A Question Never Asked

After having people find out that I have cancer, and judging by their reactions, I guessed I have a question that I have never voiced out; maybe bacause, as unbelievable as it might seems, it never occured to me until recently: why me?

Maybe it's the way I deal what life doles out to me as I go along everyday. Maybe I don't believe in wasting time pondering over things that obviously have no clear answer at the moment. Maybe it's because when life throws me a curve, I still go with it, trying to catch it and make sense out of it.

Easter Sunday musings, 9AM, why me? As I take stock of my battered body - collapsed veins, bruises that ran from my wrist to a third of my forearm, bald head, scars, dry skin, Thelma looking straight and Louise looking up, the chronic fatigue that justs hit you from nowhere - it just occured to me how much I have went through the past three months! Has it only been three months? Yep, three months. And I'm just halfway through the chemo treatments! Then, there's the radiotherapy of 6 weeks; and who knows what after that. Man! It's enough to tire me out and send me back to bed for a nap!

And when I woke up at 1215NN, still no answer in sight. It was a good nap, no dreams apparently, to reveal to me the answer of my question. So, instead of pondering once again for the answer, I will just revert back to the "wisdom" of NOT trying to answer that question. Time will reveal the whole picture (I don't know when) for I have a glimpse of it when I realised that I can help other cancer patients and survivors of my support group by just being there for them, even in very small ways. Why worry my pretty bald head over it? My chemo fried brain will overload!

In the meantime, I intend to live each day to the fullest, take in my share of laughter and tears, try to help at least a person a day - in any way I could. I will go along, sit back, relax and enjoy this roller coaster called life.