The Night(mares) Before Christmas

2008 is fast coming to a close, and I have never been this glad to see the end of a year.

Holloween was over but mine was just starting. Last November 14, I had a bone scan. During the procedure, I was quite uneasy for reasons unknown to me and humankind. When I got home from the procedure, I got a call from the hospital asking me to bring in my old bone scan plates (which they said they didn't need when I tried to leave the plates earlier in the day) again for comparison. Uh-oh.

I got my results on the 18th, and the dreaded "...metastases cannot be totally ruled out; suggest further radiological study." (or something like that) was in the bone scan reading. I emailed my scan results (it's print-out now, not plates) to my radio-oncologist friend, and she was likewise concerned about some "abnormal activities in the L3 and L4 areas." On the 20th, there was an Orthopedic convention, which my brother and sister-in-law attended. I went to see them, bringing my plates with me and showed the same to them. They showed it to our friend who happens to be one of the best ortho-oncologist in the country, and Dr. Edward Wang said it's most likely arthritis; but if we really want to be sure, we can do an MRI and/or a bone biopsy.

I understood then the saying about having the proverbial axe hanging over one's head.

Like a lamb being led to the slaughterhouse, I obediently did the MRI. Being claustrophobic, this was no small feat for me. Lying very still for 30 minutes in a cylinder with banging sounds literally bouncing off the walls, it was a wonder I didn't hyperventilate. Then, I was told by the technician that they have to inject a contrast dye. That cannot be good, I thought, for if it is just arthritis, then contrast won't be needed. So, I have to lay still for another 20 minutes or so. Bugger.

When I got my MRI reading two days after, my breath caught at the words "metastatic neoplasm." The reading cannot commit whether the lesions seen were indeed mets or not. Okay, the axe over my head just start swinging.

I took my MRI plates to one of the best spine surgeon in the country, Dr. Adrian Catbagan, who is also a good friend, he wanted bone biopsy to rule out mets for sure. I concurred with his opinion. When Dr. Wang saw my MRI plates, he asked me to seek for a second opinion with a medical oncologist he'll refer.

All right, so I went to see the doctor (this is already first week of December). She reviewed my medical history, which have gotten quite thick (i think it's half inch now). Her opinion is that at best, it is most likely arthritis; but since cancer is known for its tyranny, she said the best option is to do a PET scan, which in non-invasive, or do a bone biopsy (as a last resort). My jaw dropped at the mention of PET scan; for only one hospital in the whole country has that, and four years ago, they were charging somewhere between 50,000.00 to 75,000.00. I wanted to clutch my chest, fall on the floor with my mouth foaming, and to start shaking like crazy. Taking a deep breath, I asked if I can just go straight to biopsy; for there's that chance that the PET scan still cannot totally rule out mets. I'm going to save me some 75,000.00 to 100,000.00. Suddenly, arthritis has never been more attractive!

I wanted to schedule the biopsy ASAP; but my brother wanted to be around during the procedure; so we finally set it on December 15th.

I woke up bright and early (thanks to the alarm clock) on the morning of the 15th feeling surprisingly calm. When we got to the hospital (PGH), we processed me to get a blue card so as to have a case number that was needed for the OR. Once we got that, we went up to the operating rooms of the Orthopedic Department, waiting for my turn. We were scheduled for the 2nd case of the day, which should be around 10:00. We found out around 9:30 that the first case is a bilateral knee replacement procedure, and not one knee as we originally thought; meaning, I'll be on by 1:00 PM.

So, we waited at the Orthopedic Department. Everyone there seems to know that I'm up for biopsy. Friends reassure me, saying that all will be well. I smiled and could not help but be touched by the outpour of support and love - that almost sent me crying.

I finally changed into a hospital gown by 1:00, trying hard not to moon people as I walked to my assigned operating room. This is fun, I thought, how many patients get to walk to their operating room? Pigs, cows, sheep, lambs, perhaps; but people? I was feeling like a star, saying hi and waving to the doctors I meet along the way. When I saw my medical team that will do the biopsy, I am happy for all the major players are friends. I'm in good hands.

When they checked my blood pressure, even I was impressed: 120/80. I knew then that my fear of breaking down and flooding the OR will not materialize. Whew! Listening to the doctors prepping me up for the procedure finally lulled me to sleep.

When I woke up, all was groggy and hazy, voices were in the background, and there was this pounding sound, like a sculptor chiselling away at the marble. Then, my mind cleared a bit. Hmmm, the pounding seemed to be on my back. (pound, pound, pound) I think that's my bone. (pound, pound, pound) I think that's my spine. (pound, pound, pound) I think that hurts. (pound, pound, pound) I think that hurts more. (pound, pound, pound) I finally raised my hand and uttered a feeble "aray (ouch)." (pound, pound, pound) "Arayyy," louder this time around. Tita Fides, the anesthesiologist, finally heard me. "Aray daw!" and then I passed out again, but not before thinking that this is good material for a horror show.

Next time I came to, I heard the good doctors arguing whether to use micropore or tegaderm to dress the wounds. I struggled to say that I'm allergic to tegaderm, and when they finally heard me, the tegaderm was used. Oh, well. And I fell asleep again.

Next thing I knew, I was aware of being wheeled through a labyrinth-like pathway, when the movement finally stopped, I peeked through my eyelids and saw that I was in the recovery room. Tita Fides came over and told me to sleep for at least 30 minutes more and let the anesthesia wear off.

I tried, but before going back to sleep, I took a look-see at my surroundings; instead of falling asleep, I was jarred awake by the number of patients around me. My thought was: I have to get out of here! Pronto! Instead of falling asleep, I grew more and more awake. 20 minutes later, I was in the washroom changing into my clothes.

I was not supposed to eat until 6PM, but coming from the washroom, I felt as if I could eat not just a horse but a whole elephant! So hungry was I that I'm not sure if I was weak and groggy from hunger or from the anesthesia. I insisted upon leaving the hospital, wanting to get away as soon as I can. So, they wheeled me to the car, and off we went to eat.

I was already ordering food by 5 or 5:15. My brother made a token order, said he wasn't really hungry. When we started to eat, brother got a text from the good doctors, saying that the initial findings didn't find any tumor cells; only bone cells were seen. =) Brother suddenly got back his appetite and ordered some more food.

After eating, we dropped by the regular drinking place of the ortho people; the doctors were so happy with the news of the initial findings that they gave me a celebratory beer to drink!

We got the final news on Wednesday, December 18: No tumor found! It is just arthritis! Friends started texting me, congratulating me on my biopsy results. My oncologist/s wants me to monitor the area, meaning another MRI in 3 or 6 months, depending if the area will be hurting or not.

Whatever. It's a merry christmas indeed for all of us! So...

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

PLDT Sucks Big Time!

First, please congratulate me on my second posting this month - it's a miracle!

Okay, from the title, and I am warning you now, this post is going to be a rant and rave post. If you're not in the right mood, do skip this entry.

I woke up on November 10, Monday, and found out that my phone wasn't working. So, I asked my friends to report it to PLDT. They did. On November 13, Thursday, I went to the Admin of the building and asked for their help to get my line fixed. The Administrator said I was good with my timing since a PLDT guy will be passing by later that afternoon. I also left word with the Administrator and the guard on duty that I'll be in the following afternoon, from 2pm onwards, in case they need to check my phone unit. Friday came and went, but no PLDT people/person showed up. Okay, fine, whatever!

Sunday, coming back from Olive's place, the guard told me that a PLDT guy showed up on Saturday, but I wasn't around, so I should just call again and give them a time and date as to when they can come back. I also found out that when told of the phone problem on Thursday, the service crew said that he can't check and repair my line because he was in a hurry. DUH?

I immediately sent an email to PLDT's customer service and gave them quite an earful (if only emails can shout and give the right tone to its content! Ah, where's Harry Potter when you need him?) I also gave the dates and times that I'll be in. Monday, I got a reply:

Dear Ms. Khu:

We are truly sorry to learn of your unfortunate experience. Please be advised that we have already forwarded your concern to the Division in-charge for their immediate attention and appropriate action. We shall advise you accordingly as soon as we receive their reply.

Our sincerest apologies for the inconvenience. Thank you for bearing with us.

Yada, yada. Another week passed and still nothing. So, I called up 171 again and gave the call center agent quite a tongue lashing. I wrote more emails, one getting more rude than the one before and their last reply was really AMAZING:

Dear Ms. Khu:

Good day. Mam, may we kindly know your available schedule of visit or contact numbers
since when place was being visited, house was closed.

Thank you and we look forward on your response.

Ayoh! They looking for trouble, eh? I immediately replied to the email and in less than a minute I got an answer:

Delivery has failed to these recipients or distribution lists:

customercare@pldt.comThe recipient's mailbox is full and can't accept messages now. Microsoft Exchange will not try to redeliver this message for you. Please try resending this message later, or contact the recipient directly.

Their service is so lousy that their inbox got full? Wow! This is something new.

I do not understand...do I laugh or do I cry???

Dinner

I had dinner tonight with Maan and Father Barcelon, just two of Papa's numerous friends that he picked up after his retirement.

I was both excited and apprehensive about the dinner. Excited for somehow I feel that I knew Father Barcelon and in some ways he reminded me about Papa. Apprehensive because I'm afraid that I might burst into tears when I see him. I don' know why, but when Maan sent me an SMS last week to arrange for dinner, the thought of seeing Father Barcelon got me teary eyed.

Well, I kept my composure and didn't cry when I saw them tonight. Dinner was short and sweet since Father Barcelon was tired from going from one place to another the whole day. Seeing them magnified the feeling of missing my Dad all the more.

I'm Here

It's been a little over three months since I last blogged. Even Olive has been nagging me about this. I know, I know, but somehow hiding under the rocks is easier to do. Time and again, I've something worth blogging about, but I just seem to have lost my "mojo."

I'll try to reconstruct some of the highlights of the past three months...but I advise against holding your breath for the next entry. =)

And you know what? It REALLY has been quite some time since I logged in. There's a whole new look and a whole bunch of applications for Blogger! And I have to experiment and see what these are all about...bugger!

Seasonal Affective Disorder

I remembered reading somewhere that a person can get depressed during changes in seasons. Looking it up in the internet, I found that it is called Seasonal Affective Disorder or SAD. It is said to affect people at certain time of each year, most especially during winter when the days are short and the nights are long. A cure for this is light therapy.

I have been feeling down for a couple of weeks now and I thought that I have SAD. Well, I feel quite ridiculous when I read that this usually affect people during WINTER time. Funny, there's no winter here in the Philippines, so I could NOT possibly have SAD.

Looking back, I realized that I am indeed SAD; and the reason for this is that I miss my father terribly.

Shopping for An Oncologist

I have to go shopping for another oncologist! This is the terrible news that I found out today. It felt like the aftermaths of the quake in China and the typhoon in Myanmar combined together - disastrous and devastating twice over.

I have always believed that your doctor should be the one whom you get along with; one whose instructions you'll follow; one whom you won't dread visiting when check-up/follow up time comes. I have always had this kind of relationship with my oncologist. I was supposed to go back mid-May for another check up but due to my father's illness, I was in Cagayan de Oro and wasn't able to see her.

I called up today to get an appointment for Saturday and that's when I found out that my oncologist have migrated to Nebraska just a couple of weeks ago! And someone has taken over her practice. Man, oh man. This is a disaster! What shall I do? Go to this oncologist who took over the practice or shop for another one based on the referral of my support group?

I emailed the support group right away but no one has been under this "new" oncologist's care. I don't know if that is a good sign...

Maybe I should just go to Nebraska for my check-up. I want to cry...

My Father's Legacy

In his retirement years, my father worked to broaden and strengthen the ties between the Filipino and the Chinese communities: not only here in the Philippines, but in China as well. He was able to have the cities of Harbin (China) and Cagayan de Oro (Philippines) become sister cities.

He joined and led many a socio-civic groups. It was his way of repaying and giving thanks to the communities that embraced him when he migrated from China some sixty or so years ago. He was a leader who was well loved and respected. He had vast knowledge of the city’s (Cagayan de Oro) history and politics and knew almost everyone. If you want to know a person’s family history and background, chances are he can tell you; for he grew with the city and loved it so.

I never realized the extent of Papa’s “network” until his wake. The four days and nights that we have kept vigil were not enough to have his friends pay their final respects. Day and night, as early as eight in the morning and as late as twelve midnight, people (we know and do not know) would come in to give their final respects to my father. People from other parts of the country – Manila, Cebu, Davao (there may be other places that I missed) – flew in to attend his funeral. To say that we were dumbfounded by the outpouring of love and respect shown in these few days would be an understatement.

As I got to know and spoke with some of the key people from different socio-civic groups, I got a glimpse of the legacy my father was leaving behind. Already, people are missing him. Some even asked me which one of us three siblings would like to continue the most important work he started – fostering the ties between the Filipino and Chinese communities. We, the children, may attempt to do this in our own way but we will surely fall short by the stick which we will be measured against; for my father’s shoes are too big to fill.

His funeral was quite something else. We did not expect so many people to attend since it was a weekday. Someone commented that his funeral was comparable and even outshone that of a rich man’s. Well, my father may not be rich with worldly possessions, but he was far richer because he was a helpful, fair, just, honest, insightful, and wise man. Being such a man earned him the love and respect of everyone. To all he came in contact with, he touched their lives. To those who became his friends, he enriched them. And to us his family, we are truly blessed beyond words.

A great man has moved on and we, the family, along with a lot of people, will all miss him terribly.

ENG C. KHU
Born: October 17, 1936 (3^rd day of the 9^th month in the lunar calendar)
Died: May 24, 2008 (20^th day of the 4^th month in the lunar calendar)

Can't Wait

I asked a friend to check what is an auspicious day to move; what do you know? It's on April 29th, between 7 to 9 AM.

So, I've spoken with the workers and they promise to deliver by Monday. If, for some quirky twist of fate and the construction still will not be completed by then, at the very least, I will have a habitable place to stay. By then, it will just be the installation of the cabinet doors. But, I'm hoping that all will be done.

Another week to go, and I'll be sleeping in my own place...can't wait!

Couch Potato

That's what I am - a couch potato - and at my sister's place at that! Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, I'm more than thankful.

As of this writing, I am still living with my sister, the renovation at my place still not done yet, although it's getting there. When I looked back and thought that I once believed that all the renovations will be done in ten days, I laughed at my ridiculousness! Thank goodness I am blessed to have such a sweet brother-in-law who willingly puts up with me living in their living room.

My place still needs to have the cabinets constructed and painted, the walls too. Just a little bit more and I'll be able to move in already.

Spring Cleaning

It's moving time again, so I'm forced to spring clean my stuff once more. Packers! I need professional packers, then after I moved, I would need professional un-packers! Oh, boy, I hate moving; but this is probably the only time that I'm excited about it.

I only have a week more to sort, pack, and "throw away" stuff; next weekend, I'll be moving out of my current living space, but not yet into the new one. I'll be in transient with Olive until mid-April. THEN, I moved in. =)

The contractors will be ecstatic to hear that their deadline is moved and postponed for another 2 weeks. 6 days to renovate? What was I thinking?

Ladidah! Signing off now and going back to packing.

Packers....I need packers.

Sold!

I did it! I did the unthinkable and I'm still in shock. Everything seems so surreal. One minute I was looking for a place to rent, the next thing I knew, I was signing on the dotted line, taking out a loan to buy my own place!

I never imagined myself to be a homeowner, even less a condominium unit owner. I would have preferred to get a townhouse or a house and lot; but with what I can afford (to loan, that is), those properties will be located outside the Metro. Choices, choices, choices!

I started to entertain the idea of buying instead of renting after seeing those real estate banners touting low monthly payments and slogans like "Why rent when you can own?" To know my options, I went condo-shopping - townhouses within the Metro will cost me an arm and a leg, so that's not an option. I went to view condos that were pre-selling, now-selling, and post-selling. My requirements were simple, good security, accessible to the MRT, decent floor space, and most of all, should be cheap.

At the onset, something tells me my requirements somehow mismatched, but I braved on. Loft types condos are the trend now, but I didn't like anything I saw; plus paying for "floor space" that is more of "air space" simply does not sit well with me - it's like paying twice the price for the actual, solid floor space. Though, to be fair to other properties, there are some developers who did beautiful lofts. Of course, the prices for these were also beautifully out of reach.

After looking at six properties, reality bit and I was ready to call it quits and just go back to renting. This is not yet the time for me to buy. I scoured the ads again for condo units for rent. I answered an ad and went to see the unit. One look at the place and I'm ready to run out the front door. It's sooo RED! Somehow, I persisted. I asked the agent if there are any other units that are available. The agent said if it is for lease, then no units were available; but if I will be interested in buying, then she can show me some units.

My first question was how much? I nearly fell off my chair when she told me the price! She was offering me a condo unit inside an exisiting building at half the price of other pre-selling properties with the same floor space! Oh, boy. Could this be it? I tried not to get my hopes up too high but went on to check out this unit. What do you know? It is an end unit, meaning two sides of windows instead of one (I got a total of 3 windows instead of the usual one). I still have to improve the unit a little but I think it will work. I also took measurements to make sure all my existing stuff will fit into all of its 40 square meters (430 square feet).

I 'm getting totally excited here...until I went shopping for my housing loan. Mortgage here in the Philippines is, oh, I don't even know how to start describing it; especially when you take a loan from the bank. I was resigned to go back to renting again when I bumped into a good friend and to cut the long story short, I took out my housing loan from my friend, and I am now an owner of a condominium unit.

Most of my friends are more excited than I am. There's this friend who keeps telling other people we know that I'm buying my own place even when I still haven't signed on. Then, others who wants to know when the house-warming will be. Then, there are others who are already planning to have my place be the party place. I just laughed and am really touched by their enthusiasm and happiness for me.

Next comes the renovation. I have to decide on the flooring (tiles? wood? vinyl?), ceiling design (cove? plain?), lighting fixtures (round? square? let's not start on the colors), storage spaces (where to put them) - all these are making my head spin and ache; but in a nice way. And have I mentioned that all these will have to be done by the end of the month?

I am still trying to come to terms that I have indeed bought me a condo unit. At least I know my living space will not go any smaller in the future...and I'm finally letting myself get excited! Woohoo!

Ooooppsss

Uh-oh. I messed around with my old template and now I don't know how to put back the links, etc.

Tired editing the thingy but obviously it's not my thing - hee hee hee. I'll try to figure out this thing again.

Oh, well.

Nearest Kin

Olive's in the hospital. She went in to have some procedure done, nothing serious, I promise.

She checked in last Tuesday afternoon as her surgery is on Wednesday. Tuesday night, we decided to pop in the hospital to give her some moral support. When we got there, she was bored out of her mind, almost climbing up the walls in her room.

Since she do not have an IV line yet, she can pretty much move around. When we decided to have dinner, Olive came along. She told the nurses on duty that she will accompany us to dinner. Uh, I think it should be more of US accompanying HER rather than the other way around.

We finally all trooped back to her hospital room after almost 2 hours of dinner! The nurse came in to tell Olive what she needs to do that night. Then, Olive was asked to sign the consent form. A little more interview and history taking took place. When asked who is her nearest kin, Olive readily pointed to me and gave my name. I protested and said that I'm not the nearest kin, but Jerome is! Being her husband and all.

Olive laughed and defended herself, well, at that moment, I was indeed her nearest kin - physically, for I was just sitting behind her and Jerome was at the foot of the bed!

Hunting Season

Hunting season is here once again. Hunting for a house/condo/apartment, anyway.

I would love to stay right where I am now but the expense is just getting to be too ridiculous. Yesterday, I got the bill for the association dues, and it just seems to me that I am being given every sign to move - they raised the dues by 10%!

I seen a couple of ads that looked promising, but alas, someone has beaten me to it. So, I'm a searching once again.

Ads in the internet sometimes can be funny, most especially the pictures of the furnished units. Seeing the furnishings just makes me shudder to even think about living there, much less paying for it! Oh my gosh, I'm a snob! Well, let's just say I got a headache just from the pictures - all those vivid unmatching colors!

One conclusion I have arrived at: it seems that I am doomed to have my living space be inversely proportional to my age!