Lightening the Burden

Reading through my emails today, I came across one email from a "sister" from I Can Serve. In it she recounted how even after having her bone and CT scans, she still wanted the absolute assurance that her cancer is in remission. Like me, she had lumpectomy, and she felt some "heaviness" and something not quite right with the operated side. So, to have peace of mind, she decided to go for a MRI scan.

After the scan, it was one sleepless night after another until she got the results. The results came back positive for cancer recurrence. This sent her into hours of crying her eyes out. The thought that even with the agressive treatment and nothing worked is enough to drive you nuts. I guess this is the heaviest of burden that every cancer survivor carries.

As she was preparing herself (mentally, financially, physically) for the eventual mastectomy, some "sisters" managed to convince her to seek out another opinion. She went to 2 more doctors, both told her to have a biopsy to be sure. When the biopsy came back, it was negative! Turns out that the mass that the MRI scan had picked up was just the scar from her lumpectomy and gave false positive results. Both doctors pronounced her cancer free! These are perhaps the sweetest words that can be said to a cancer patient.

It is always an uphill trek and a never ending battle to fight cancer. Upon diagnosis, one has to prepare mentally, emotionally and physically for the changes that will happen in one's life. During treatment, one has to cope with the physical side effects as well as the psychological ones. If one is selfish, then one can just think about one's self and whine the months away throughout the treatment and indulge in self pity; or, one can be more optimistic and view one's treatment as necessary evil towards healing. As a fellow survivor puts it aptly: Without treatments, I feel fine, but my lab tests tell me that I am really sick. With treatments, I feel really bad, but my lab tests tell me I'm getting better! After treatments, until one is pronounced cancer free, the nagging thought of recurrence will always be there. After the pronouncement, one still has to be vigilant about a possible recurrence. As another survivor said: "Cancer is like true love, it stays with you forever!"

Just having family and friends to hold your hand when you're going through that routine test and twiddling your thumbs while waiting for the results, to rally you on when you're about to give up, to hug you and tell you it's all right to cry when you're scared shitless, is more than enough to lighten the burden a survivor carries for the rest of his or her life.