to the fullest. Let's celebrate life!

Next Step

2006-04-10T11:53:00.000+08:00

Having moved, next step would be unpacking and fixing up the place.

Still needing to go to work, I can only unpack after office. A few days of the past week has been devoted to unpacking, other days were spent attending parties. We have not yet even unpacked and we are already partying! No wonder I feel tired most of the time! I would find myself nodding off in front of the computer at the office, prompting me to believe that I get my rest more in the office than at home! Hehehe.

It is much more tiring for Olive, for she's on night shift last week. She would come home in the morning, sleep for a few hours, then call the appropraite people for the installation of some appliances. I made it up be TRYING to unpack as much as possible during the evenings. Oh, well, at least we could now see big parts of the floor, plus there are no more boxes piled on top of other boxes. Everything is just on the floor, one layer only. Hooray!

By Thursday, we had set up almost everything. I was able to do our laundry by Friday night. As I explored the neighborhood one night, I saw a promo offer of the laundromat downstairs, offering to wash for free 3 kilos worth of laundry on your birthday! Hmmm, tempting! Then I thought of the possible consequences of having our laundry done outside (I am allergic to a lot of detergent, so I would not want to take my chances), I opted to do it myself. The freebies would not be worth the allergies!

By the end of this week, the place would look like home.

All Moved

2006-04-10T10:34:00.000+08:00

We were supposed to move to the condo on April 1st. Late afternoon of March 31, I received a call from the friend who is going to lend us a truck to move our stuff. I was told that the truck's in the shop and that it would be better for us to move on the 2nd. After talking to the building administration (to stay an extra night for free), we agreed to move on the 2nd.

We were supposed to be packing like crazy that night, but when we found out that it was delayed, we decided to take it easy for the night, as we were all tired with all the flurry of activities for the past month.

Sunday morning, the movers arrived an hour earlier than expected, Olive and I were still packing the last of our stuff (will the packing never end???). Somehow, we managed to load ALL the stuff in 3 hours (that long, huh? must be tons of stuff!). We all decided to break for lunch and then meet up at the condo.

Olive and I went to the condo to wait for the movers, grabbing lunch along the way. The movers arrived around 1 pm and immediately proceeded to unload our stuff. It took an hour and 45 minutes. Wow.

After we got all the stuff unloaded and into the unit, Olive and I took a 15 minute breather and then rushed off to attend a children's party (baptismal of a cousin's daughter, and I'm one of the godmothers) in Pasay. Talk about stressing one's self out! *LOL*

Well, we managed to move, attend a party, and tire ourselves out; BUT we're all moved. =)

Twice Blessed

2006-03-29T17:39:00.000+08:00

Maxine just turned three last February. She is our favorite niece until last Sunday March 26, when her little sister made an early entry to the family. Now, we have TWO favorite nieces! Alexia was born in the wee hours of the morning of Sunday, and now Max can't help but adore Xiaxia, wanting to take care of her little helpless sister, and loving every minute of it!

School's Out! - NOT!

2006-03-28T11:17:00.000+08:00

Last night, we were required to report back to school for our supposed "graduation." The school even fed us dinner.

After dinner, the morning class was separated from the evening class and our respective teachers met with us. It was bad news for ALL of us. Imagine, none of the eight students passed the course! Passing grade is 80%. I got 79.06%. Almost, but not quite.

No one to blame but ourselves. The final exams pulled my grade down. I was ill prepared for it. So, here we all are, facing another two weeks of extension classes (make-up class? removal class?), after which we will have another exam, and then our final grade. I'm fine with the extension, for it will prepare us for the (final) finals. I will just have to work harder. I will just have to manage my time better.

April 10th, the moment of truth for all of us. Good luck to us all!

Wonder Women

2006-03-27T15:34:00.000+08:00

Olive and I started the day at 1030 yesterday. It was originally planned that we leave the apartment for Divisoria at 10. However, I was too lazy to move and was also finishing a book. So, I ended waking Olive up at 945. As it was a Sunday, we were very sluggish in our movements, plus the summer heat didn't help.

We decided to take the car and parked it in Chinatown. From Chinatown, we first had brunch, then off we went to Divisoria, walking along the back streets to get to Divisoria Mall. We got a bunch of cleaning stuff (mops, sponges, dish cleanser, etc.) for under PhP500.00! Things that, if bought in the department store will cost around three times as much.

It was speed shopping, for we were pressed for time. Olive and I would get distracted from time to time looking at stuff that we do not need, but nevertheless facinates us (like the bamboo decorative umbrella that sells for PhP75.00). We would prod and remind each other to just buy the "essentials."

By two o'clock in the afternoon, we had returned to the apartment and loaded a few boxes in the car and was headed for the condo. Summer heat is BAAAADDD! Plus, the car aircon is busted. I felt like the melting woman while driving the car. Upon reaching the condo, we quickly unloaded our stuff and took a 15-minute breather. After which, we were on our way to Makati, to get the appliances we need.

On our way to Makati, we realized that we were hungry. All the food in the billboards look delicious! Upon reaching Makati, we first had some food and then we joined the buying frenzy in Glorietta activity area. After purchasing the appliances, we headed towards the home section of SM, getting things that we didn't see in Divisoria (plus a couple of other stuff that we forgot). We finished around 830, ten hours on the go! Whew!

We planned to sort out and packed some more of our stuff when we got home. Well, that was it, just a plan. We were both too tired to move when we got home. By 11pm, I was already asleep.

First Check Up of 2006

2006-03-24T16:55:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, I went to see my oncologist for my quarterly checkup. All went well except for my liver function tests (LFTs), which were a bit elevated. I lost a couple of pounds, which made everybody (my onco and me, that is) happy.

Due to the elevated LFTs, my oncologist wanted me to do an MRI of my liver. I made a bargain, and we agreed to see the results of my next check up in June, if the values are still elevated, then I will have that MRI. In the meantime, I will be fixing my diet (yet again???), cut the sugar and the fats, try to lose more weight, take more supplements, and then pray that everything will work out for my fatty liver (as if me being fat is not enough, my liver has to join the bandwagon!)

After my checkup, I went to visit a "classmate" of mine (in chemotherapy). Leaving her room afterwards, I felt quite sad. She was in pain yesterday, I do not think that she even knew that I was there. I was reminded of my grandmother when she was hospitalized for liver cirrhosis.

With a lot of friends (who had cancer) having recurrences, I can't help but think that I should be extra vigilant about monitoring my health. It is scary, to think that I could be next, but what can I do? I refuse to live in the shadow of fear and paranoia, so I will just try to live my life to the fullest, and I will do it everyday.

Health Issues

2006-03-23T09:43:00.000+08:00

Trying to keep healthy is always a struggle. It is so easy to just let go and let be, then you do not have to be concious of the food you take, the exercises you must do, lots of do's and don't's. It can be quite tiring trying to keep up everyday, so, some days, we just do nothing at all. Then I got an email that made my day and keeping healthy is just a snap. Let me share with you the contents of the email.

HEALTH QUESTIONS & ANSWERS

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A : Are you crazy? HELLO . Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! "Round" is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember: Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming: "Whoo! What a ride!".

Precious, isn't it?

Almost There

2006-03-22T10:05:00.000+08:00

We finally signed on the dotted line last Friday. We are officially the tenants of the condo unit we have fallen in love with at first sight. After the contract signing, we visited the unit again, this time to appreciate it as it is since when we looked at it the first time, it was in the process of being repainted.

Standing there in the condo, I can't help but notice how small it is. I have always lived in big spaces all my life. This is the first time that I will be living in a place where it is all there in a 64 sq. ft. area. I will just have to adapt to it, and fast.

Last Sunday, we went to Glorietta to check out the BPI Appliance Madness to see what good deals we can have for the new stuff that we need to buy. It turns out to be a very good call. We have earmarked what we will be availing from there, and the rest, we will just get probably from the department stores and other shops. After about an hour of going around checking the appliances, we headed for the department store to check out other stuff that we might need. We were there around 4 pm and finally decided to call it quits around 6:30, after which we did some grocery shopping. We managed to get home around 9pm.

Only a few hours on my feet, going window shopping, and I was conked out. Monday still saw me tired and listless. I feel like I was going to come down with the flu, and I was dreaming about joining the Amazing Race??? Bah, humbug!

I felt better yesterday. I tried to assess how much packing we (actually, Olive did most of the work) have already done, I think we're around 30% packed and already there is barely room to stack more boxes. We will be moving these as soon as we get the key to the apartment, maybe then we will be able to pack more faster.

9 more days to the new address! Yay!

Minus Pretty Points

2006-03-15T11:24:00.000+08:00

Being on leave yesterday, I decided to walk to school instead of bringing a car, thinking that a little extra activity might do me a wee bit good, but then again, the pollution might just negate that. Anyway, I did walk to school. After classes, I was so excited since it was officially the last day of school, I hurried home, thinking that I can start the sorting of our stuff already, or perhaps catch something on TV, or maybe catch the last full show since I was so pumped up with energy.

I ended up not doing any of those things. Instead, I now sport a luscious lower lip (it looks like it's injected with collagen), a scraped chin, scrapes on my hands, scrapes on my knees, a VERY bruised ego, and a minus of around 500 pretty points.

A block away from the apartment, I was hurrying along the sidewalk, weaving my way around people who are waiting to catch a ride. I was hurrying, ticking off things on my mental list, and the next thing I knew, I was diving and skidding across the sidewalk into the road. I don't know how I looked sprawled there on the street, but I guess it was not a pretty sight. I just know that I felt my face go bump-bump, and felt my lips connect with my teeth. I stood up, and a guard from a nearby establishment rushed to help me up, at the same time asking: "Ma'am, okay lang po kayo? Anong nangyari?" (Ma'am? Are you okay? What happened?) I can't answer the guard since I was trying to keep the blood in the mouth from pouring out. I had split my lip. I have to spit out the blood before I can answer.

Upon unable to get an answer from me right away, the guard switched to English, asking me if I'm all right. I almost burst out laughing. There I was, standing on the sidewalk, sporting a split lip, and trying to assess any other damages, and I was being mistaken for a foreigner! I finally managed to answer the guard and assured him I am all right. I thanked him and then I hurried home to clean up the wounds and put ice on my lips, which have swollen to twice its size by then. Dinner was forgotten (I realized that this morning when I woke up hungry.) as I tried to hold in my laughter and ice my lips. How clumsy and stupid of me!

Right now, a couple of teeth hurts as well. I realized that I am lucky that I did not break any teeth; and I woke up with only a fat lip. Oh yeah, the scrapes on the chin, hands, and knees still sting from time to time. Good thing school's over, I won't be walking down that stretch of street again. On our "graduation" day on the 27th, I will definitely be bringing the car!

Stressed

2006-03-14T16:38:00.000+08:00

Stressed! That is what I am.

For the past three weeks, life is a blur. It is only today that I am able to breathe a little, and then I think all will pick up again tomorrow and carry on until the end of the month.

Things have been crazy. We did house-hunting in a week (or less?). Then, I have to talk to the dormers (to see who will be staying behind and endorse them to the management). Added to that, we are having our final exams at school. Then, there is the packing and sorting waiting to be done. Of course, I will also have my checkups this week, might as well max it out!

There are times that I feel so tired that I just want to lie down and sleep and sleep and sleep and sleep some more, but of course, that is just a dream. In reality, Olive and I will be signing on the dotted line this week (hopefully, by Thursday or Friday). I have talked to the management about the dormers (things are almost okay on this issue). Yesterday, we had our written exams, hopefully, after today's practical exam, I will be cleared of school obligations. The packing and sorting, I will start on them next week. Oh yeah, I still have to call the utility companies!

Another source of stress, perhaps, is the news of recurrences among the members of my support group. This year alone, there are at least four of those beautiful women who have recurrences. Sometimes, I would find myself teary-eyed just reading the emails from them, but it is from these people that I draw my strength from these days. Funny, isn't it?

I am so looking forward to April. By then, all these stress I am having right now will be over. We will be staying in a new place. I will not have to deal with the dormers anymore. I will start to see the fruit of my labors for the past six months (school). Best of all, I look forward to sleeping at night without all the construction lights and sounds seeping into our room and into my dreams! Life is sweet, indeed!

The Week That Was 2

2006-03-05T08:27:00.000+08:00

What? It's Sunday again?

I cannot believe how time flies! Everything was a blur. For the life of me, I cannot even remember what happened to me the early part of the week!

I thought house-hunting would be fun, it turned out to be a very tiring and stressful thing! We have to check if the neighborhood is okay, we have to check the security of the place, we have to make sure that we will be moving into some place that is accessible for both of us without having to incur ridiculous transport bills, and of course, we have to make sure that we can afford it. Nothing much, really!

First, we went around the New Manila area, faithfully going through each of the numbered streets end to end. We saw saw and fell in love with one townhouse that was just perfect! - but not for us. It is in a small compound, where there are only four units of the same. It has five bedrooms with a toilet and bath in each bedroom. It was well designed and soundly built, but just too much room for Olive and me. What would we do with a five-bedroom townhouse??? By the way, it has a pretty price tag too! Just PhP 22,000,000.00.

Then, we checked out a place near St. Luke's hospital that we saw being advertised on the net. As we drove into the sudivision, I laughed, for the place have a "Stepford" stamped on it, sans the trees. Nevertheless, we went to the office of the property developer and checked out their prices. Uhm, nice.

Next, we saw an apartment that was within our budget. Well, this is definitely more affordable than the last one. Security is good, place is big, two bedrooms, two toilet and baths, laundry area, etc. Our only reservation is that the place is kinda a bit run down to command such a price.

Before going on to the next, we decided to have a coffee break first in one of the coffee shops in the area. As we were sitting our coffee, Olive told me that there is this building that she likes and that it is just a block away from her workplace. I said: Why not? Let's ask the guards if they would know of any units for lease or sale. As it turns out, there were indeed units for lease or sale! But since it is a Sunday, no one is around. The guards were kind enough to give us some numbers/persons to call.

Then we saw another apartment. Three bedrooms, quite neighborhood, good security. It was not only too expensive, but it was also too far. However we ended up in that neighborhood, I honestly can't remember. After that, we decided to call it a day and went home.

Olive went to work - she checked the ads and called the numbers listed, she made appointments for us to check out the potential places. She talked to owners and to agents. Funny enough, six out of the eight people she talked to all recommended one same place, which turned out to be the building she was telling me about! Is this a sign???

We checked out four units from that place, plus four more in other areas. We liked a couple of properties. We did a lot of number crunching and then some; trying to figure out things.

I wanted us to be able to find a place by mid March, since I still have a lot of things to do with the current apartment. I still have to finalize things with the management, try to sell some stuff that we will not be needing anymore, make sure that the residents who opted to stay will be properly endorsed to the next management, throw out things (LOTS of it!), and of course pack and move. Just the thought of these would literally paralyze me or leave me so tired that I would just want to go to sleep. I never liked moving.

I know that Olive's heart is set on one unit in the building she likes (I liked that place, too, I even dreamed about it), but the practical side of me still made her make other appointments so that we can explore all options that are available, then take the best deal.

After another day of driving around and looking at properties, after a lot more mumber crunching, we decided that we already have the best deal on our table. So we called the owner and asked her to draw up a contract. We have found our new "home." It is the one Olive (okay, okay- and I) wanted.

The Week That Was

2006-02-26T10:05:00.000+08:00

It was a pretty rough week for me.

Monday: All started out well. It was pretty uneventful.

Tuesday: An email from one of my "sisters" at I Can Serve told us that they found some metastases in her bone scan.

Wednesday: The office nearly got burned down. The electrical post outside the main gate of the office was on fire, popping once in a while. We had to shut down the electricity until the electric company came to fix the problem.

Thursday: (1) I got a text from a friend telling me that she dreamt about me. (2) The road beside the construction in front of where we lived collapsed, causing the engineers to evacuate people in the building.

Friday: (1) I finally got to talk to the friend who sent me the SMS; she told me that she can't remember what her dream was about but she was crying when she woke up. (2) Another "sister" also had a recurrence, and this time around, it is already Stage III. (3) There was anarchy in the streets for a few hours; sending the Malacañang Palace to declare a "state of emergency." A lot of people believe that this is just another name for martial law. (4) One of the dormers came to me and told me that her parents wants her to move to another dorm; one where they do not have to worry about her safety.

Saturday: (1) It was blessedly a "peaceful" day. I got to play badminton with my friends without having to hurry off to work. (2) Two more dormers talked to me about moving out. (3) I talked to the building manager about moving out.

Sunday: (1) I found out that Sheryl Crow underwent surgery for breast cancer and will be having treatments. (2) I'm still enjoying the relative peace and quiet of the first half of the day. Perhaps we'll go house-hunting later.

Next week should be a breeze!

Adrenalin Pumper

2006-02-24T13:15:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, as I was getting ready to head for the school, I received a text message from one of the boarders at home. It read: "Ate Vangie, is it true that the apartment is being evacuated?" Huh? I do not know anything about any evacuation! I wondered why Olive hasn't called or texted me about it, then I realized that she's not home.

I called the apartment and got no answer. Hmmm, it must be true. So, I called up the guard downstairs to verify the news and know what's going on.

Indeed, the whole building is being evacuated! As a safety precaution, they say.

I have written here before that there is a huge construction going on along Adriatico Street (where our room faces). I have complained about the dust during the demolition, and now the incessant noise 24/7. Robinson's Land is building three condominiums simultaneously. One is already around 6 or 8 stories high. The 2nd building's foundation has been laid and they're digging for the foundation of the 3rd one.

Olive and I have gotten used to sleeping with the construction lights (and noise!) seeping into our room. Even with all the lights out, our room's still pretty bright.

Yesterday afternoon, around 3 perhaps, a portion of the Adriatico Street gave way and 4 cars fell into the gaping hole, near the foundation of the 2nd building. They were able to pull 2 cars out but the remaining two were too far gone to pull out. With the collapse of the street, a construction crane about 100 or so feet away tilted dangerously, thus the evacuation.

The contractors don't have a choice but to pull down the crane. So, they proceeded to close Adriatico Street, as well as the nearby one, creating a monstrous traffic jam in the area.

As I did not bring my car, I took a cab home. The driver was blessedly ignorant of this particular piece of news, otherwise, I would have a hard time getting home. I got as far as Taft Avenue, then I walked the rest of the way. When I got to the building, I accounted for my boarders and helps; upon making sure that they are all right, I went into the building to get our important stuff.

I put everything in a bag, and then prepared to leave the apartment. In the stairwell, shouts were suddenly heard. I realized that the crane is on its way down. Being where I was, I just held on to the handrail and braced myself for whatever is going to happen next. There was a crash, a massive sound of steel against steel - but no tremor! I rushed down the next flight of stairs to look out the window to see what is going on. True enough, the crane now lies on its side, clouds of dust rising from the impact, and what's left of a car (crushed like a tin can). As I proceeded to go down, I met other residents going up the stairs. Apparently, the show's over. Next question is: Is the building safe enough?

Just as I completed this thought, the guard came rushing up the stairs, telling us to go down again as it is still not declared safe yet. So, I gathered our stuff again and prepared to go down. I got as far as the main door, then the guard was there again, saying it is okay for us to stay in the apartment already, and that the construction engineers have declared the building safe. Oh, geez!

The short drama left us weak-kneed after, with our adrenalins pumping. Of course, swapping of stories came next, then picture taking (of the crash site) from the roof. I asked everyone to call their parents and to report that they are safe.

The contractors are now working double time to fix the road so that it can be opened to traffic once again. The city mayor gave them 72 hours to accomplish this.

And that was our adventure yesterday.

EDSA I - 20 Years Hence

2006-02-24T12:54:00.000+08:00

Twenty years ago saw the Filipinos coming together to boot out the seated president.

Five years ago, the people came together once again to boot out another president, and seated the incumbent one.

Today, people came together to "commemorate" the 20 years of "People Power."

Less than an hour ago (around noon), the Malacañang palace declared a "state of emergency." Rallies are being held simultaneously in the different parts of Metro Manila. Rumors of a coup de etat keeps going around, forcing the military into code red. Officers were required to report to their superiors to be accounted for.

After the two EDSA People Power Revolutions, one would think that the Filipinos would have learned their lessons by now. Sadly, this is not the case. The people keep booting out undesirable presidents but refuse to learn the lesson that comes with each experience and keep putting the wrong person in place. Instead of a long-term solution, the country often opt for a stop-gap.

I have never been really interested in politics. I hate all the maneuverings and the manipulations behind every move of the politicians - all who keeps on professing that what they are doing is for the "good" of the country, but in reality, they are only out for their own interest.

Filipinos are quick to forgive and have short-term memories, perhaps there lies the biggest flaw. If all of the Filipinos can only remember the going-ons during the term of these presidents, perhaps the Philippines would not be in this fix right now.

Touching Base

2006-02-22T20:28:00.000+08:00

In the past 3 months, friends, acquaintances, and high school classmates have been popping out of the woodworks trying to touch base with me. It kinda makes me wonder if I am to pass into another realm or into oblivion soon.

I can't but help think this, especially when the fellow survivors I know are having recurrences. Some have frights, but were eventually declared to be still in remission, others do find metastases. I feel sad and apprehensive. Sad for those who have recurrence after less than 2 years from their last treatment, and apprenhensive for myself. The thought kept popping up: What if I'm next? Can I be as brave as these people?

I would like to believe that I will be in remission for the rest of my life, and until the 5-year mark has passed, I will still have to live in constant apprehension. However, I would just like to have faith and believe that I am healed - for life, for I refuse to live in the shadow of constant fear.

Amazing Race Asia Edition

2006-02-15T21:40:00.000+08:00

As I was searching for the date of the pilot episode for the next season of Amazing Race, I came across an ad for Amazing Race Asia Edition.

I blinked, and blinked, and blinked again to make sure I saw it right. Yep, the producers of Amazing Race are producing an Asian edition. All Asian countries with the exception of Australia, New Zealand, Japan and those in the Middle East are included in the race. All you have to do is send in your application forms with a 3-minute video to convince the producers to pick you for the final 11 teams.

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

My heart went a lub-a-dub for a few minutes. I was so excited! I wanna join! I checked out the rest of the qualifying details (requirements, etc.) Go! Go! Go!

The producers stipulates that all participants must be:
1. willing to travel (of course)
2. meet and interact with other cultures (why not?)
3. have a taste for adventure (who doesn't?)
4. willing to give up their privacy (I can live with that)
5. of sound mind and body (never mind the mind! teehee)
6. willing to travel by mid year of 2006 for 30 to 40 days (yes!)
7. have a valid passport (until December 2006 at the least)
8. at least 21 years of age (well, i'll be legible by mid 2006! mwahahahaha)

Hhmmmm....tempting! My only reservation is if I can cope with the fatigue that is sure to accompany the demands of the race. I am not what I used to be. It will only be a drag if we (my teammate and I) are at the final legs of the race and I find that I can not go on due to my health! Oh, drats! Maybe next year, when I have built up my stamina. I'm sure my doctor/s will not allow me to go on such a taxing task just yet.

I envy those who will make it to the Asian edition of the Amazing Race. *Sigh*

Treatment Options

2006-02-12T11:57:00.000+08:00

Last week, I received an email from a friend asking me to help encourage cancer patients to seek the right treatment, that is, the "traditional" way with chemotherapy, radiation therapy, surgery, etc. as versus to "alternative" treatment which mainly consist of herbal supplements and other non-traditional approaches.

Up until now, I still have not done anything about this. Why? I believe that each patient have the right and the final say as to what kind of treatment he/she wants, be it scientific or alternative. I believe in this although many people may not find the logic behind the choice/s people make.

I used to believe that it all boils down to economics. When the cash flow is getting low, people tend to turn to "cheaper" (often desperate and worse) options. Then a friend told me about the story of a cancer patient who opted for alternative medicine.

The patient was diagnosed with breast cancer although they could not find any lumps on her breasts. None appeared on the mammogram nor on the ultrasound. During surgery, it was found that 98% of the axillary lymph nodes that was taken from her were positive for tumors. This is not good, so it was decided that she get a mastectomy. The lab results came back and it was diagnosed as Stage IV breast cancer. I don't know what other treatment she had after that, but now, 3 or 4 months after the surgery, she went to see another doctor for follow-up as her doctor was out of the country at the time. Imagine the shock she got when the new doctor told her that she never had breast cancer, and that it had been lung cancer all along! Now, that person have to cope with a needless mastectomy on top of the cancer that is ravaging her body. She now opts for alternative medicine as her mode of treatment.

Then there are patients that would prefer the alternative treatment when they were told that they have a recurrence. After going through chemotherapy myself, having known the punishment such treatment gives to one's body, I can understand if they choose the alternative approach the second time around. To them, choosing that mode of treatment plus their faithin the Higher Being, is enough for them. They want a "better quality of life" where they will not have to live out their last days feeling the side effects of the drugs and treatments; where they know that although their life is being cut short, they can still embrace it and choose to live it to the fullest they know how.

So, traditional or alternative? I know what I will choose, and I might try to persuade someone to my way of thinking, but we also have to consider the circumstances surrounding the patient and just respect their choices even if we felt that it is wrong. When faced with death, people tend to grasp at anything to avoid it, they will believe anything they hear, and there will always be some scoundrel lurking around to take advantage of this, these are the people we have to watch out for, and they work on both sides of the treatment options, traditional and alternative.

Schooling

2006-02-12T11:23:00.000+08:00

I have enrolled in a short course last October, studying to be a Medical Transcriptionist (MT). It has occupied my weeknights since then as my classes are from Mondays to Fridays, 6 to 10 p.m.

Badminton games, tv series, movies, and even an occasional dinner or meeting with friend/s had to take a back seat and became a non-option during weekdays. Whatever life I have outside school and work is crammed on Sundays as I still have to work Daturdays.

So it came to pass that my days (since October) would start at 9 a.m. (with work) and ends at 10 p.m. The first two weeks saw me with dark circles under my eyes right away, still trying to adjust to a gruelling routine. I would have days when I would feel so tired that I would nod off on my desk (both in the office and in school) for a few minutes - sometimes right after a cup of coffee at that!

We are already more than half-way through. On Monday, we will be "attending" our classes from home. Assignments will be relayed electronically. This is to see how we will be if we work from home. I think this is yet the biggest challenge of this course; as being home, all the temptations: TV, people to chat with, a ready bed when you're feeling sleepy, etc. are readily available.

I will graduate in 5 to 6 weeks' time and I'm quite excited about it. Yes, it is all worth the long hours.

Alda's

2006-02-04T20:19:00.000+08:00

When I moved in to Elena Apartments almost 2 decades ago, Alda's is one of the more popular and affordable restaurant in the neighborhood. I love their chicken croquettas; the pasta dishes are nice; the pizzas good; and of course, a visit to Alda's would not be complete without the Chocolate Cream Pie!

Last night, as I was walking home from school, I decided to take another route than the usual. I passed by Alda's and I was thinking that it has been a while since I last ate there - must go there one of these days. To my dismay, I saw that the restaurant was closed! Closed? Why? I backtracked and read the sign at the door, it read: "Kitchen equipment for sale. Tables and chairs, too."

Oh, no! They have closed shop! No more chicken croquettas!

The restaurant is closed and all I can think of is their food! What's the matter with me???

I guess I am just a foodie.

I'm Baaaack!

2006-02-04T20:04:00.000+08:00

Before I got sick, I used to play badminton twice or three times a week, sometimes even more. I would be at the courts from 6 to 11 or 12, sometimes this is in the morning, and sometimes, in the evening, depending on the day of the week. That is 5 or 6 hours of playtime. Of course I am not playing ALL of the 5 or 6 hours, but I can play 2 hours straight and still feel okay.

Last Saturday morning, I went to a badminton court to try to play again, this after 5 months off the courts! I was there at 8 am but have to leave around 10 for I still have to go to work (us slaves have to work the whole day Saturday).

I had one good game (2 sets - or is it the other way around? 1 set, 2 games?) and then I have to call it a day. Towards the end of the 2nd set/game, I could already barely lift my hand to hit the shuttlecock, much less run after it. My, oh, my. I have to build that stamina once again!

This morning, I went to play again; as it was last week, I got to play only one game. One game, and I was tired! To think that last week's game is much "harder" than today's! But then again, I feel good. It's nice to play again.

I'm baaaack!!!!! Well, sort of... =)

Kung Hei Fat Choi

2006-01-29T09:44:00.000+08:00

Kung Hei Fat Choy! That's how they spell it here. Some spell it Gong Xi Fa Chai (this is how they spell it in China using Pinyin). It is the greeting you often hear from people wishing one another well during the celebration of the Chinese New Year. In China and other predominantly Chinese countries like Singapore, Chinese New Year is celebrated for a week. It is a full week's holiday and all sorts of celebrations are on. For some, it is the time to travel back home to be with one's family (much like the celebration of the Christmas season here in the Philippines).

For good luck, there are all kinds of customs and traditions. There is the wearing of the color red. There is the giving of the Tikoy. There is the careful menu planning (there are actually some foods that are supposed to be served at this time for good luck). Plus a whole lot more.

Well, just wishing everyone Gong Xi Fa Chai! or Kung Hei Fat Choy!

Boyd

2006-01-29T09:29:00.000+08:00

That's the name I gave to my car.

I acquired Boyd back in 1998. Boyd is a 2-door Honda Civic hatchback, '92 model (limited edition), bought by the first owner in 1993. Today, I still drive Boyd. It is still the handsome car that I bought almost 8 years ago. Gosh, has it been that long?

When the movie The Fast and The Furious came out some years back, friends, acquaintaces, and even strangers would ask me if I'm selling Boyd. Sell Boyd? Nah. It still serves me well, and I still love driving it.

These days, I still get asked once every so often if I'm going to sell Boyd. My standard answer these days is: No, I'm not selling. I'm up for a trade though. Boyd for a Honda Jazz. =) That usually ends the conversation.

My dear Boyd, almost 13 years old and still turning heads.

Mammogram

2006-01-29T08:47:00.000+08:00

Last December, when I went to see my surgeon, he was quite pleased with my CT scan and breast ultrasound results, and then he looked for my mammogram results.

Mammogram? I did not have any mammogram, for my radiotherapy doctor told me to hold off any mammogram for a few months as my treated side would be quite painful if the procedure is done right away. This is because of the scar tissues/fibrosis turning rock hard after being zapped by radiation therapy for 33 days.

I thought I got out of that one. Nope. My surgeon wanted me to have a mammogram, since it is quite important, especially a year after my surgery.

Okay, okay. Much as I dreaded having to squash my twins again, I went in for mamogram last January 19th. I went back to Manila Doctors Hospital (where I had my first mamogram) since St. Luke's would (1.) cost 50% more, and (2.) make me get an appointment which will be a week later. Whereas in MDH, it's on a first come, first served basis.

I met Queenie (the technician who refused to do my mammogram the first time around since I do not fit the profile but eventually did it) again and she did my mammogram again. As with the first time, she did a superb job, the squashing process was not so painful. I thanked her and I was told to go back for the results on the 23rd.

I finally went back for my results on the 24th, being a bit busy on the 23rd. Just before I was able to physically hold my mammogram results, my heart was beating like mad - I thought I might have a heart attack or that my heart would pop out of me.

When I got hold of my results, I went back to my car first before reading it. My heart skipped a few beats when I saw the word "calcifications" leapt out at me. Oh no! Then I saw the word "benign" before it. "Benign calcifications?" Really? Is there such a thing?

The next thing (ok, after driving myself to the office) I did is to fax my mammogram results to my brother in Cagayan de Oro so that he could give it to my surgeon. After doing that, I made it a point not to dwell on the results anymore.

Around 6pm that day, I got an SMS from my brother telling me that my surgeon was quite happy with my mammogram results. Whew! Oh, yeah - hurray! =)

Before and After

2006-01-26T14:31:00.000+08:00

Before

After

Here are my before and after (haircut) pictures.

6 weeks after my first cut, my hair morphed into something like that of Eddie Gil's (again). It's good that only my hair changes into the look-alike and my face remains the same. But when my hair gets "big", I sometimes feel I am Mr. Gil's twin. So off I went to see my good friend Ipe (again), and let him do his magic. Ipe is hoping that we could stretch it to 8 weeks this time before I go back.

The picture taken above is just a week after my last haircut, but now, a mere 10 days after the picture above, my bangs are already almost touching my brows. It seemed like my hair just decided to grow long extra quick this time. There must something in me that makes my hair grow quickly. Or maybe my hair is just trying to make up for the lost time (in growing last year)?

Sunday Lunch

2006-01-18T16:55:00.000+08:00

As planned, I went to Cavite last Sunday, arriving there just a little bit before lunch time. It was an easy Sunday morning drive. I was lucky to have just missed one of the numerous Sto. Niño procession/s and parade around the city.

Lunch a major production number. There was kare-kare with bagoong (I only eat this dish if Mama cooked it, otherwise, I do not eat kare-kare) , adobo, and sugpo. It amazes me that Mama would know what my favorites are, just like she knew what Leila's favorites are. We must have gone to Cavite a lot in our college days and almost munch the Auditors out of their home. Well, at the very least, we went there more than enough times that Mama's able to remember our favorites!

Gigi rang just before we were about to sit down for lunch. All of us took turns in making her go green with envy at the food spread out in front of us. She tried to get us back by insisting on talking to everyone one by one, interrupting our lunch. No one minded though, we just kept on eating before and after our turn at the phone.

After the sumptous lunch, Mavic and I settled down in the sala again to continue our conversation. Five o'clock came soon enough and it was time for me to head back to Manila, not wanting to drive on unfamiliar streets after dark. It was a good day.

Split Second of Fame

2006-01-14T11:23:00.000+08:00

What is the correct number? 10 or 15 seconds of fame? Whatever it is, I got a "taste" of that last December 31. However, I think it was just a split second for me.

We (Papa, Mama, Olive, and I) were sitting around the living room just talking after dinner on the 31st. My parents usually go to bed early, even during christmas' and new year's eve, so it was a rare treat for all of us to be together in the living room still talking at 11:00 in the evening.

Around that time, I got a text message from a friend first greeting me a happy new year and then he said that he saw me on TV just then. I answered, saying happy new year too and that he might just have been mistaken. I mean, why would I be on TV? On new year's eve to boot! I'm not out partying on the streets, much less attending any high profile party, so what is my face doing on TV? And I'm pretty sure that our conversation at that time is not being covered by any TV station.

Then, another text message came in, from another friend, telling me that I was on TV and that he's so proud of me. Duh? What's going on here? So, I switched on the TV and managed to catch the tail end of that particular segment. Then, I understood. It was a file footage of the interview of one of my sisters at I Can Serve. Somehow, my face must have been included in it.

When I got back to work, my colleagues were telling me that they saw me on TV. They were so excited that you might think that they are working with a celebrity! I laughed and asked how did I look? Did I have hair or not? It was then that I found out that the footage shown was part of the video made by I Can Serve for its breast cancer awareness campaign.

That was my split second of fame.

Excitement

2006-01-13T10:40:00.000+08:00

I was pretty much buried under mountains of work when I got back. This will go on until around mid-February. Since I got back from the christmas vacation, life is pretty much routine. Work-school-home. I would get home so pooped out that sometimes I have to take a nap first before getting ready for bed. Weird, no?

Last Sunday, I bumped into Francis (Gigi's cousin) at Glorietta and he informed that Mavic (Gigi's sister) is still here. So, I finally got around to calling Cavite yesterday and made arrangements to visit on Sunday. Lunch at Cavite! What joy! Yummy! At least this will inject some excitement into my otherwise routinary life this year.

I can hardly wait for Sunday to come around - I'm going to see my "big sister" again, and also my (unofficially) adoptive family!