Something New

My radiotherapy will be for 28 days instead of 33 days. This means that I'll be completing my treatments earlier! Hooray!

As expected, the treated area of my left side of the body is starting to darken. I have been in radiotherapy treatment for nine days already, that's including today, so I'm starting to see the side effects. Darker skin for the treated area/s (breast, neck, underarm - yikes!); white blood cell count getting lower again, fatigue. At least I did not experience loss of appetite. =)

Along with the more known side effects above, I discovered that there's another one. No one believes me but I think this one will be for the books. *LOL* All those hours of sitting down and talking to other patients, waiting for our turn at the five minute zap, certainly amounted to something. And this is the "new" side effect of radiotherapy that I'm talking about - calluses on one's rear end.

Classmates

Classmates. That's what the radiotherapy patients call each other. As one's treatment progresses, one gets to be familiar with the people going through the same thing. We might not necessarily have the same type of cancer, but we're all going through radiotherapy. And with the long wait daily, we get to swap stories and get acquainted.

Perhaps, cancer patients will never be able to tell enough stories about their experience/s and the journey that follows, how they are diagnosed, what treatment they have, etc. I find this amusing. Amused that people will keep on repeating their stories as long as someone's listening. I am also guilty of the same, sometimes. I guess this is one way of coping with the disease and being thankful for the second lease in life.

I have heard enough stories to know that I am not special, that there are a lot more people who are in worse situations, that I should be grateful. But sometimes, I am mean, I am cranky. I don't want to deal with cancer stories anymore. I don't want to be thinking about cancer 24/7. Isn't it enough that I'm there being treated and having to cope with the side effects, the hospital smell; enough that I am constantly reminded of my borrowed time on Earth? Am I obliged to be my "classmates" shrink and dietician as well?

So, I bring along a book, and try my darnest to read it - until someone beside me strikes up a conversation (again). Lord, please help me be patient with these patients! =)

Me Time

I went to watch Mr. & Mrs. Smith last night with my favorite date - me! Just across the street at Robinson's Place, nothing fancy, although I'm still coming to terms with the ticket price. It was after that I realized that I have missed this particular activity of "Me Time".

"Me Time" is the time I give to myself - to do whatever I want, to have some quiet (or not) time to myself, to ponder life (mine in particular), to think, play or just plain veg out in front of the TV. Wandering around aimlessly, go shopping like a guy, eat like a pig or not at all, and a whole lot of senseless, aimless activities.

I remembered that there were times that:
- I would go on a movie mode and watch two back to back
- hop on Boyd and drive to Cavite for lunch (an occassional alcohol and cigs)
- walk around UP or the mall
- sit on the beach and just space out
- do needlepoint until I get cross eyed or until my back hurts
- read a two-inch thick paperback in one sitting

Patience, my dear, Patience

Being a patient at the radiotherapy department of St. Luke's hospital is no joke. It will really test one's patience!

I have had four days of RT now; today is my fifth. So far, I still have to find the right time to be there. Monday, I showed up at 11:00AM and finished at 12:10NN. Tuesday, I was there by 10:40AM, finished by 12:15NN. I guess the 20 minutes did not really make much of a difference. Wednesday, I showed up at 11:20AM, finished at 2PM. And then yesterday, I got stuck in traffic, got to the hospital by 12:10NN; finally finished by 3PM!

The "veterans" of the radiotherapy sessions have spouted much wisdom, saying that by day 3, you'd be able to know what time to show up so that you won't have wait too long for your turn. As it turns out, I still can't predict what time to show up at the hospital. It is said that usually, by 11:30, there would be only a few patients left, so your maximum waiting time is around 30 minutes.

Well, it simply wasn't the case the past two days. The line got longer and longer. The hospital's SOP is that all the out-patients are bumped down the list whenever an in-patient shows up. It seems that there were in-patients a plenty who would show up intermittently. Why can't they just schedule these in-patients from 5AM (when the department is supposedly to start treatments) until 9AM? And then the out-patients after that?

This phase of my treatment will really be a test of my patience. I hope to build it up and not get calluses on my rear end from prolonged seating in the process.

A Star Is Born

Sometime last weekend, I got a text/SMS from the founder of I Can Serve, asking if I'm free on Tuesday morning to help make a profile for the foundation. I told her that I'm not free Tuesday morning, but can be available after our lunch (the members of the support group had a luncheon party to celebrate a couple of members' birthday as well as a baby shower).

I got to the luncheon around 1PM as I finished up at St. Luke's past 12 noon, and have to travel all the way from Quezon City to Makati. It was then that I found out that the profile we're doing means that survivors will be interviewed and these will be compilated into a short documentary. Said documentary will be used for fund raising as well as for the grand convention for breast cancer this September 30.

What???? Me? Go on camera? Ai-ya-yay! I'm the shy type! I can't do it, I'll be babbling or I'll be too flustered to answer. Not to mention that I'll be bathed in nervous sweat! No good! No way!

But since I said yes, and I am as good as my word, I did the interview. I can't really remember what questions were asked or if my answers correspond to the questions, I guess I did okay, for after the interview, we went on to shoot two more "candid" scenes.

Hirap pala maging artista! (It's hard to be an actor!) No wonder they get paid a lot, talent or no talent. I'll be signing autographs and answering questions on the day of the Silver Lining (the official "title" of the convention). *bow*

Radiotherapy

I had my first dose of radiotherapy today. It is indeed quite uneventful compared to chemotherapy; and I hope I'm not speaking too soon. I got to the hospital 5 minutes to 11 o'clock. I was told to be there by 11AM. As usual, I'm beating the clock by a hairline. It was later that I found out that the listing for the RT treatment starts at 11AM.

I saw my radio-oncologist hurrying in the hallway; I greeted her a good morning but I did not stop her to talk to her. I figured she'll be back at the linear accelerator room in time for my first treatment. Well, I figured wrong. The technician is kind enough to guide me through my first session; although all I did was just to lie very still. The treatment took about 5 minutes.

After my session, I went up to the 4th floor to visit someone. I took the stairs, as the elevator is taking forever. After two flights of stairs, I felt fatigue setting in. Oooohh, noooooo! This can't be right. How can fatigue set in so soon? I think it's just all in my head. Hah! Either I must be losing my mind or I have been reconditioned (by the drugs? or by the radiation?) to accept any suggestions and process those to be my own. Ngek! *LOL*

Hey, Kid!

We went to this resort in San Fernando last Monday morning and hanged out there. One of my friends went fishing, the other just veg out with me. It was a nice resort, still not fully developed. It has a "fishing village", mini golf course, offers horseback riding. It also boasts of a regular chlorinated swimming pool as well as a free flowing spring water pool. On one side of the resort, I saw three ostriches wandering around a pen.

As we were just sitting around and vegging out, a kid walked up to our area of the restaurant in the fishing village. He should be around 9 or 10 years old. Overweight and loud. Not quite obnoxious but not quite cute either. He started to bug the fishing friend to give him the fish/es caught (which were only the size of one's palm). Of course, the fish/es got thrown back in; the kid almost in the fish/es wake. Hehehe.

Then he approached us at our table, took one look at my scarf wrapped head and asked right out: Are you bald? I laughed at his candidness and answered yes. Kids!

With A Vengeance

It seems like after my last cycle of chemo, I can't wait to "regain" my social life again. A day after my chemo, I've been out drinking. This was repeated again three times within the next two weeks. Let's see, I've also tried to watch a movie, which I slept through on some parts as I still tire easily. Had dinner with friends. And last weekend, I spent a night in Angeles City with friends.

What's there to do in Angeles City? Plenty, apparently. After a brief shopping stint, we just went on an eating binge - food trip! Wow! Diet? What's that? There wasn't any food that's not allowed. It was a holiday, so I also took a holiday from my usual "diet". Eating just about everything in sight. Had steak, chips, luncheon meat, garlic fried rice, fried eggs, palabok, and halo-halo. I think what I ate the past two days will be enough to send my oncologist into fits - that is, IF she finds out.

So, let's keep quiet, shhh. And I promise, I WILL behave from now on, diet wise, that is.

Cafe Adriatico

On my way home last night, Olive rang me up on my cellphone, asking if we could have dinner at Cafe Adriatico. Sure, why not? When I got home, I asked Olive why Cafe Adriatico? She said that she's craving for the salpicao. We went to the cafe soon after, as Olive's already hungry.

When we got to there, I saw a familiar face sitting by the window. Could it be ?? I thought no, it can't be. When we got inside, Olive insisted on sitting at the table that's good for 6 people. That raised my eyebrow. Sister's acting strange. But I brushed it aside and sat down anyway. After a few minutes, Olive asked me if I knew the people behind me. I gave them a glance and said no. Olive insisted that I looked again. I did. They were looking at me, too, smiling.

I know that smile! Oh, crap! What's his name? It's definitely not Ed, he's in Canada. So, where did I meet this guy? Oh, crap! Oh, crap! oh, crap! Why isn't my brain functioning? When my chemo brain finally jump started, I realised it IS Ed. Undeniably in the flesh! Waaahhh! Hahahaha! Funny. Minus the glasses, plus a few pounds, it took me a full minute to recognize him! Serves you right, Ed! Hmp! *LOL* His lovely wife, Mel, is with him. No wonder they looked familiar. Haha! and another ha!

We had dinner, and I was talking almost non-stop, but I let Ed and Mel put in a word or two once in while , at times a few sentences. It's been what? 8 years? since we last saw each other. It's a pity that they have to leave around 830, as they have to go home to Novaliches.

Cafe Adriatico will always be a place with fond memories for me. This is where I go to meet up with friends, hang out, catch up.

I told Ed: it's a good thing that Jojo isn't here to leak out the surprise (hi, Jo! Remember my birthday "surprise" a few years back?) . Had a lovely, lovely time last night. Thanks to Olive and Faith for the surprise, Ed and Mel for travelling all the way from Novaliches just to spend a couple of hours with me, and all of you who connived with Ed. That was a good one!

Aftermath

That's what my fingernails look like nowadays. It has banding patterns. The other picture is the one of my right forearm, with the petrified vein. The vein's not too pronounced anymore. It used to be darker, and redder after a cycle. Obviously, my skin's dried up too, Dove Ultramoisturizing Bath Creme seems not to be enough.

Well, I call them my warrior wounds, which will go away in a few weeks. The tattoos, on the other hand, will be with me longer. I can have them removed after the radiotherapy treatment, but I'm deliberating if I would want them removed or will I just keep them? and remind me to be vigilant for the rest of my life...

Carefree

Friday saw me fully "recovered" from the post chemo fatigue that has been hounding me for a week. I went to work, visited my mom at my aunt's place in Makati after work, and I even managed to go to an inuman (drinking spree) after. How's that for recovery? *grin*

It felt soooo good to be worry free for a change, even if it's only for a night. It was quite a treat. Seeing friends and spending time with them; swapping wits and stories. It was fun, fun, fun. Some of them were worried that I'm out drinking; they even threatened to call up my brother to rat me out. I said it's no biggie. And besides, some of them already ratted me out last week, when I had a couple of bottles with this same group. My doctor's okay with it, as long as I do not do it nightly. It was said during my first consultation that there are certain health related merits to drinking red wine and/or beer while undergoing chemotherapy treatment, all of which didn't register after I heard that I CAN drink. Talk about thirst...

How much fun I had? Let's say that time flew by so fast that I was quite surprised that it was already early morning when we headed for home. The sun rose two hours after I went to bed.

Nursing and Nurturing

I've always believed in nurturing. Anything (and anyone, come to think of it) you nurtured will stay with you. My theory was proven right again recently.

I've been nursing my fatigue from the day of my last chemo cycle. So it grew fond of me and stayed with me. I realised this yesterday when I decided to "fight" the fatigue by going to work. Today, I feel much better. I still tire easily but it's not as bad anymore.

I have to remember NOT to nurse and nurture everything that plops into my life; especially the cancer.

Obviously, I've got time on my hands. *LOL*

Planning Session

My planning session last Tuesday went well. I got to the hospital 230PM on the dot. The planning staff were just about to send out search parties to look for me when I showed up.

By 235PM, I was already in a hospital gown, lying down on the simulation table, feeling like a slab of meat, ready to be cut up. I was tied down on my legs and was advised that the simulation/planning will be around 30 minutes. The entire duration of which I am to hold my position, and NOT move a hair. I can breath, though.

So, there I was, immobile for 30 minutes; holding my position. To help me through, I tried to imagine myself as a model in a photo shoot (no wonder they get paid that much!). Finally, after all the markings, they did the tattooing; all 14 points of them. Yeah, I thought it was only 6. Tattooing did not hurt as much as I thought it would, some points I did not feel as they fell on the portions where my nerves are taken out. When done, I was told to SLOWLY move so as not to jar my limbs (and avoid shooting pain), being immobile for so long.

After the planning, I was handed a piece of paper and was told to go back the following day. I was puzzled, why do I need to go back the next day? For the start of my treatment! Oh, no! No, no, no, no, no! I'm to start by June 20th at the earliest! I'm not yet ready to start, the Jedi council's still chasing after my Biafine! After talking it over, the technician, doctor and I finally understood each other and they said they'll get in touch with me for my appointment. Whew! That was close. Waaoom, waaoom.

The most fun I had that day is after the planning. I was walking around with red lines on my neck, with matching black marks on the intersecting points of the lines, and left side of my chest; half of which can be seen by the people. At that time, we still can't touch the dye; have to get it dry first. When I see people staring at me, I half wish I could have lines and marks all over my face, with matching pins so that I can grin and/or sneer at them. BOO!

Now, I'm walking around with 14 new "moles" on me. =)

Sleeping Beauty

This last round of chemotherapy had me become best of friends with my bed. I slept the weekend through, literally! Monday, I reported to work, but was pretty pale and listless. I keep nodding off. Tuesday was no better. I wanted to stay home but I remembered that I have the planning at St. Luke's at 230PM. So, I went to work; and slept for an hour during my lunch break before finally heading to the hospital.

Wednesday, I woke up still feeling tired. I decided to stay home. Amidst the heat and the construction noise, I was still able to sleep. Man, I'm drugged! In between, I'd wake up with a headache, and with pain on some parts of my back - probably from too much sleeping. But I'm conking out in the middle of an activity, what's a girl to do? Sleep!

Olive thinks it's probably because prior to my last cycle, my white blood cell count is only at 3.4. Lowest count by far. With the immune system that weak, it's probably correct to assume that I'd have a longer time recovering. But, hey! I don't have to think about that again, yay!

Today, I decided to go to work. I woke up around 7AM, but decided to leave the house at 10AM, so that I can drive. After breakfast at 830AM, I managed a nap (still sleeping?! I got tired after eating ) before finally heading for the bathroom at 930 and left for work at 10! Let's see if I can do better today and not sleep so much.