All Messed Up

I am up for a visit to my oncologist. I tried to see her last week but her schedule was full and she does not hold clinic on Saturdays anymore. I was able to get an appointment for tomorrow.

I have been trying to “prepare” myself for this checkup, as my good doctor wants to see my sugar profile, lipid profile, thyroid hormones on top of the standard tests that I usually do. Well, I have not been exactly a good girl, so I am bracing myself for high everything (Bad, bad Vanj!)

What I did not expect was an anxiety attack. How does one deal and cope with that? I woke up calm and relaxed this morning. Then, as I was preparing to go to the laboratory to have my blood extraction, I can feel the onset of an anxiety attack slowly creeping in. I tried to calm myself down, taking deep breaths, praying, even trying to chant myself into oblivion (You can do it! You can do it! You can do it! AHHHH! Paksyet! You can do it! You can do it!); but I still felt anxious; I can even feel my blood pressure slowly going up.

While driving myself to the lab, I tried deep breathing, but somewhere along the way, the long deep breaths became short, shallow breaths! This is not good. So I tried praying, but I can never seem to complete a single sentence/thought. So I just prayed: “Oh, You know what I mean! Amen.” Then chanting: You can do it! You can do it! You can do it! Oopps, was that a red light? You can do it! You can do it! You can do it! Yikes, I think I was supposed to turn right there. You can do it! You can do it! Oh, stop it! You HAVE to do it! Deal with it!

So, I got to the laboratory all wired up. However, in the midst of all this self rallying, self cheering, I managed to remember to bring the betadine solution – just in case the medical technicians have a hard time extracting blood from my right arm, they can do it on my left. How I did it, I really do not know; for I would usually remember to do something one second and then forget about it the next.

I was lucky, we got blood at one go! It was only after the extraction that I find myself relaxing. I felt the energy draining away, or was it the anxiety? Good thing I was kind of leaning on the table when I was presented with the bill, otherwise, I might just find myself picking me up from the floor.

Now, if only this would not happen again when I go to my oncologist tomorrow! However, I do not think I would be able to relax until the appointment is over. I can feel the anxiety coming for me again as early as now, merciless in its death-like grip. Heaven help me when my blood pressure shall be taken tomorrow!

I honestly do not know why I have all these anxieties. I do not know if it is because I was anticipating for a hard time at the lab, or that the results would not be good, or maybe it is just my paranoia – that niggling feeling that something might be wrong with me again. Don’t you just hate it when you’re all messed up UP there? I hate being a wimp.

Girlfriends 2

Last Monday, I went to Makati to meet up with Gigi, who had been in town for three weeks already. It was her last night in Manila before she flies back home. We were supposed to meet earlier in her stay here but things kept cropping up and messing our schedules.

It was good to see Gigi again. Over dinner, we talked about everything and nothing; friends, foes, family, everything. We also gossiped like the two girls that we are.

Last night, I went out with a couple of other girlfriends. We gossiped, yes. We had girl talk. We had fun.

Looking back, I realized that these friends are so good to me. They kept me sane. They have the knack of being there when you need them most - for a good laugh, for a good time, for a much needed pick-me-up, for drinks, for juicy true-to-life stories, for EVERYTHING!

Life is much more fun and colorful when you have girlfriends, and I am so lucky to be blessed with a bunch of them.

High School Reunion

Last Sunday, I went with Mom to her high school reunion. It has been 50 years since they graduated. We were at the venue by 945 although the event was scheduled to start at noon. A little bit early, aren’t we? Well, Mom was recruited to sell tickets at the gate that’s why she had to be there early. Being the chaperone and chauffer, I had nothing to do, so I went out and got me Sunday papers, which kept me good company until 12 (when lunch began).

By 1030, the place was already teeming with people. Some of Mom’s classmates came home (from all over the world: US, Hong Kong, China, etc.) just to attend this event. By 11, people were overflowing to the reception area.

It was fun to see their batch come together. I was amazed at their energy and enthusiasm. It is as if 50 years did not happen and they were still in high school. When the class picture was taken, the stage nearly cannot accommodate the celebrants! Easily, they could be around a hundred, maybe more.

Seeing a bunch of 70-year-olds come together laughing and giggling, enjoying each other’s company, was a rare treat. Boredom just faded into the distance. I sat back and enjoyed watching these people enjoy themselves and each other’s company. It was a good day. It was a good reunion (and I won in the raffle).

Road Trip

A couple of friends and I decided to go to Vigan for the weekend (June 10 and 11). This is my first road trip in quite a while.

We left Manila at dawn (530 AM) and had breakfast in the car when we reached our first “pit stop” at Hacienda Luisita. Breakfast consists of Spam pandesal sandwiches, and juice that we brought along. After a 10 or 15 minute stop, we hit the road again, aiming to be in Vigan by 2 or 3 PM.

As soon as we passed through the arch welcoming motorists to La Union, we saw a line of people on the roadside, sticking out their fists and waving them in the air, each fist clenching prawns and/or shrimps of different sizes. No, this is not a peculiar local way of welcoming people to La Union, but rather these people are advertising the size of the prawns/shrimps they are selling. We picked one lady and proceeded to negotiate with her and her cronies. We choose to buy the 4- to 6-inch shrimps rather than the bigger 8- to 9-inch prawns.

After haggling (which we got not a single cent off, such hagglers we are!), we decided to purchase a kilo. When the ladies took out their weighing scale, I was eyeing it skeptically. Also, I noticed that they had a plastic bag ready, which has a couple of inches of water in it. A kilo worth of shrimps was weighed and I had my doubts; it looks like half a kilo only to me. When I asked one of my friends to check the weight (since he goes to the market every week), the ladies slipped the shrimps into the plastic (with two inches of water). My friend took the shrimps and pronounced the weigh to be quite fair. So, off we went again, pushing on.

Shortly after, we decided to pull over and have an impromptu picnic. Roadside cooking (also called tailgating, I was told) was fun, complete with the smiles from people inside passing vehicles. We discovered then that the shrimps we bought were indeed less than a kilo. Our market expert did not know that there was water in the plastic bag before the shrimp was placed in it. Well, we did get a kilo of shrimps, including the water. No matter. We were indeed “tourists” and got “duped” by the locals. However, if we had an honest to goodness kilo of shrimps, we might not have finished it. At least, we had no leftovers (yeah, yeah, and yeah; right). Lunch was done in 30 minutes, from setting up to cleaning up our “mess.” And then we forged on.

We finally got to Vigan around 300 PM. Not bad, we hit our target time. We immediately headed to the town plaza and had the local specialties, the empanada and the okoy. After filling our stomach yet again, we did the tourist thing - walked around the plaza, the main road, looked for a cheap (but clean) hotel, visited the zoo, bought local handicrafts (I got some hand towels and blankets, woven from a loom). We stayed overnight, and headed back to Manila after brunch the following day.

The drive back home was longer; we were more relaxed and had more stops for lunch, for roadside corn, for coffee. We had dinner when we got to Manila.

People who found out that we were in Vigan for a night asked why we stayed for so short a time. After traveling all 400 + kilometers from Manila to Vigan, why not stay longer? Truth is I don’t know. For us, overnight was enough for us to see, feel, and appreciate the charm of the place. Another night might leave us with nothing to do. This way, at least we did not have time to be bored.

Till the next road trip!

Chemo- or Hare-brained?

I am now playing badminton again, every Monday night, and time and playmates allowing, Thursday nights, too.

I get my natural highs playing the game, sometimes it's not too good, as I end up still wide awake at 230 in the morning, still feeling the adrenalin rush.

Last Monday, early morning, as I was preparing my clothes for the games that night, I opened my badminton bag and found out that I was losing my badminton shoes! I lost my shoes! I lost my shoes! Panic almost set in, I remembered to take a deep breath and tried to think where I might have lost my shoes. I did not even bother to look at the array of shoes in the room. I knew in my bones I left my shoes at the court where I played the previous week.

My goodness! I have been oblivious to the fact that I do not my badminton shoes, and it's been a week! Now, is that chemo brain at work? or me just being plain hare-brained?

I rang up the court and was told that no one turned over any shoes. Darn! Now, I have to get new shoes! I texted Olive and told her that I lost my shoes. She immediately called me back. Olive was kind of in a panic mode; she was telling me that she threw away a pair of shoes over the weekend and that those might be my shoes. I calmed her down, telling her that it would be impossible for her to throw out my shoes as I don't think I brought them home last week.

I went to the court without buying any shoes. My options: 1) get shoes from the court. 2) not play. 3) play barefoot. Of course, these options are not acceptable to me, but what can I do? When I got to the court, I immediately went to the counter to sign the attendance sheet. What did I see then? My shoes! Someone found them and gave them to the counter for safekeeping! Hallelujah! I could not be happier at that moment.

Geesh. One week of not knowing that my shoes were lost? Seriously!