Lightening the Burden

Reading through my emails today, I came across one email from a "sister" from I Can Serve. In it she recounted how even after having her bone and CT scans, she still wanted the absolute assurance that her cancer is in remission. Like me, she had lumpectomy, and she felt some "heaviness" and something not quite right with the operated side. So, to have peace of mind, she decided to go for a MRI scan.

After the scan, it was one sleepless night after another until she got the results. The results came back positive for cancer recurrence. This sent her into hours of crying her eyes out. The thought that even with the agressive treatment and nothing worked is enough to drive you nuts. I guess this is the heaviest of burden that every cancer survivor carries.

As she was preparing herself (mentally, financially, physically) for the eventual mastectomy, some "sisters" managed to convince her to seek out another opinion. She went to 2 more doctors, both told her to have a biopsy to be sure. When the biopsy came back, it was negative! Turns out that the mass that the MRI scan had picked up was just the scar from her lumpectomy and gave false positive results. Both doctors pronounced her cancer free! These are perhaps the sweetest words that can be said to a cancer patient.

It is always an uphill trek and a never ending battle to fight cancer. Upon diagnosis, one has to prepare mentally, emotionally and physically for the changes that will happen in one's life. During treatment, one has to cope with the physical side effects as well as the psychological ones. If one is selfish, then one can just think about one's self and whine the months away throughout the treatment and indulge in self pity; or, one can be more optimistic and view one's treatment as necessary evil towards healing. As a fellow survivor puts it aptly: Without treatments, I feel fine, but my lab tests tell me that I am really sick. With treatments, I feel really bad, but my lab tests tell me I'm getting better! After treatments, until one is pronounced cancer free, the nagging thought of recurrence will always be there. After the pronouncement, one still has to be vigilant about a possible recurrence. As another survivor said: "Cancer is like true love, it stays with you forever!"

Just having family and friends to hold your hand when you're going through that routine test and twiddling your thumbs while waiting for the results, to rally you on when you're about to give up, to hug you and tell you it's all right to cry when you're scared shitless, is more than enough to lighten the burden a survivor carries for the rest of his or her life.

Disco Divas

Last Wednesday night, together with some of I Can Serve "sisters", we went to Captain's Bar to support and listen to one of our fellow survivors' band perform. I never thought of asking what kind of music they'll be playing.

I followed after classes and got there around 11:00 PM, just in time for the 2nd set. I was surprised to hear unfamiliar songs from bygone eras. I think most of them can be classified as disco music. Pardon me, but I'm musically challenged.

Since I'm unfamiliar with the songs, I took pleasure at people watching instead. The dance floor was full. It was then that I realised that most people there are a generation ahead. I had a ball watching them dance and enjoy themselves.

Soon enough, the dance floor turned into a pseudo line dance. There were a couple of guys (biologically male, anyway) who were leading the crowd. I thought they look like people in a gym class working out.

Then one of the dance "instructors" went up to the stage to dance there. I did not even bother to contain my laughter. The guy is pure entertainment! He even dressed the part, wearing a shiny shirt and flared pants! I mentioned this to my companions and they said I'm a witch. Well, the guy asked for it! Thing is, I think that his shirt is quite retro, and I believe it's not purchased recently but rather recycled. Proof? Well, the button on the belly area keeps popping open.

I agree with my companions, I'm a witch!

That Helpless Feeling

One of my cousins texted me last Sunday to say that her mom had mastectomy the day before. I read the message with mixed emotions. Relieved that my aunt already had her surgery and sad that yet another woman was diagnosed with breast cancer.

Perhaps it will never be easy to hear that another person had breast cancer. More so when one personally knows that person. I am now on the other side of the fence, feeling what others might have felt when they found out that I had breast cancer. I think I had it easy then. Being on the other side is far more difficult than I thought. The feeling of helplessness is really, really frustrating.

I had a conversation with a friend whose girlfriend have a suspicious lump. I also had a conversation with a colleague whose 18-year-old daughter have a 13.5 mm lump! They are getting younger and younger. Both these friends' loved ones have not been diagnosed with cancer, though. *Whew!* But I told them to be vigilant about checking on the lump every now and then.

Fighting breast cancer 24/7 is quite tiring, really! I take my hat off to the doctors, to the nurses, to the technicians who tirelessly take care of people with cancer!

Walk

Yesterday, Avon sponsored the "Kiss Breast Cancer Goodbye" walk. It is a 3-kilometer fun walk. No pressures, no competition, just plain walking. The starting point is at Gabriela Silang parking lot (located in Ayala Avenue corner Makati Avenue,) then it's a straight route from there to Ayala Avenue corner Sen. Gil Puyat Avenue. From there, one walks all the way to the corner of Sen. Gil Puyat Avenue and Makati Avenue; and then it's back to the parking lot. 3 kilometers. It should be an easy walk, for a good cause, too!

I woke up early (5:30 AM) since the walk is to commence at 6:30 AM. 5:45, and my celphone rang. Opps! Assembly time is at 5:45 and I'm still home! *heeheehee* It's Sunday morning and it's early, so I was able to get to Makati in 10 minutes.

Having have to park at 6750, I walked to the assembly point. On my way there, I was surprised to see so many people! Wow! People do walk for a cause here in the Philippines! Then, I realized that something's not quite right. A lot of the people headed towards the assembly point were teenagers! Oh, man! P.E. requirement of some universities!

I think that sucks! The point of the walking became moot and academic. I lost interest. I wanted to go home. Somehow, the cause became a joke. Nevertheless, I forged on. I was already there and I might as well go ahead. I found my "sisters" from I Can Serve. There were only 6 of us. Another one probably did not wake up in time. So, there we were, just a handful of people in a sea of 7000 (or so) participants.

The walk finally started around 6:50 AM , with much fanfare and celebrities to kick it off. There was a marching band. Some local showbiz personalities and bigwigs were at the front line, smiling prettily for the presses, holding on to pink balloons. Then, much to my horror and realization of my dread, the balloons were released! Oh! Oh! Oh! Please let me go home! Thinking of how many birds and fishes will be affected by those balloons is enough to make me turn green!

As we stood there in the parking lot, looking for a group to squeeze ourselves in, we talked about having breakfast after the walk. Then someone jokingly suggested that we should just walk directly to the breakfast place. Most of us were hungry by that time, but we said that we should just finish the walk and then have breakfast afterwards.

Too impatient to wait for the right group, we found ourselves walking alongside some people from a local TV network. About 100 meters into the walk, one of the sisters called out to me: "Vangie, let's cross (the street)!" And I did, without really thinking why we should be crossing the street. The sister called out to the rest to cross the street as well. It was then that I realized what's happening: we're ditching the walk!

One of us began protesting that what we're doing is shameful, and that we should really be walking. As if on cue, all of us started to speak, each coming up with an excuse as to why we should be eating breakfast already:

"The kids (one of the sisters brought along her two kids) are already hungry."
"We're too tired." - duh?
"It's C's birthday and if she wants to eat instead of walk, then we should."
"Let's just eat. I'm hungry!"
"Let's eat. N might pass out."
"Hahahahahahahahahahaha!"

Guess which line I spoke???

And so, it was a majority decision to just have breakfast. Next year, I think I'll just stay home, or just join the sisters for breakfast. So much for walking.

Pretty Girls In Boracay

Here we are, smiling prettily for the camera before our lunch. We look so dainty, no? Good thing the food has not been served then, otherwise, you'd be shocked to see how much we can eat! There were four of us for lunch, we had grilled pork, grilled squid, fish soup, prawns and one giant crab! And since we're on diet, we only have a cup of rice each.

Standing are Gigi and Leila (left to right). Seated are yours truly and Renata (yep, Miss Brazil!)



Enjoying our Moët at the beach. In between sips, we would chat until our train of thoughts were interrupted by "hunkababes" and "hunkalicious men" jogging by the beach. Nice eye candies to go with a superb champagne!

Left to right: Renata, Leila, Buddha, I mean, moi, and Gigi.



Here's to Boracay and girlfriends!

Parties!

Boracay has always been and always will be a party place. It's one party after another night after night, all year round.

On our first night, we kicked off our stay with champagne on the beach while watching the sunset. Ah, such is life. We had dinner right after that. Food was great! After dinner, we decided to join whatever parties there will be at D'Mall. We walked (again) to our destination, enjoying the sea breeze. It was too early for any party; people are just starting to have their supper. So, we went around the shops, trying to look for bargains. After an hour or so, we decided to call it a day and turn in. It was a tricycle ride back to the resort. Not one of us even entertained the idea of walking back; if someone did, I'm pretty sure her head will be bitten off. We were just too darn tired - the girls perhaps too conked out with their mermaid adventure, and me, well, I'm still tired most of the time.

It was a shame to be in bed and sleeping by ten o'clock when one is in Boracay. So, we decided to redeem ourselves the following day. Starting at lunch, we had a couple of drinks. Gigi called her husband and got the go signal to have Sex on the Beach (the cocktail! the cocktail!); Leila had a bottle of beer, I had a Margarita. We were about to head back for an afternoon nap when we got rained in. So, it's another round of drinks.

230 in the afternoon is just too early for partying, so when the rain let up, we headed for the resort and had our siesta. It was early dinner for us and we just hanged around. We joined the party (finally!?) around 1030 that night. Oh, good! People were dancing to trance music, drinks and conversations were flowing. We made a few friends that night; but specially connected with a Brazilian girl. She was fun and we decided to meet up with her for lunch the following day.

Lunch with Ms. Brazil was lovely. We all talked like we've been friends for the longest time; there were no awkward moments; none of those uneasy gaps. After the huge lunch, we took another walk along the beach, jumped into the water, paddled around a bit. We parted ways just long enough to change out of our swimsuits into dry clothes. Then, it's another bottle of champagne on the beach. Sunset was not seen this time as rain threatened to pour anytime.

We had dinner at this neighboring resort called Waling Waling. We occupied a cabana and just talked ourselves to the point of sleeping. We were too comfortable to be bothered moving to another place. We all decided to call it a night when it became too much of an effort to keep our eyes open.

Good food, great place and the best company, what more can a girl ask for on a holiday?

Holiday Mode

All of us are guilty of being in the rat race. Everyday, we would all rush around in a frenzy. Chores to do; deadlines to meet; kids to raise; laundries to wash, dry and fold; etc. Going around like this is just normal for us. It's no wonder that most of us find it a bit difficult to switch from the everyday mode to holiday mode. Us three girls were not exempted from this.

The delay at the airport is enough for me to switch. Gigi and Leila, despite being on holiday since Monday, have yet to slow down. Walking in Boracay, I would find myself trailing the girls. They are always in a hurry (or perhaps that's just natural for them to walk fast). I have adapted myself to the island pace.

It is not surprising or uncommon for the girls to be ahead of me by as much as 20 feet. I would take my sweet time; Gigi and Leila would realize that I'm trailing behind, so they would wait for me. They soon realize this; and made concious efforts to slow down their pace. I think they enjoyed the island more after they did that.

Grand Entrance

Thursday morning found us stuck at the airport due to bad weather at Caticlan. Our flight was supposed to depart Manila at 930. We finally took off at 1030. I think the airline lucked out on this day. With flights unable to leave on time, they were able to compress 3 or 4 flights into one. The result? A full load! The flight was short and uneventful. It took all of an hour for us to get to Caticlan. Landing was smooth. Only drawback is the noise from other passengers. But who cares, really?

Upon landing, the only telltale sign of bad weather was the wet ground. Other than that, one can believe that the airlines just made up the story about the weather. The sun was out in full force - as if to welcome us!

We stayed at the Sea Wind Resort, so we were met at the airport by the resort's transfer service. We then took a banca to the resort. A few miles (maybe 2 or 3) from the resort, the banca's engine overheated. Oh, man! *in a whiny voice* will we ever get to Boracay???

So, there we were, stuck in the banca, just floating around, waiting for the engine to cool down.

Uh-oh. One of the girls need to answer the call of nature. So, how? (Paano na?) Well, ever adventurous, Gigi and Leila changed into their bikinis and jumped into the water! I had on my contacts and wouldn't dare chance losing them at sea. *excuses! excuses! it's harder to change into a tankini*

Soon after, the boat's ready to go. The girls decided to sit on the outrigger (?) instead of getting back on the boat. So, there they were, feeling like mermaids, and hanging on to their dear lives! Unfortunately, I forgot to take a picture of the girls riding sidesaddle on the outrigger.

Aside from the usual welcome drink and lei, the girls also got a welcome towel! This is pretty unusual, even for the folks of Boracay. I'm sure this little (mis)adventure is one for the books!

The Week That Was

How do I cram 8 days of fun into one entry? I guess I don't. So I'll just blog as I remember.

It was a very hectic week - with much shopping, gossiping and what nots to do. Gigi and Leila won by yardsticks when it comes to stamina. I'm usually the first one to sleep and yet the last to wake. Hmmm...do they even sleep???

I was supposed to take the Wednesday afternoon off to catch up with shopping and spend more time with the girls. But luck wasn't on my side. I got to Makati around 4PM (Yay!) but have to deal with a problem in one of our outlets (definitely NOT yay!). I thought I'll be done in half an hour, but this is not to be so. I finished at 6PM! Whew! So, shopping's out. We just had dinner and then went to Rockwell for bowling.

Bowling was fun, especially with beer. After two games each, we decided to call it a night and go back to the hotel to watch Amazing Race. *sidebar: the TV series was just an excuse, we were tired - really!*

Thursday, we got up bright and early, excited for our Boracay trip. The weather's a bit bad over Caticlan so our flight was delayed for an hour. That's okay. Rain or shine, we don't care less. Just get us there, please!

When we got there, it was hard to believe that the weather was bad earlier in the day. The sun was shining ever so brightly. I guess we brought sunshine with us. It was three glorious days of sun, sand and rain. Amid all the food, drinks, walks, vegging out and shopping, we managed to make friends.

I guess the three of us wanted to keep the parting as simple as possible. All three of us have to be somewhere by 6PM Monday, I have to classes to go to, Gigi had dinner plans with an old friend, and Leila has to be at the airport. We had a group hug all around and parted ways. No tears, no sentiments. Just the knowledge that we will always be friends no matter when, no matter what.

Thank you, girls, for a very wonderful time!

Little Girl Lost

Leila flew in last night from Sydney. We are now complete. As Gigi, Olive and I waited for Leila's plane to arrive last night, we were wondering how'd she look. Her flight was delayed by three hours, although we were advised that it was only delayed for two.

No sweat, at least, we know that this time around, we WILL BE at the airport when Leila flies in. So, there we are, the three of us, getting sillier and siller by the minute.

The plane finally touched down at 945PM. Woohoo! And still, we wonder how Leila would look.

After 20 minutes, the first passengers were finally walking down the ramp. Nah...definitely not that one, don't think it's possible for Lei to be that size! Nope, that's the security guard. Nah, Leila would not be caught dead with a checkered sack for luggage...and so on, and so forth. Aren't we mean? Well, a little bit, perhaps.

Hey, look at the other side. There's a little girl, looking lost. Hahaha! That's definitely Leila! Look at the way she scratches her shoulders. Yup! That's Lei! That's Lei! Hey, Gie, don't you think Leila looks so lost? She looks like Tita asked her to buy a bottle of vinegar from the corner store, got lost, and found her way to the Philippines! Hahahahahahaha! We're so bad. Anyway, Leila,!

Second Family

Growing up, we all have a special set of friends. We would be hanging out together, having sleepovers, meeting the parents of our friends. Being a huge part of their kids' life, it is not surprising if our friends' parents eventually consider us to be part of their family.

This is the case with Gigi's parents. Mama and Pingping (as I also call them) have opened not only their home, but their hearts as well. I have become the "adopted" daughter, albeit a very prodigal one.

Gigi flew in from Guam last Saturday, and as earlier decided, we drove to Cavite City after lunch Sunday and stayed overnight. When I arrived, the welcome was oh so warm! It made me realise that I am home. (I'm so lucky! I have 2 places to consider home)

I had a splendid time. Being around the family made me wish that I should have done it sooner. I can't bring back time and so I shall not look back with regret. But rather, I will cherish the moments I spend with my second family.

Whirlwind

It's been a whirlwind of activities for me for the past two weeks; am now going into my third week of non-stop Taz-like days.

I know I should not be overexerting myself but I can't resist it. I keep on piling up activities and so far, I've managed my time well and was able to cope. Although there are still days that I would just conk out at 10PM. Being pronounced well and in remission must have made me desperately want to prove that. And if going around in a flurry of activities and living each minute of to the fullest will reinforce that pronouncement, so be it.

I should not tempt fate, I know.

I'll be a good girl, promise. Come Thursday, I'll be getting my R and R in Boracay with the girls. After that, I'll take it easy.