B Sports

So, I went bowling. Of course, badminton can't be far behind.

Yesterday, I played badminton again, the first time in months. I played with some friends from the breast cancer support group. There were five of us and we had two hours of court time. Yep, we played till we dropped. I felt quite exhilarated after the games. But today, my body's screaming. I guess I played too much.

Best of all, I was sweating. And this time, it is not sweat from hot flushes (or is it spelled flashes?) but from exercise! Happiness!

Bowling

Sometime last week, I suddenly thought of going bowling. It's been a long time, maybe it was still in the 20th century, since I last bowled. Last Friday, with nothing on the agenda, I went bowling with a friend.

Of course, the prices were shocking once again. What used to be a PhP 12.00 game is now PhP85.00! Wow! It really was last century since my last game! *LOL*

Games went from best, better, and totally sucked. Wish it could be the other way around, though. But, hey, it was fun.

Gie and Lei, let's go bowling in October!

Answer to The Big Question

Yes. I'm going to take tamoxifen. In fact, I'm on my 2nd day now.

I went to see my oncologist last Thursday and I had an impromptu lecture on the statistics of tamoxifen. As per studies, incidence of endometrial cancer as a result of taking tamoxifen is at 2.5%. A chance I believe is low enough to warrant a pretty much worry free 5 years of tamoxifen ingestion. I also got an email from an OB-GYN/GYN Onco doctor from the breast cancer egroup stating the pros and cons of taking tamoxifen. Well, the pros far outweigh the cons. So, Here I am, happily popping the "controversial" pills.

I am thinking of switching OB-GYNs. I think I'd be better off managed by an OB-GYN/Onco. At least that doctor would know for sure what to do as this will be their field of specialty and sub specialty. And I would also not be going off the deep end from time to time over nothing.

The Big Question

I went to see an OB-GYN last saturday as per my oncologist's advise. I would need to see one every year as part of my yearly check up. Since we want to induce amennorhea with the treatments and medication, I thought it best to establish a baseline before taking Tamoxifen.

It was not really a pleasant visit to the doctor as I was quite shocked when my OB-GYN asked when am I having my hysterectomy! Waaaaiiiiiitttt a minute!!!! TIME OUT! TIME OUT! TIME OUT! What hysterectomy? Am I the right patient? I almost went into hysterics when I heard "hysterectomy". Can I give a new definition to the word? Hysterectomy means having a person going into hysterics. Ha! Ha! Ha! and Hah!

Back to business on hand. She said that it is best for breast cancer survivors who are under 40 y.o. who are going to take or taking Tamoxifen. Her explanation is that for pre-menopausal women, taking Tamoxifen to induce menopause will thicken one's uterine lining. And if there's no menstruation, the lining would not be shed/flushed out of the body. Thickening of the lining leads to a higher incidence of uterine cancer for pre-menopausal women. Since I'm also PR (progesterone receptor) positive, giving me progesterone to induce menstruation even for just 3 or 4 times a year is also out of the question as it might also trigger recurrence. So, for a supposedly worry free of Tamoxifen laden five years, it is "highly recommended" that I have that hysterectomy!

I would have stayed and argued with the doctor for the entire afternoon had I was able to keep my wits around me at the time. As it is, I ran out of steam after an hour and fifteen minutes. Since it will be me who will be having that hysterectomy, I think the doctor have a decidedly unfair advantage in the "great debate". So, I left her clinic, mind agog with all the information that was just fed to me.

Let's go to the other end of the spectrum. The way I understood the explanation given to me by my oncologist, taking Tamoxifen will reduce in half the remaining percentage of possible recurrence. This roughly translate to another 1% to 3% reduced probability of recurrence. I am also told that if after a month of taking Tamoxifen, and for some reason that it would not work for me (it will be reflected in the liver function test that I am to take after a month of Tamoxifen), I am to stop taking it. And that there are studies that with Stage 1 survivors, the survival rate of those who took Tamoxifen and who didn't is the same.

It seems that for the OB-GYNs, having your menstruation while on Tamoxifen is ok; but for the oncologists, menstruation is a no-no. My dilemma now is this: is the additional 1% to 3% chance of reduced recurrence worth the hysterectomy? Just the thought of another operation is enough to make me climb up the walls (oh, no! not another meltdown!). When I talked to Dad about it last night, he's dead set against hysterectomy. He said hysterectomy is so final. If I am to have that operation, there's no turning back.

I will be going back to my oncologist this Thursday to talk it out and weigh the pros and cons again. I am also considering consulting another OB-GYN. In the meantime, I will just go out WITH my mind! =) *LOL*

And I thought that the tough parts are over! Well, we do learn something new everyday.

Silver Linings

This is the invitation to the FIRST (ever) national breast cancer forum here in the Philippines. It's going to be a one day affair to be held at the Garden Ballroom of the Edsa Shangri-La Hotel.

Putting this event together is no mean feat, but the Founder and President of I Can Serve Foundation, Kara Magsanoc-Alikpala is currently trying to move mountains and molehills for it to be a successful one. What is amazing is that the movers and shakers of this foundation all have day jobs, and yet they are able to squeeze in planning an event of this magnitude. This, plus manning the hotline themselves, handling the egroup, etc., no wonder most of them are so skinny! (Hmmm...maybe I should be more active???)

I am awed by the dedication of these women. Maybe, we share the sentiment that we do not want others to suffer the mental, emotional and physical exhaustion that comes with cancer. And if we are powerless to stop the disease, then maybe we can arm other women with information about breast cancer. I do not know exactly what to do, but I will think of something.

When I met up with Kara last Tuesday night to finalize our christmas fund-raiser. We will be selling calendars, proceeds of which will go to the foundation. We hope to sell enough copies so that we may raise enough funds for at least ONE (1) chemo treatment of a patient! This may not sound like much, but I learned that the foundation do things gradually (often in a small scale) for funds are always scarce, so every project would have to be planned carefully. Cancer is not really a popular cause to support, for it is the common notion that when the word cancer is uttered, it means death. And as human nature goes, death is not exactly on the top of the list of anyone's favorite topic.

As it is, the September event is still short of funding. With the country's economy going the way it is, monetary sponsorships are hard to come by. I promised Kara I'll try to pitch in with the effort of coming up with some sponsors, but I really don't know where to begin, much less know how to solicit. As my friends could attest, I find it extremely difficult to ask for anything from anyone. But I will bite the bullet and thicken my skin, I will see what I can do. And maybe help other breast cancer patients and survivors find their silver lining.

Going...

It's just two weeks after my last bout of radiation and yet my skin on the treated area is starting to lighten. I am much much surprised, for I am waiting for the skin to peel off - just like when one gets a sunburn.

Well, it did peel, but it comes off in flakes rather than whole sections of skin. Do I sound disappointed??? *LOL*

Well, I think a lot of factors contributed to this. First, there was the Biafine RE cream (thanks to the relentless efforts of Jedi Ambo in procuring some for me) and then there's the cream that my dermatologist gave me to use together with Biafine. Last, but not the least, I think I can thank my genes for - my lack of those darkening pigments, melanin.

It could be that I'm lucky to have so much Biafine cream at my disposal. I finished 4 tubes! I think I went overboard with it. My other "classmates" in RT finished only 1 tube (of the ordinary Biafine) or less, at most 1-1/2! But their skin got burned so bad. The way my skin looked after the 7 weeks of treatment is exactly how their skin looked by the 3rd week of treatment. I know I sound like I'm bragging a bit here, but I'm not, believe me. I'm just so wowed by the Biafine RE cream!

Separation Anxiety

Funny, I never thought that I would experience separation anxiety!

I have been so looking forward to the day when I can go hatless again. Now that my hair's grown back to a decent thickness, I have been reluctant to part with my hats. But I finally did it - last Sunday. It is yet another milestone for me, to go out in public with no hat on.

I knew in my heart that as early as two weeks ago, I could have gone hatless. But I kept putting it off, making excuses that my hair's still too thin, that I still have slightly bald patches on some parts, that people will stare if I take of my hat, etc. My rationale then (when I was still bald) was that if I can start using shampoo, then I can go hatless. When the moment of truth arrived, I chickened out and did it two weeks after.

Reality bites and I realized how funny I am to be so anxious. I can plaster my face (with and without hair) on this blog, practically daring the world to make fun of me. And yet, in real life, I could barely part with my hats. I knew people won't give me a second look with my new 'do, and I was proven right. =) I even kid around and declare that I already need a haircut as my hair's already touching my ears.

And so I say goodbye to my hats! Well, maybe not totally, I might still use them once in a while...

The Gift of Giving and Living

Last week, Mavic sent me an email informing me that she will be walking for me this year in the annual fund raising activity called "Making Strides Against Breast Cancer". She even made a web page to make it easier for people to make contributions. So far, she's reached more than half her goal. Thanks, Mavic! This means a lot!

Giving to cancer research as well as charitable institutions suddenly starts making sense to me. When one person gives, another get to live.

Hectic

It's been a hectic week, with work persistenty getting in the way (somehow this statement sounds wrong and at the same time right). It's only today that I am finding time to sit down and blog, even then, it's time stolen, just me wanting to vent a little.

Monday, I went to have my blood extracted to have some lab test done for my Tuesday check-up. I don't know if one can view blood extraction as a good way to start the week (on hindsight today, it's probably not, it's been bloody hell) but the good news is that the person got blood on the first try, and on a vein on my right arm at that! My veins are still way thin compared to the ones on the left arm, so it was a big relief to be able to have blood extracted on the first go.

Tuesday, the internet connection at the office was down. Trying to call the hotline of PLDT's DSL service is like having your wisdom tooth pulled out without anesthesia. I tried calling all day but I was never able to connect to an operator, just the machine. At least my check-up went well. My oncologist just told me what to she wants me to do for the next couple of months. Tests are still not yet scheduled as the good doctor wants me to have a rest from all those tests and needles I faced this year. I unwind at the end of the day by watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (superb movie, a must-see!).

Wednesday got the boss on my case, since there's still no internet connection at the office. Duh? He made it sound as if I'm the one responsible that there's no connection! I finally got to talk to an operator at the service request center of PLDT. When asked if there were any maintenance work being done with the server, the operator just replied that he would put in a service request. Hhhmmm...I think something's wrong with their server, as there's also no connection at home.

Thursday went by in a blur, the internet connection's finally up, both at home and at work. I can't remember now how the day went but I remembered watching season 3 of The Apprentice. And then I fell asleep right before the boardroom and the firing scene. Asus! Hmp!

Friday was a headache. Some people in this office meddle too much, wanting to stick their thumbs in everyone's pie, even if it is NOT their business. That plus the not at all brilliant (I'm am being VERY kind in this description, believe me) work left to me by the last colleague who handled the HR pretty much left things in a big mess. So, I am now playing the mop up crew, trying to sort out this shit that people around me created.

Today, I arrived at the office with more very undesirable events happening, courtesy of another colleague. Well, it was just 10 o'clock in the morning then, but that did not stop me from shooting down the person involved. I did not care that the boss was just standing a few feet away, I was berating them for not being able to follow the simplest of instructions. Well, I can only take so much.

Strangely enough, throughout the whole week, I never experienced the blood pumping, blood pressure raising feeling that I used to get in times like this. It is as if I am involved and yet somehow detached. Maybe not wanting to succumb to feel the pressure helps. I am hoping that next week things here at the office won't be as messy as this one is. Hey, after being down, what other way is there but up?

Celebration

I celebrated the end of my treatments yesterday. From the hospital, I played hooky and went to Rustan's Makati to attend the "Look Good, Feel Good" activity of I Can Serve. This activity is for breast cancer patients and survivors. Rustan's provide a resource person to teach the attendees how to look good (using make up), and with looking good, make them feel good.

The activity have already started when I got there. The attendees were the women from PGH, with ages ranging from 45 to 65, perhaps 70 years old. To see these women enjoying themselves, putting on make up, laughing and ribbing each other, makes me happy. For a few hours, they can forget their daily troubles and just enjoy being with friends. I just sat there and watched them, basking in their happiness. It was a just a very peaceful feeling.

The activity ended around 5PM. I am meeting up with Au, Arlette and Dion 730PM. I took advantage of the waiting time and turned it to some "me time", I went around Glorietta, and end up doing some shopping (finally got a top to go with the orange cap I got as a gift ).

The icing on the cake came sometime before 730, while cooling my heels in a coffee shop, I got a text message from my brother with some great news. It was a glorious day indeed.

Finally!

Finally, I'm done! I'm done! Hurray! *turning imaginary cartwheels*

It was a heartstopping moment when I got to the hospital yesterday morning for my final dose of radiation therapy. For the past three weeks, patient load have considerably lightened. So, when I saw the number of patients in line, I was on the verge of panic.

Oh, no! Not on my last day, please...

As I suspected, the machine had broke down again. I breathe a sigh of relief when I found out it was up and running again after two hours. Whew! that was close. And so, I "graduated" again.

I also had my final check up with my radio-onco. I don't need to see her again. She told me to just see my medical oncologist as they both will be asking me to do the same lab work and other stuff. Good! At least I don't have to wait twice for the same thing.