Lab Tests

I had some blood extracted last Monday to have my liver function test done. I think this is one of the tests that goes with the regular check-ups. At the last minute, I decided to have my cholesterol and sugar tested as well. The last time I had these (cholesterol and sugar) checked was before my chemotherapy, which means early, early February. Then, my cholesterol and sugar was borderline normal, at the high end. *These were over the normal limit after my operation*

Since then, following my doctor's advise not to diet while undergoing treatment, I pretty much eat as I please. Finally, the moment of truth...

Surprise! Surprise! Both my cholesterol and sugar count went down! Whew! (Hmmm...could it be because of the chemo cocktail???) Even my doctor's pleased with my lab results. I'll be seeing my doctor again in two months' time. Hopefully, by then, my lab results would be just as great! ;-)

Beautiful Women

Last Sunday, I woke up early so that I can be at Edsa Shangri-la Hotel by 7AM for Silver Linings. I volunteered to help out with the registration. I got to the hotel at exactly 7AM. By then, there were around 50 to 60 people milling around the event area. Wow! This early?

The whole day event was a success, we had more or less 400 to 500 people who attended. It was a full day. We laughed, we cried, we hugged and held each other's hand - survivors and non cancer patients alike (I decided against using the term non survivor here - people might misinterpret it as dead people, heehee).

A friend of mine dropped by around lunch time to visit the event. She was so impressed with the ongoing fora and attendance. She kept telling me how beautiful we (the survivors) are! After she left, I looked around and I have to agree with her - these are some of the most beautiful women I see and know. The beauty of these women come from within. There is a special glow. I don't know where it came from - maybe from the peace that they've found within themselves; maybe from the acceptance of their conditions; maybe from the determination to live life to the fullest; maybe from their tenacity that they will beat breast cancer; or maybe all of the above.

At the end of the day, seeing all those tired and happy faces was very much worth it. I feel so blessed to have known these beautiful one-breasted (no breasts or a little more than one-breasted) women.

Fund Raiser

With the help of my friend Nelson Agustin and his husband, Norman Gludovatz, we were able to put together a black and white calendar for year 2006 (actually, Nelson put it together and I contacted my printer, hehehe). We called it the I Can Serve calendar.

I had a thousand copies printed. The calendar sells at a hundred pesos a piece and every cent raised through the selling of this calendar will be for the I Can Serve Foundation. We started selling yesterday, so far, we have sold 25 copies. 975 copies more to sell before the year is over. =)

This would be a great gift for christmas. Not only will you have a gift, you've also given to charity. Contact me for orders. Email me at vangiekhu@yahoo.com.

Thank you in advanced for your generosity.

Windy Night

Brother and family arrived last Thursday from the province. They will be here till Sunday. Missing my siblings and niece, we decided to have dinner together. We agreed to meet up at the restaurant.

I think either a low pressure area or a typhoon was on its way in then. Wind was blowing pretty hard. I parked Boyd on the parking lot next to the restaurant and on my way from the parking lot to the restaurant, I realised that I could feel the wind in my hair!

What is more amazing is that there is resistance and on top of that, my hair's going with the direction of the wind. Yipee!

We Can't Serve

A picture of some of the I Can Serve girls who play badminton every Tuesday at Yonex Philippines Badminton Club. We are the survivors and warriors! We call our selves the I Can't Serve girls.

Stumped

When people ask me "So, how are you?". I can easily answer "I'm good" or "I'm fine, thank you" with a smile. But when I'm asked "So, are you cancer free?", I would usually open and close my mouth without making a sound. I'm stumped. I do not know what to say.

During my treatment, I have a ready answer of "I'm working on it" to that cancer free question. Now, after the treatments, I really don't know. I would really love to answer "yes" but I can't say for sure. My oncologist have not yet ordered a CT scan or a bone scan. And I don't know if I need to do those tests.

There are times when my scar would give me some short, sharp painful moments. I would say it's like being bitten by an ant - sometimes the ant is a giant one; sometimes it's an army of ants, taking turns throughout the day. And paranoia would set in. Thoughts would range from "Oh, no! It's cancer again" to "I'm going to die today". I'd physically shake my head as if to shake these thoughts off.

So, am I cancer free? I guess an educated answer is "No". I may be in remission, but I will have to forever live with cancer, whether I like it or not.

Rainy Day

It has been raining non stop since wednesday night. It is not your pouring heavy rain, just intermittent drizzling and then a few minutes of heavy downpour.

Having to commute yesterday, I decided to dress sensibly - jeans, shirt and rubber shoes (so I can sidestep puddles and avoid car splashes nimbly). And of course, I have an umbrella with me.

I was a really funny sight going home. I was laughing my head off all by myself on my way home. Picture this: Me walking along the main road, skirting puddles of water, with an umbrella that has scoliosis (the handle/main frame is bent out of shape). Two blocks away from the office, my right shoe felt funny; I felt something flopping. Oh dear, it's the sole. Faced with a choice of going back to the office to change into slippers or just walking on to the jeepney stop, I decided to forge ahead to the jeepney stop.

A few steps later, the left shoe felt funny, too. It seems that left shoe does not want to be outdone by the right shoe. I checked and saw it grinning at me. Oh, lordy! So there I was, trudging along between puddles of water, right shoe (heel part) flipping, left shoe (toe part) flapping. Before I even got to the jeepney stop, the right sole completely fell off. So there I was, in the rain, with a scoliotic umbrella, deciding what to do. I picked up the sole (don't ask me why) and then I ripped off the sole on left shoe. Ahhh...walking straight again. From there until the jeepney stop, there was no further mishap. By the way, I threw away both soles.

I have to get off the FX (Toyota AUVs converted into public transportation) and walk another block before I reach home. As I was crossing the street to reach the apartment, I almost tripped; I looked back to see what it was that I stepped on, er, left behind - sure enough, it was another portion of my left shoe!

Well, I did get home in one piece, my shoes weren't so lucky. They got home in PIECES! Time to get new shoes? You think?

Let's Count

It has been:

296 days since I did the self breast exam that found the mass on my left breast
262 days since I was diagnosed to have breast cancer
253 days since I was operated on
81 days since my last chemotherapy cycle
42 days since my last radiotherapy treatment
19 days since I started taking tamoxifen

These are just numbers to all. But these numbers will always be with me; for they are the numbers that defined my life. These numbers have taught me a lot - patience, courage, resiliency, living, loving, sharing, keeping a straight head, etc.

And oh, yeah,

17 days until the girls' grand week!

All right!!!!

Gratitude Wall

On September 25, 2005, around 300 to 400 people will be trooping to Edsa Shangri-la Plaza Hotel's Garden Ballroom to attend the Silver Linings. As of last Saturday, the pre-registered headcount was already around 250 people. I know that not all will be able to make it but we think that we can expect around 300 people at the least.

One of the event's highlights will be the gratitude wall for the survivors and perhaps their loved ones. There's already an entry expressed in form of a prayer.

Me, I have a lot to be thankful and grateful for. I am still thinking of how to go about writing an entry, or if I should even have an entry for that matter. Do I share with the public? Or do I just keep it private? But then again, I think I must express my gratitude. Just how or when the inspiration will hit me, I don't know. Maybe I should just write from the heart.

Baby

Little girls always want to be like their moms. Or at least when they're less than 7 years old. They would tinker around with their mom's stuff - make up, shoes, bags, dresses.

Maxine's not different. As the family is eagerly waiting for the second bundle of joy, Max goes around telling everyone who would care to listen that she also "have baby in her tummy". She'd even get mad if her nanny touches her tummy.

This is funny now that Max's only two years old. But I think it's already giving my brother nightmares as he imagine hearing the same words fifteen years from now! Heaven forbid!

Greetings

Walk into a department store, fast food chain, and other shops inside a mall, and you'll surely be greeted by the employees. It is usually an all encompassing "Good morning/afternoon/evening, Ma'am, Sir". Understandable if the people being greeted is a couple. But most of the time, the employees just mouth the words without thinking while going on about other tasks.

When you are at the receiving end, sometimes it's funny, sometimes it's annoying, sometimes, you raise an eyebrow and wonder if those people really saw you. For me, I'd rather they not greet me if it is out of reflex (?) or muscle memory. I don't like people greeting me if they are not sincere. More so nowadays.

When I was bald and always had a hat on, I was never mistaken for a guy. Now that my hair's grown and I go without a hat, I am sometimes addressed as "sir". This has happened a couple of times. In both instances, the person greeting me never really saw me, just an automatic reflex. And when they turn their attention to me, they realize their mistake and turns red in the face.

Good day, sir! er, ma'am!

At Last

Of course the test is not mine! *LOL*

I got this picture along with an email from a friend in the US. They have been trying to get pregnant since the day they got married (I think). And now, after some years (4? 5? 6?), they finally made it! It is one of the best news I had this year. I am soooooo happy for them! They are one of the nicest couple I know and I honestly believe that they will be very good parents. Babies are such blessings.

Congratulations, my friends! Here's to (a) healthy baby/babies! *toast* Twins too?

A Movie and A Cop

Our weekly meeting was cancelled last Monday, suddenly leaving the night free. I called up Olive and asked her if she wanted to watch a movie. She said yes. So, we went to Rockwell to watch "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants".

When the movie was over, I saw my face in the mirror. I laughed. My nose was red from crying rivers of tears over the movie, most especially over the character Bailey, a 12 year old girl with leukemia.

It was surprisingly good. Although I knew that it will be a chick flick, I never anticipated it to be that good since the story revolves around four teenage girls. The movie was worth the trip to Makati.

Earlier in the afternoon, before leaving the office, I thought that I should really put up my car registration stickers. I got it since July and still haven't found time (actually, I always forget) to stick them. I started to take off the old registration sticker but then decided to do it on Tuesday since it was starting to rain then.

On our way home from the movie, two blocks from home, and a patrol car was behind me, sirens on. I move to the right to let it pass. But when it came alongside, the policeman waved at me to pull over. While waving, I saw (and heard; a bit muffled) him say the words to his partner "Pare, babae pala" (it's a girl). I smiled; vanity getting the better of me - pleased that even with my short hair, they know that I'm a gal. The police did not even bothered to ask for my license and/or registration. He just wanted to know where my car registration stickers are. I showed the cop the stickers and he let me go - after telling me to stick them on so that I won't be delayed/flagged down in the future. Yes, sir! No problem.

I should follow my instincts, hehehe. And yes, I put them up yesterday.

Time

Lately, I find myself being swamped with work. Gone are the days that I can sit back, relax and enjoy (is there such a thing?) my work day. Since July, work's been steadily piling up. But I manage to accomplish things on time. Juggling work and doctor's appointments is kinda hard, but I managed.

Today is no exception. It is only now (5pm) that I managed to take a breather. First thing I realised - I forgot to take my tamoxifen! Oh, no! I asked my doctors (2 of them) if it's okay to take it even if my usual medication time is at 1pm. Well, it turns out that taking the medication at the exact same time everyday is just to establish a pattern and to help me remember. Whew!

Well, I'm not complaining about my work load. I just want to get as much work done as possible (and out of the way) before I go on leave come October 3! *Teeheehee* Lapit na! 28 na tulog na lang! (28 more days to go!) Woohoo!

My only regret is that I tend to forget what I want to write on my blog. Stories, anecdotes, frustrations and gratitudes, sometimes forgotten and gone (hopefully not forever), and then I'd remember some of them when I'm busy and can't access my blog. Oh, dear! I'm getting "chemo" brain!

Rock Star INXS

As I've said before, I'm not really into rock music. So when the reality TV series Rock Star INXS aired, I never really cared enough to watch.

Olive, on the other hand, tries to follow the series as much as she can; and in the past two or three weeks, I find myself watching along with her. My favorite thus far is Marty Casey's version of Britney Spears song "Hit Me Baby One More Time". His is wwwwwaaaaaayyyyyyyyy better than Spears, actually.

Now, I think I'm hooked.